A Thought for Thursday #12...

Concentrate on yourself for once, think of the amazing things you've done or are doing now. 

Don't compare yourself to others. 

A Thought for Thursday #11...

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How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie...

In my opinion there aren’t that many resources regarding anxiety which I have found genuinely useful. In fact I can probably count on one hand the amount of books and websites etc which I have thought were genuinely helpful and made a difference to how I have felt.

To say we are currently living in the 21^st century with the power of the internet, the help and support readily available for personal everyday use is disproportionate the amount of people who are statistically suffering from mental illness. Disappointingly, I have found that the majority of books which I have been recommended are quite dated to say that mental health has been and still is an ongoing problem for many people.

However, a friend recommended a book to me back in April which is written by Dale Carnegie called ‘How to stop worrying and start living’. It was published in 1984 but I have found it to be one of the most accurate and relatable books for someone who worries a lot.

The majority of the ‘recovery’ process with mental illness is based around self –help methods and it is very beneficial to find someone or something you can relate to and use every day to help yourself feel better.

Although Dale Carnegie's book was written quite a while ago I feel like the different rules and methods he gives you to try and overcome severe worrying can be equally used today as much as back then. So I am going to write about some of the steps which he discusses and relate them to myself and how they can be perhaps used in contemporary society.

I will probably split them into different posts as there is quite a lot of useful advice given. The book is separated into different sections to help you manage your worrying in a more positive way. It helps you to accept that you may need help but shows you that it is possible to feel better by adopting different thought patterns to your everyday life.

Dale Carnegie stresses how important it is for you to have the upmost desire to want to change yourself in order for this book to be successful. Although other people can give you as much support, guidance and advice that you need at the end of the day you have to want to help yourself. I found that fully accepting the issue you are suffering from is vital in moving forward.   

The first section of the book which I will discuss in this blog post will demonstrate how understanding worry by analysing what you are actually worrying about can prevent it from taking control of your whole life.

Live in day tight compartments

Firstly Carnegie writes about how living in day tight compartments can be extremely helpful for those who suffer from severe worrying. Obviously this is easier said than done for many people and understandably everyone has different circumstances and lifestyles. For someone who worries to the extent I do, it is easy to get into the bad habit of living your life based on what has already happened and what could potentially happen in the future. For me my anxiety is largely centred by the question ‘what if?’ the majority of the time and it isn’t a very healthy way to live your life. Because anxiety and other mental illnesses are not tangible you can begin to spend your life wondering when you feel like it again and hoping that you never will.  I have used this method many times before and will continue to do so as it is very helpful in allowing you to take small steps in feeling better instead of wondering how you are going to feel a few days or few weeks down the line. I have being making a conscious effort to not predict or assume how I will feel when I wake up in the morning and just try and take the day as it comes.

What is the worst that could happen?

I think this is a great question to ask yourself when you suffer with worrying/anxiety. Constant worrying can make it extremely difficult to put things into perspective and consequently lead you to have all kinds of irrational thoughts. The power of your brain and your own anxious thoughts can really convince you that everything you worry about is actually true. By asking yourself what is the worst that could happen? And then accepting the worst mentally it makes it easier for you to start allowing yourself to forget about the illogical thoughts and put your problem into perspective.  Again this is something I have been trying to say to myself whenever I start to feel a bit anxious and so far it has actually helped me see the bigger picture in comparison to what I am worrying about.

Get the facts

This can seem like such a simple thing to do for people who have a consistently rational mind. I thought I would include this one of Carnegie’s rules within my blog post as it is very similar to a method I was taught during the therapy sessions. Firstly ask yourself; what is the use in worrying about something which you can’t prove is 100% truthful? I have said previously how useful it is to actually write down and make note of your worries, it makes it so much easier to change your perspective. I was given some worksheets which teach you to write down what you are worrying about, the facts which provide evidence that your thoughts are 100% accurate, any methods /techniques you used to solve the problem and finally how you felt once you had analysed your problem in this way. Using this method on a regular basis helps you to deal with your problem in a more logical way instead of it taking over your brain.

Keep busy!

Over-thinking is a massive aspect of anxiety and worrying. Constantly going over and over the problem in your head is one of the main causes for making my anxiety worse. It is important to keep busy to keep your mind occupied on something other than what you are worrying about. For me I get paranoid about having long periods of time with nothing to do because I feel like it gives me more chance to think and more time to feel anxious. You should use any spare time you do have in a productive way instead of immediately seeing it as a negative.  Put your energy and time into something you enjoy and that makes you feel happy. Go for a walk or a run (which is even better when the weather is as nice as it has been), read a book, catch up  with friends, write your own blog, even if you don’t share it publically it allows you to channel your thoughts into something positive instead of clogging up your head with negativity.  

Don’t sweat the small stuff!

I know from experience that when something does happen in my life which is actually worth worrying about, I am actually more in control of my worrying than when I am constantly worrying about lots of little everyday things. Carnegie discusses how we all manage to survive the big things in life but allow ourselves to get upset about all the little things. For this I will just leave you with a quote in Dale Carnegie’s book which we could all do with listening to, ‘Let’s not let ourselves get upset by small things which we should forget. Remember ‘Life is too short to be little’.

Living by the law of averages and co-operating with the inevitable.

Here are two points discussed in Carnegie’s book which I think work well together. In my experience of having anxiety the majority, (if not all) of the things which I worry about never actually happen in reality. Reading this chapter made me realise that I can’t go through life worrying and wondering about things which in the grand scheme of things are not likely to happen anyway. Using this approach over the past few days has made it slightly easier for me to just get on with things instead of thinking about what might happen.

Alongside this, it is important to be aware that things do and will happen which are beyond your control. Some things are going to happen whether you try and stop them or not. Anxiety is quite a lot about trying to be in control of situations at all times and having constant fear that you are not in control. Once you realise that there are some things which are completely out of your control it does help you to see things differently.  There is a prayer at the end of this particular chapter which I have turned into a quote for myself and the purpose of this blog which I think is perfect for someone suffering from anxiety to keep reminding themselves of every day.

‘Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference’.

Is it worth this amount of worrying?

Finally take a moment to think about whether whatever you are worrying about at this moment in time is actually worth the amount of worrying you are allowing it to have. Again this is another great approach to take to help you put things to perspective. It is perfectly normal to have worries and everyone will worry about something at some point in their lives.

A good thing to do is get the thing you are worrying about, apply all these different methods, perhaps say to yourself I will allow myself to have x amount of time to think about this problem and then once that time is up you will forget about it for the rest of the day. This provides you with the opportunity to give the thought as much time as its worth and hopefully as a result the smaller problems will require the smallest amount of time. 

I strongly recommend that if you do suffer from worrying or anxiety etc to buy this book! I got it from Amazon for 99p! 

Things can only get better...

Day 5 of Mental Health Awareness Week. 

:) 

It takes time...

Day four Mental Health Awareness week. 

Don't worry, be Happy!

Day 3 of Mental Health Awareness Week

Today you should try not to worry.

Enjoy the sunshine! 

You are stronger than you think...

Day Number 2 of Mental Health Awareness week.

I'm definitely not saying it is easy, taking the first step is the hardest but also the greatest thing you can do. 

Are you Anxiety Aware?

So, this week is the start of Mental Health Awareness week and the theme this year being Anxiety I obviously couldn't ignore it. I have had quite a tough time recently with my own Anxiety, following numerous chats and pep talks with my wonderful family and friends, I have woken up this morning and feel a bit better!

Not only do I want to help myself but I want to help other people who are struggling or who have struggled in the past. So, in return of people being kind, supportive and staying positive for me, I am going to share a quote, saying or picture everyday this week in aid of Mental Health Awareness week. 

Here is my first quote, I hope it helps! 

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A Thought for Thursday #10...

It may not seem like it at this moment in time but...

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Note to self...

So where did April go seriously, I just feel like it has completely flown without me having a second to think.

In terms of my monthly goals I have been completely slacking and this post is just a reminder to myself to keep going in the right direction.

I also need to listen to my own advice. I continuously try and help people by writing this blog and offering advice the best I can. This month however I have gone off track a little bit and let my anxiety start taking control again, I am not really sure what has brought it on but I have found that it has been helpful to read back over my own writing and remind myself just how far I have come and how much better I have been compared to last year. I find it relatively easy to offer advice to other people and I always want to do the best for others. I do however find it the most difficult to actually listen to myself. 

Getting tangled back up into a constant state of worry can happen quite easily for me but in reality I know exactly what I should be doing to make myself better and I know I can feel better because I know I have done before.

So instead of being ignorant and letting my anxiety take control of me, I am going to do the easiest yet potentially hardest thing and take my own advice.

However, I do think it is important that we don’t sugar coat anxiety and it is vital that more awareness is raised about it as an actual illness.

It is more than likely that my anxiety is something which will never fully disappear. Acceptance is one of the biggest steps. I am probably always going to occasionally need some support and reassurance about my anxiety or any other problems I may have. I am the sort of person who feels better when I talk openly about any worries I have instead of letting them build up inside me. I have realised recently I have quite a few of people around me who are there to offer me the support I need, when I need it and can understand how I feel. I need to remember that I am not alone in this situation and I know that these people will be there for me whenever, if  I have a hard day or even a hard week.

Being able to recognise the symptoms of anxiety and knowing when I am feeling panicky should be seen as a positive and in turn I should use the knowledge and skills I have already learnt to move forward and make myself feel better again.

I need to take time to give myself more credit for how much better I am than I was before and how far I have actually come since the worst point. I have done things which I never thought I would be able to do again and things that I had never done before. I have always been my own worst enemy and bring myself down for the tiniest setbacks. I shouldn’t look back on the past and compare myself to how I have felt before as there is nothing I can do about it, ‘let the past bury, it’s already dead’ (Dale Carnegie). 

I am going to stop putting pressure on myself to feel a certain way and know that it is perfectly normal to have 'wobbles' occasionally. If the worst thing about me is that I have anxiety once in a while then things can't be too bad. 

I also started missing a couple of circuit training classes and now have got into the habit of not going for one reason or another. So it will be coming up to a month of me not doing much exercise. I know myself the positive results and all round benefits of exercise so I really need to get back on it as soon as possible. 

I am also going to aim to start running again, it doesn't need to be a specific distance or completed in a certain time I just need to run. According to the Dr's I naturally produce a lot of adrenaline anyway and it is useful to use it in a productive way that letting it go to waste and feeling rubbish as a result. 

Here's to moving forward, taking small steps, and staying positive. 

A Thought for Thursday #9

Firstly I apologise for this being late, I have had a bit of  tough week with my anxiety this week. I found this picture to help me to keep reminding myself how far I have already come.

Never give up no matter how difficult it may seem at the time!