Wednesday 7 September 2016

We are all different...

So, as we all know, we are all different. But, I know myself that I am always comparing myself to others and how difficult it is not to. At times when I have felt horrendous with anxiety and again particularly most recently I feel guilty for even having anxiety. I get annoyed with myself because I hear about horrendous things people a have gone through on a daily basis through my job and think I have experienced nothing in comparison but why do I still suffer with an anxious mind.

We are trapped in a society where we are programmed to believe we should feel a certain way or react in a specific way in situations. But who on earth has the power to say to you how you will feel or how you will react when faced with something awful or even with something great? Now whoever made up that rule must not of realized that although we are all human we are all indivdual. So it's ok that you might feel something differently to someone else who has been in the same situation before. If something affects you just a little bit more than it does someone else then it really doesn't matter. There are no rules.

Anxiety or depression can be a way of your body and mind telling you that it's had enough. Now it doesn't matter if what's caused your anxiety or depression is or isn't worse than what someone else's, it just about your own personal tolerance. If you get easily stressed and need abit extra guidance and support than someone else then so be it. I am really fed up living in a judgmental society where even our ability to cope with tough situations is used as a comparison. It then leads to people being afraid to ask for help and just suffer in silence because they feel like that are aren't as strong as other people or can't handle things as well.
But we need to embrace the differences we all have, support others where we can and just accept that it's ok to need help!

Tuesday 30 August 2016

Self-confidence...

Apologies if this is something I have spoken about before, and I am pretty sure I have.
A massive part of my anxiety stems from self-confidence (or should I say, lack of it) and recently I have noticed it is for so many people.

It is so sad that we can always pick out the bad things about ourselves but as soon as someone asks what our good qualities are its almost impossible to think of any.

A lot of the time when I am making any decisions about doing something, my doubts are not usually focused on the decision its self but my ability to do it. Am I good enough is always a question that is floating around my head.

When someone I know is having a wobble with their self-confidence I can always think of a million and one reasons why they are amazing and shouldn't be thinking like that. But if you flip it round that is exactly what you feel like when it's to do with yourself.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where you are classed as arrogant or stuck up if you say anything remotely positive about yourself, so 'apparently' its much easier to rip into yourself and make yourself feel horrendous.

If you think about half the things you say to yourself and all the negative stuff you think about yourself, you wouldn't dream of saying it to a friend or family member so why is it OK to do it to yourself?

I think its about time everyone got a bit of self belief and a pinch of the 'f**k it' attitude.

Now I know this is cliche, but life is far too short, so whats the crime in actually believing in a yourself! Go on I dare you to pay yourself a compliment, even if its just the one.

Monday 8 August 2016

Being quite the pessimist, when people said 'Think positive thoughts' or 'Be around positive people' tbh I always thought it was a load of crap and thought it would never make a difference. I can't tell you how much I stressed about the 100 happy days phase because I thought what if nothing good happens in that day, what a complete negative nancy!!

Over the past couple of years and most recently over the past couple of months I have become close with people who have totally changed my mindset on this. Another aspect of my negativity and lack of self confidence means I really struggle with ever believing a compliment. But being surrounded by genuine positive people I am slowly learning that maybe people do mean what they say when saying something nice.

It has been completely refreshing to be around people who support you and see all your good points rather than picking on the negative. I don't mean you have to be over the top and fake about what you say, but the tiniest compliment can work wonders on an otherwise negative mind!

Let's admit, we do live in a pretty shitty world. Lots of negative things happening on a daily basis, so why do we make it worse by dragging each other down at the same time. Being around people who totally believe in you and truly believe that you deserve the best, is a massive boost in motivation and confidence. There is something to say about feeling appreciated in giving you the tiny bit of selfworth you struggle to find in yourself.

Pay someone a little compliment, tell someone how amazing they are! You won't believe how worthwhile and meaningful it is for some people. This quote is just perfect for what I am trying to say, 'The best kind of friendships are fierce friendships, believe in each other, defend each other, and think the other deserves the world'. Let's have each other's backs instead of bitching behind them.


Sunday 24 July 2016

Things I wish I knew...

Things I wish I knew about having anxiety four years ago...
And for anyone struggling with anything right now.  


  • You are not alone, there are 100s of 1000s of people going through exactly what you're going through, always remember that and take comfort in that fact.
  • No matter how many times you explain yourself to someone not everyone will ,'get it'. That's ok though and you have to accept that. 
  • You're going to have to quickly realise as the above, not everyone will be nice about it, 'it's all in your head so that makes it not true remember'.  (Rolls eyes)  But you have to eff the haters and all that. 
  • Something that you think is the absolute worst possible thing to ever happen to you, can actually bring along with it amazingness too, I have made life long friends just from all being anxious messes. 
  • There are that many symptoms you can possibly feel, it can be difficult to keep track. But on a positive note, anxiety does not kill you! Otherwise I'd be long gone speaking from PLENTY of experience!! 
  •  It is not something you can fight off by eating oranges like a cold. In fact its much worse if you do try and fight it. Acceptance is key. 
  • Then once you have accepted it, let it be. What will be will be.
  • Always always listen to your body when it's giving you the warning signs that you need to chill the hell out and look after yourself. It's ok to need to fix your mind from time to time. 
  • There is no such thing as 'normal' so stop trying to search for whatever it is or whatever it feels like.  
  • Also you are pretty kick ass for dealing with this on a daily basis and not giving up! 

Saturday 23 July 2016

Be patient...

One thing I really recommend when struggling with things, is to have patience. The strange thing is, I would class myself as a pretty patient person in most aspects of my life apart from with myself.

I beat myself up no end if I think things aren't happening as quick or like I expected. But it's really important that you give yourself time. Having the added pressure or timescale to when you will feel better or will have achieved something can make you feel worse. Especially like me, when you put a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself for no reason.

Let's be realistic, nothing happens over night but see it as a work in progress. Everything happens when you least expect it and I am starting to think that might be true.

You will get there, little steps at time. After everything you've already gone through, you are still here waiting, so doesn't that tell you something?

Sunday 10 July 2016

Please don't give up...

It can be easy to believe you don't have the strength to keep on going, to feel like you don't have any energy left. But trust me you do, you wouldn't be where you are if you weren't a tough cookie.

When it feel so hard it's a sign that good things are about to happen. It can be hard to see all the things we are being brave about, but if I we were constantly aware of Everything then that would reinforce that we are scared of whatever it is.

I saw a quote last week that said that the desire to quit something is a sign that you are closer to succeeding. This quote gave me a much needed boost of belief in myself and my ability to deal with certain things.

So just when you're feeling like everything is getting a little too much... life doesn't throw things at you that you aren't strong enough to handle. You absolutely can do this!



Wednesday 29 June 2016

Be yourself...

I am a strong believer in just being yourself and I have probably written something very similar before now.

I think we live in a society where there is constant pressure to be a certain way and everyday can feel like a competition with other people.

Obviously everyone has the need or want to change certain things about themselves and that's perfectly fine.

But I've discovered that specific things are specific to you as a person and are near impossible to change.

 It's absolutely draining trying to change a part of you that's just who you are.

 Surely if that's part of your personality or make up then you should embrace it and use it to the best of its ability, instead of trying to squash it down and feeling deflated and drained when no matter how much you try it just won't go away.

We wouldn't say to someone that they absolutely need to alter a physical part of themselves so why is it ok to drag someone down because they are too nice, too quiet or even too funny?

And as cheesy as this sounds, in the words of Jessie J, 'Just be true to who you are'




Saturday 25 June 2016

Free floating Anxiety...

When trying to explain to someone what a anxiety is it can be quite difficult because everyone feels anxious at some point through their life.

One good thing is, yeah, it is possible for every single human  being to feel anxious so what you're feeling isn't something abnormal. However with free floating Anxiety and other anxiety disorders the feeling is pretty much there most of the time.

There is usually no specific cause and you will normally worry about everything and anything. This is why its the worst when people say 'just try not to worry' because it's literally impossible.

There are so many different types of anxiety and diferent ways it can manifest which I don't think many people realise. I know so many people who suffer from it but it's always a tiny bit different in each person.

On top of all the thoughts people with anxiety have they will also be having loads of physical symptoms at the same time. This usually causes even more anxiety because you don't know whats going on. After my most recent Drs trip, he said that people have never really connected the brain and physical symptoms, but they are so closely linked. Even being a bit run down physically can play havoc on anxiety.

Anxiety will normally vary in intensity throughtout a persons life and get better or worse at different times.

I just take comfort in knowing I'm not alone and so many people go through this on a daily basis. And also that these feelings are normal, it wouldn't even be possible to feel them if it wasnt. It annoys me that having extreme levels of anxiety is always seen as a weakness but everyone feels it just in different amounts.


Tuesday 21 June 2016

Be strong...

Just when I thought I'd felt every anxiety symptom possible, I started feeling a tad strange again.

I wrote before about depersonalisation being a symptom of anxiety and it is something I have felt before but not for long periods of time. This time it's decided to stick around for longer than I would of liked.

So basically what happens is when your brain has had enough of being anxious it goes into protective mode, pretty clever really but can be quite freaky when you don't know what's going on.

I was scared about writing about this, silly really when I'm so open about having anxiety and encourage people to be the same. But I'm not going to lie I've felt like I am literally about to lose my mind at any second.

When you have depersonalisation and derealisation you feel like you're in a dream 24/7, kinda like you're on drugs which for some people sounds like a joy but for someone who is obsessed with being in control of yourself it's bloody awful!
I've also had symptoms where I've not felt like myself, especially when I look in the mirror, I do know it's me and I look exactly like I always have but not felt like me inside.

The good news is everyone has said I'm acting exactly the same as always and they can't tell at all! Which to me is a massive relief when I've felt so odd!

So, in true , 'me' style I have got as much reassurance from people as possible and also took a trip to the Drs! Luckily I have a very understanding Dr and he knew immediately what I was harping on about! He told me it's completely normal and its very common in anxiety sufferers unfortunately. Basically us peeps with anxiety are uber aware of every little feeling our body feels compared with other people. He told me to know it will get better and that I have overcome everything else and it is possible to overcome this too. Phew!!

I have started to realise that we all need to be kinder to ourselves. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, we keep going even though it feels like walking through mud at times!

Anxiety is a funny old thing and can manifest itself in so many different symptoms and has a very good way of telling your mind little lies. But again, you won't be alone when feeling a certain feeling or symptom, there will always be someone who has gone through it too! Don't suffer in silence either, that makes it soo much worse. Keep fighting and being strong, you can do this!





Tuesday 15 March 2016

Don't fight it...

So after a recent bout of the dreaded anxiety, I felt that it was definitely about time to do some blog writing.

You would think after coming up to 4 years of having anxiety I would know what it was when it started creeping up again.

The truth is I probably did, but then why did I still insist on fighting against it, pushing it to one side because I didnt want to face it or admit that I was struggling.
The whole thing goes against what I've been harping on about all this time.

Just because our brains need a little TLC from time to time, why do we still feel embarrassed to say anything.

Pretending like there is nothing wrong only makes you feel worse. Even if that is just admitting it to yourself, it is sooo important to accept these wobbles.

It is exhausting when you are going through a tough time so don't make it harder by trying to put up a fight. It's ok to not be ok all of the time, we are only human after all.

Take Care.