Hey it's OK #2...

To like dogs more than you like some humans.

To cry. Let it all out :)

To not jump on the bandwagon.

To admit you need help with something. Everybody does!

To actually think you look nice in your new outfit.

Tuesday Pep Talk... #2

We are always told to treat other people how we want to be treated ourselves but yet we are often our own worst enemies.

It is all well and good being kind to other people (& please don't stop doing that) but what about being kind to ourselves?

Whenever you have a tough day with whatever it may be, you should make an effort to be kind to yourself instead of punishing yourself.

At the end of the day instead of feeling angry or annoyed about something that has happened or how you have been feeling you should do something you enjoy and/or treat yourself!

Have a bath, read, watch a film, do yoga, drink a hot drink, watch crap TV, have that takeaway you can't stop thinking about! Do whatever makes you happy! :)

Tuesday Pep Talk...

I am sure many of you can agree that we are all in need of a pep talk once in a while. I know myself suffering with anxiety I feel better once I have spoken about how I am feeling or what I am worrying about with someone else, whether it's just to put my mind at rest or to give more a more rational answer to a problem.

Being in a reflective mood I have been thinking about how things have changed since starting with bad anxiety and how they are now. The answer is, that lots of things have changed massively and that is a combination of things such as, getting older, leaving Uni, moving house etc.

I still feel annoyed and sometimes disappointed  with myself when I have one of those random anxious days, which luckily I can recognise much more easily and do something about it sooner. I have to remind myself that its fine to have those kind of days and we wouldn't be human without them. Its completely normal to have some anxiety when there are big changes happening in your life.

Think about those days when you have felt completely overwhelmed with anxiety and worry but it still didn't stop you from doing what you wanted to do, they are the reason you are where you are now. Anxiety does not define you it is just a part of you, it doesn't mean that you don't have aspirations and passions. You are still you, you still have your own personality and you are just as able as everyone else to enjoy your life!

I find pushing yourself to do something which you thought you would never be able to do helps so much. Doing something (no matter how small) which you previously thought would cause you to freak out and realising that you can do it just fine can fill you with confidence and make you so happy! Even if you do have a little wobble whilst you are doing it coming out the other side and realising you can do it, and it wasn't so bad after all is so worthwhile.

Remember you are not the only person feeling like this, whatever situation you are in I am sure there are multiple people who feel just the same as you do, you aren't alone.

Don't give up...

Dear Readers...

Don't be annoyed at yourself when things don't quite go to plan, remember you tried and be proud of yourself for doing just that.

Bad things will and do happen, and things do get better I promise. It is completely OK to accept the fact that you are feeling anxious, sad or down about something, be open about what that is and give whatever it is the time it needs.

When you feel like giving up, don't, you are stronger than you think.

Give yourself more credit, concentrate on how far you have come already.

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Rant...

So, I am a strong believer in being yourself and absolutely despise peer pressure. I don't know if this is just because I was born a 60 year old or I have just been there, done that and in some cases unfortunately worn in the t-shirt.

It has always kind of got to me how there are certain expectations to be a particular way in my generation and if you don't fit into this category you are immediately an outcast.

Who came up with the rules on how you should be/look/act at different times of your life? Apparently individuality is respected but then how come you are made to feel inadequate just because you aren't a clone of everybody else.

I don't understand why you should feel unhappy because you don't feel comfortable in certain situations or doing certain things. You wouldn't tell someone to do something to purposely make them feel unhappy so why is there so much pressure on people.

Be yourself, do what makes you happy, if people don't like you for being yourself then they aren't worth knowing! :)

...and breathe!

Thinking...

I guess I don't really know where to start with this blog post, I have been thinking about it for a couple of weeks and I don't believe that anything I write will actually be able to do the subject justice.

Just like the majority of the population I was shocked and saddened by the tragic death of Robin Williams and was overwhelmed by the impact he had upon people in my generation in particular.

It's really hard to put into words how I really feel, but it really does baffle me as to why we live in a society in which many areas continue to advance and change over night and we can't quite keep track of when the latest piece of technology is going to be created, yet our mental health is overlooked as though its just a nettle sting.

I don't believe that there is any excuse for people to not be aware of and understand what mental health and mental illness is yet there is still a huge stigma attached. It really just makes me so sad that it took something so awful and heartbreaking to happen for awareness to raised about something as serious as depression. I am sure we don't all have complete understanding about other illnesses which people we know suffer from but yet we manage to be supportive instead of ignorant.

The lack of support, awareness, understanding and the negative stigma surely can only make it so much worse for the sufferer and can result in devastating outcomes which could perhaps otherwise be prevented.

Why is something we all treasure in other circumstances forgotten about when it needs taking care of?
Talking is something so many people take for granted on a daily basis but it could be what saves someone else's life.

Understanding Anxiety - Unhelpful Thinking Styles...

Like I mentioned in my previous post Anxiety has been said to be a product of unhelpful thinking styles, which in most cases people see them as being unchangeable. Note, these ways of thinking are not labeled as 'Bad' but unhelpful, these thinking patterns are usually exaggerated due to the individual suffering from them not having the belief or strength that they can actually change them.

These thinking styles are unhelpful because of the impact that have on your thoughts and feelings about certain  things and how you respond as a result. Even if the root cause of your anxiety is not down to this, having unhelpful thoughts will intensify your anxious feelings and alter the way you act or behave.

Negative
Anxiety revolves around dwelling on what has happened in the past and worrying about what could happen in the future. Thinking in this way encourages negativity because we tend to only focus on the difficulties and bad times we experience. Having negative thoughts only increases anxiety but you have the ability to change how you think about a situation. Overall having anxiety isn't a very nice experience but try not to make it even worse by thinking negatively about it. It is common for anxiety sufferers to use one negative experience of something as a warning that something negative will happen every time you are going to do the same thing again.

Paranoid
Someone who usually worries a lot is likely to take things which other people say or do to heart or personally and will be quick to make assumptions about what people think of them.

Catastrophic
Catastrophising is the irrational thought that everything is much worse than it actually is. This is extremely common with someone who suffers from anxiety. Like I have mentioned many times a huge part of anxiety is spent predicting what might go wrong in the future and it is likely that whatever you have in mind will be the worst case scenario.

Black and white thinking
This kind of thinking is believing that something is all or nothing. This can lead to people with anxiety to put a large amount of pressure of themselves to be/do something in a certain way. As a result people usually become extremely self critical when little things go wrong or they don't quite feel right.

Like I said our thoughts can have a massive impact on feelings of anxiety, stress or just our moods in general.
Many of these thoughts take place without any control so therefore it is important to recognise them as just being 'thoughts' and the majority of the time are not based on facts.
Once you can identify the various unhelpful thought patterns which you can have you can begin to challenge them when they occur. The more you have the same unhelpful thoughts the more you start to understand why you are having them. If you can categorize your thoughts within the different thought patterns it becomes easier to manage them. If you get into the practice of writing down when you have one of those unhelpful thoughts seeing it written down also helps to put things into perspective. Seeing it written down on paper also allows you to create a contradictory thought which will help to prove how unrealistic your thoughts actually are.

Recognising when you are having the unhelpful thoughts and confronting them will have an impact on how you are feeling.

Goals or No Goals...

When I first started writing my blog I decided it was a good idea to give myself a set of monthly goals. I soon began to realise this actually wasn't all that good for someone like me. The kind of goals I am talking about are the ones you give yourself on top of things where you are likely to already have set goals like Work, School and University for example.

If I have something to do, I have to do it and get frustrated if it doesn't get completed like I wanted it to. I started using the goals to dictate what I was doing for the month and felt really disappointed when I happened to miss a circuit training class or didn't manage to drink enough water one particular day. I just gave myself added 'pressure' for no reason at all and instead of it being beneficial it resulted in me feeling annoyed at myself for not being able to do this little things which I had created myself.

I realised that all the goals were just little things which I actually enjoyed doing or should really be doing anyway (drinking plenty of water). Making something you enjoy doing into a specific goal for you to reach just makes you not want to do it because your telling yourself that you have to. Reading is something which I love to do, I love to get into a really good book and use it as a way of relaxing but by putting it on a list of monthly goals I just got fed up with myself for not managing to finish a book because 'life' got in the way.

We can't predict what will happen from one week to the next and therefore why give yourself added pressure of personally making 'goals' which may or may not be achieved. I decided to look at it differently and suggest other people who struggle with setting yourself certain goals to try and do this also. Instead of making a list of things you have to do be aware of the things which you hope or want to do and if you manage to do them then you will feel pleased with yourself for choosing to do it without feeling forced into it.

I've noticed in a number of different things that as humans we don't really like being told that we should be doing something and feel much better when we have made the decision ourselves. Even if you want to make a list of things which you hope to achieve in a specific space of time don't call them goals, don't set them as a task just let them happen when they happen. If you manage to fit in three days a week of exercise then great, if you don't then who cares!

A Thought for Thursday #17...

Understanding Anxiety - Physical Symptoms...

It is definitely true that the more set backs you have with anxiety or any mental illness, sooner rather than later you become able to recognise when the feelings are happening. Understanding what those feelings are is a massive step in the right direction. I am in no way claiming that what I am saying is 100% accurate and the same for everyone who has anxiety or I am trying to say everyone who suffers from these symptoms they definitely have anxiety. I am just using my experience and knowledge I have gained myself to try and help other people understand. If you think you are suffering from Anxiety or any other kind of mental illness I would still recommend that you speak to someone else and arrange to see a Dr or other professional.

Although Anxiety is under the mental illness umbrella a lot of the symptoms are physical and more importantly everyone and anyone has the capability of feeling anxious at any time in their life. Anxiety is largely developed from unhelpful thinking styles and as a result worry may become disproportionate to the actual situations. There can be many reasons that people suffer with anxiety but in some cases such as mine my anxiety is 'free floating' and naturally in my body so therefore it can be triggered more easily than other peoples and doesn't necessarily have to be due to a stressful situation, in fact I find that serious situations and things which are 'normal' to worry about I am actually fine with . Everyone's body has the ability to react to extreme situations and the flight or fight adrenaline response kicks in which is actually very useful. Initially for someone suffering from anxiety these feelings can be very daunting because when they take place they are usually aren't in a frightening situation. Being able to recognise and understand the symptoms which can occur during periods of high anxiety allows you to realise that, that is what it is and not something abnormal. This has helped me tremendously and the more times I have felt them I have managed to notice them sooner and calm myself down. It has taken me two years to get to the point where I am able to understand my anxiety and not completely freak out every time I have the same feelings, this is disappointing in contemporary society and I really want to help people realise that what they are feeling is completely normal.  I read somewhere that a helpful way to view anxiety is that it is a defense mechanism and is in no way trying to purposely harm your body.

Physical symptoms of anxiety

Racing heart or palpitations
This is one very common symptom of anxiety and equally scary if you don't know why you suddenly feel like your heart is racing. Your heart beats faster because your body realises adrenaline and therefore blood is pumped around the body quicker to prepare your body in the fight or flight response this makes perfect sense when you read it like this but when it happens from the tiniest trigger it feels much worse.

Body Temperature
Your body temperature usually rapidly changes when you are feeling anxious. Initially you will feel very hot and probably start sweating as a way of cooling down (very glamorous I know) Once you reach the peak of the anxiety attack you may start to feel shivery and shaky this is a result of your muscles contracting because you will naturally tense up during this time and also your body will start to cool down after a short while.

Fuzzy head/headaches
As a result of all the adrenaline pumping around the body and your heart beating faster, it is likely that you will feel faint or dizzy. This again is a perfectly normally response to feeling anxious.

Tummy trouble
During a period of feeling anxious your body is concentrating on your heart and getting the blood to the right places as a result your digestive system temporary shuts down. This can lead to feelings of butterflies, sickness, churning, poor appetite and going to the toilet frequently. Having these kind of symptoms aren't very nice but once you understand the reasons why you are suffering from them it makes it just that little bit easier to deal with. You may also notice that tummy problems stay around even after you aren't feeling particularly anxious.

Tiredness
My doctor said to me that every time you have an episode of anxiety or a panic attack your body produces enough adrenaline to be able to run a marathon, no wonder you feel tired afterwards. Being tired can therefore have an impact on your thought patterns and a result become more negative which will have a knock on effect on your anxiety.

Rapid breathing
As the blood in your body is been directed to all the vital organs this may increase your breathing. Over a period of time in your body being used to taking short sharp breaths it may lead to hyperventilation. This again is pretty scary at the time and more than likely will make you freak out even more. Once you begin to understand the reason behind you feeling this way the easier it is to manage and eventually calm down. I went through a bad spell with thinking I couldn't breathe and as a result thinking it was something to do with my heart at the time I was at my fittest and could comfortably run just over 6 miles, this made me realise that if it was something more serious wrong with me I definitely wouldn't have been able to do that.

Derealisation
I have had this symptom numerous times during when I have felt anxious or had a panic attack and it can be quite difficult to explain to people who have never experienced it. Basically, derealisation is the feeling as though what you are experiencing is a dream and it doesn't feel real. Having anxiety you are constantly aware of how you and your body feels and therefore, sometimes you aren't really paying attention to your surroundings and whats going on around you, this can make you feel like you aren't yourself at times.

I want to do a couple more posts surrounding Anxiety and helping people understand it a little bit better, so next time I will cover the unhelpful thought patterns which can be created as a result of having Anxiety. Remember anyone can experience Anxiety whether you are actually suffering for a short or long period of time.

Hey It's OK...

Inspired by Glamour Magazine & cos we all need a little reassurance from time to time.

To not do any exercise all week but still have that piece of cake

To not even feel slightly guilty about the above.

To wear the same pair of trousers three times in one week just because you can't be bothered to choose another outfit.

To go to bed before 10'o'clock.

To tell people you love to read but haven't picked up a proper book in months.

To actually want to smile and say Hello to strangers.

To have days when you are actually OK.

To equally have days where you aren't, we are human after all.

To have good intentions in the morning and tell yourself you will productive, just after you've watched another episode of Friends.

To actually enjoy eating salad and choose to eat it.

A Thought for Thursday #16...

Count your blessings...

Recently I have been trying to make an effort every time I am worrying about something to actually ask myself 'What is it I am actually worrying about?'. Confronting the worry straight away and turning it around on itself, I have noticed that the majority of things I do worry about are unimportant and insignificant in comparison to what others have gone through or are currently going through. An amazing quote which I always remind myself about is 'Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain'. I have been asking myself is there really any need to dwell on these things which aren't actually happening at the time.

We can all be guilty of only seeing the bad things in ourselves and our lives but recently I have become more aware of how important it is to be grateful for what we have. I have being taking time to appreciate what I have and not worry about things which could go wrong or things which I dislike about myself. There are always people who are happy with less than you have in many different ways so why is it so difficult to be grateful for what you do have. If you really do think about it there are so many things to be thankful for and therefore we should all take time to count our blessings instead of our troubles. If you take the time to actually count your assets you will find that there are a lot more positives than negatives. Not only is this a positive way to live in general you do actually feel better in yourself for being more aware of the little things we take for granted.

We live in a society where we are led to believe that we should always be striving for something better and that using your skills and the 'positive' aspects of your live are the only way you are going to become successful. I always feel inspired by people who use something negative in their lives and turn into something positive. Initially I believed having Anxiety was a major negative in my life and only bad things would happen as a result of it. My doctor said to me instead of seeing it as something bad which has happened in my life, I should turn my liability into an asset. Writing this blog for example has turned something I thought of as a huge negative aspect of my life into something massively positive, not just for myself but for other people as well .

Spare some time to count your blessings and try to turn the things you believe are bad about yourself into something positive!

A thought for Thursday #15...

My Sociology teacher used to have this quote on the wall in his classroom when I was at school and since then it has always been one of my favorites. I am strong believer in equal opportunities, everyone should express themselves through what they are good at, everyone is good at different things and that should always be viewed in a positive way. 

How boring would life be if everyone was the same, doing the same things. 

Chunk Days...

I am just writing this blog post whilst in sunny Bournemouth, it has been really nice to get away from everyday things and have a complete change of scenery. This post is more of a short but sweet one compared with my usual ramblings.

Anyway, here is some more valuable advice from my Auntie I wanted to share with you all because I have found it really helpful myself. I am sure many people with anxiety or the tendency to over think and worry will be aware of getting that overwhelming feeling when a big/important day is coming up or maybe you are going to have to do something which you are afraid of. 

It is pretty easy to get yourself into a huge ball of anxiety and panic before that day has even arrived and so when it does actually happen you feel horrendous and it just reinforces the fact that you are scared of that thing in particular. I can feel quite anxious if I have a day where lots of things are going to be happen and I am going to be really busy. I tend to see the day as one big mix of all the things together and as a result begin feel under pressure to feel OK for the whole day. Busy days can be stressful even for those who don't worry very much. 

Basically, if you have one of those kind of days coming up you should try to break the whole day into small manageable chunks and therefore each little thing doesn't seem so overwhelming. Each time you achieve or complete one of the chunks you already feel better about the day and realise it isn't going to be as bad as you thought it was going to be.  

It may even be helpful to make a list of the different chunks of your day and tick them off as you have done them, this also helps to see how far you've come and that you were perfectly fine whilst doing so, which in turn gives you more and more confidence when you have another big day coming up. 

I have used this method in a number of different situations and it really does help!

A Thought for Thursday #14...

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The Power of Now...

I am currently reading a book called The Power of Now written by Eckhart Tolle. Often when I am reading books or blogs etc, I find something which I have never thought about before and it allows me to see things in a slightly different way. Each time I can see anxiety from a different perspective and as a result use the knowledge I gain to move forward.  

Through reading this book I realised how much anxiety (for me in particular) is based around time. In fact I would probably say that all of my anxiety has stemmed from time and my thoughts about time. People with anxiety spend the majority of their time dwelling on the past and wondering about the future but never actually living in the now.

Eckhart Tolle has helped me to start and make more sense of the things I worry about by stating that no problems actually happen in the now. Problems are created psychologically via thoughts about something which has already happened or what could potentially happen in the future. I soon realised this is completely accurate for my anxiety. When something serious happens or an actual problem does occur I seem to handle it pretty well in comparison to when I am feeling really anxious for no reason in particular. This is because when something worth worrying about actually happens you don't have much time to think about it as it is going to happen regardless of how much you do worry about it.

Tolle discusses how the past and future are just illusions and there is no such thing as either of them. Everything happens in the now because when it did happen it was actually present day when it was taking place. (Hopefully that makes sense). I think this is a positive way to look at things for someone who suffers from anxiety, as I spend a lot of my time thinking about things which have already happened which I can't change anyway and wondering what is going to happen in the future overall this is an unrealistic way to live.

It then got me thinking that we live in a very time orientated society and everyone spends the majority of their life looking into the future. Everything we do is based on time and having a 'the grass is always greener' attitude to life. I noticed this min myself with waking up and the first thing I do is check Twitter and Instagram this is already reinforcing the fact that we don't live in present time and we consumed by what others are doing. I do love social networking sites in particular having a nosy on Instagram but it isn't useful checking it first thing in the morning. I am trying to make sure I don't go on it straight away and take a few minutes to live in the 'now' when I first wake up.

It is extremely difficult to live like this in contemporary society but even if you just spend a few minutes a day trying to live in the present it can be beneficial. Depending on your individual circumstances, you could just go for a walk and spend your time concentrating on your surroundings or on the other hand you could do some light meditation, I use Calm.com which I find really helpful in taking a few minutes away from my thoughts.

This is just a small snippet from the book which I wanted to share because I have found it beneficial for me. Hopefully it will be helpful and again I definitely recommend this book to everyone, with anxiety or not!

A Thought for Thursday #13...

Make an effort to do something kind for someone. 

Pay someone a compliment, I can guarantee it will make them feel a bit better than they might have done before. 

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Long Distance Relationships...

Fast approaching is the time when people leave school and start moving away to University. If you are currently in a relationship you may find yourself being asked the dreaded question of ‘so are you going to stay together?’

I remember very clearly being asked on a number of occasions so what are you going to do? In response to my boyfriend moving to the other end of the country. In all honesty I hadn’t really thought about us not staying together until people started questioning me. This made me start wondering whether it was the norm to just split up before you even started a long distance relationship and if it actually was the be all and end all.

I found that there is a hell of a lot of negativity surrounding long distance relationships with the majority of people putting a huge downer on the situation by saying ‘oh it won’t work out’. How can people actually have an opinion on your personal relationship and know whether it will work out or not. Relationships break down when your partner lives round the corner so I don’t think you should base your decision whether to stay with someone on the distance between you. Basically all I am trying to say is don’t listen to anyone else, make your own decisions and remember only you and your partner know how you really feel about the situation.

After being in a long distance relationship for nearly four years here are just a few things I’ve learnt and decided I would share them with you, especially for anyone who a LDR or maybe going to be in one sometime soon.  I am not saying these are golden rules for surviving a long distance relationship at the end of the day you have to make your own decisions and everyone’s relationship is different.  

Utilise the internet and social media. Long gone are the days of people sat waiting for a letter to arrive from their partner who lives miles away. Although, it is still hard when you don’t live near your boyfriend/girlfriend (unless you want to pretend you’re in The Notebook ) you definitely can’t complain that it hasn’t been made a tad easier to stay in touch with someone thanks to the range of modern technology. This is going to be your main source of communication for the time you spend about so use it! When you don’t see or speak to each other every single day the times when you do, you have much more to talk about and the conversation is better.  Sometimes it is easier to plan a time when you can ring or Skype and it is something you can look forward to at the end of the day.

Be honest with each other and talk about any problems you might have. Don’t keep your problems to yourself as it much more likely to end up in an argument which is 10 times more difficult when you aren’t face to face with that person.

Arrange to do things for the time when you are together again it is something for you to look forward to as well as this fact you are going be seeing each other. One of the good things however is that you don’t have to spend loads of money trying to do something fancy because you start to appreciate the little things like just getting a takeaway and watching film together because you don’t do it that often.

Assumingly if you are in a long distance relationship your partner is living in a different city /area of the country or perhaps even in different country all together, but you can see it as going on a mini holiday every time you visit them. Although my boyfriend did decide to move to the other end of the country, it is by the seaside and it is a really nice place to go and visit, plus the weather is usually nicer down there.

I know I harped on earlier about the amazingness of social media etc but there is also something kind of special about receiving a card or letter in the post when it’s from someone you haven’t seen for ages. So maybe you could surprise each other with little packages or letters which might not be as meaningful if you lived close by.

Anyway enough of the lovey dovey stuff, the main thing is you and your partner make any decisions about your relationship yourselves, because quite frankly it’s no one else’s business. 

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A Thought for Thursday #12...

Concentrate on yourself for once, think of the amazing things you've done or are doing now. 

Don't compare yourself to others. 

A Thought for Thursday #11...

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How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie...

In my opinion there aren’t that many resources regarding anxiety which I have found genuinely useful. In fact I can probably count on one hand the amount of books and websites etc which I have thought were genuinely helpful and made a difference to how I have felt.

To say we are currently living in the 21^st century with the power of the internet, the help and support readily available for personal everyday use is disproportionate the amount of people who are statistically suffering from mental illness. Disappointingly, I have found that the majority of books which I have been recommended are quite dated to say that mental health has been and still is an ongoing problem for many people.

However, a friend recommended a book to me back in April which is written by Dale Carnegie called ‘How to stop worrying and start living’. It was published in 1984 but I have found it to be one of the most accurate and relatable books for someone who worries a lot.

The majority of the ‘recovery’ process with mental illness is based around self –help methods and it is very beneficial to find someone or something you can relate to and use every day to help yourself feel better.

Although Dale Carnegie's book was written quite a while ago I feel like the different rules and methods he gives you to try and overcome severe worrying can be equally used today as much as back then. So I am going to write about some of the steps which he discusses and relate them to myself and how they can be perhaps used in contemporary society.

I will probably split them into different posts as there is quite a lot of useful advice given. The book is separated into different sections to help you manage your worrying in a more positive way. It helps you to accept that you may need help but shows you that it is possible to feel better by adopting different thought patterns to your everyday life.

Dale Carnegie stresses how important it is for you to have the upmost desire to want to change yourself in order for this book to be successful. Although other people can give you as much support, guidance and advice that you need at the end of the day you have to want to help yourself. I found that fully accepting the issue you are suffering from is vital in moving forward.   

The first section of the book which I will discuss in this blog post will demonstrate how understanding worry by analysing what you are actually worrying about can prevent it from taking control of your whole life.

Live in day tight compartments

Firstly Carnegie writes about how living in day tight compartments can be extremely helpful for those who suffer from severe worrying. Obviously this is easier said than done for many people and understandably everyone has different circumstances and lifestyles. For someone who worries to the extent I do, it is easy to get into the bad habit of living your life based on what has already happened and what could potentially happen in the future. For me my anxiety is largely centred by the question ‘what if?’ the majority of the time and it isn’t a very healthy way to live your life. Because anxiety and other mental illnesses are not tangible you can begin to spend your life wondering when you feel like it again and hoping that you never will.  I have used this method many times before and will continue to do so as it is very helpful in allowing you to take small steps in feeling better instead of wondering how you are going to feel a few days or few weeks down the line. I have being making a conscious effort to not predict or assume how I will feel when I wake up in the morning and just try and take the day as it comes.

What is the worst that could happen?

I think this is a great question to ask yourself when you suffer with worrying/anxiety. Constant worrying can make it extremely difficult to put things into perspective and consequently lead you to have all kinds of irrational thoughts. The power of your brain and your own anxious thoughts can really convince you that everything you worry about is actually true. By asking yourself what is the worst that could happen? And then accepting the worst mentally it makes it easier for you to start allowing yourself to forget about the illogical thoughts and put your problem into perspective.  Again this is something I have been trying to say to myself whenever I start to feel a bit anxious and so far it has actually helped me see the bigger picture in comparison to what I am worrying about.

Get the facts

This can seem like such a simple thing to do for people who have a consistently rational mind. I thought I would include this one of Carnegie’s rules within my blog post as it is very similar to a method I was taught during the therapy sessions. Firstly ask yourself; what is the use in worrying about something which you can’t prove is 100% truthful? I have said previously how useful it is to actually write down and make note of your worries, it makes it so much easier to change your perspective. I was given some worksheets which teach you to write down what you are worrying about, the facts which provide evidence that your thoughts are 100% accurate, any methods /techniques you used to solve the problem and finally how you felt once you had analysed your problem in this way. Using this method on a regular basis helps you to deal with your problem in a more logical way instead of it taking over your brain.

Keep busy!

Over-thinking is a massive aspect of anxiety and worrying. Constantly going over and over the problem in your head is one of the main causes for making my anxiety worse. It is important to keep busy to keep your mind occupied on something other than what you are worrying about. For me I get paranoid about having long periods of time with nothing to do because I feel like it gives me more chance to think and more time to feel anxious. You should use any spare time you do have in a productive way instead of immediately seeing it as a negative.  Put your energy and time into something you enjoy and that makes you feel happy. Go for a walk or a run (which is even better when the weather is as nice as it has been), read a book, catch up  with friends, write your own blog, even if you don’t share it publically it allows you to channel your thoughts into something positive instead of clogging up your head with negativity.  

Don’t sweat the small stuff!

I know from experience that when something does happen in my life which is actually worth worrying about, I am actually more in control of my worrying than when I am constantly worrying about lots of little everyday things. Carnegie discusses how we all manage to survive the big things in life but allow ourselves to get upset about all the little things. For this I will just leave you with a quote in Dale Carnegie’s book which we could all do with listening to, ‘Let’s not let ourselves get upset by small things which we should forget. Remember ‘Life is too short to be little’.

Living by the law of averages and co-operating with the inevitable.

Here are two points discussed in Carnegie’s book which I think work well together. In my experience of having anxiety the majority, (if not all) of the things which I worry about never actually happen in reality. Reading this chapter made me realise that I can’t go through life worrying and wondering about things which in the grand scheme of things are not likely to happen anyway. Using this approach over the past few days has made it slightly easier for me to just get on with things instead of thinking about what might happen.

Alongside this, it is important to be aware that things do and will happen which are beyond your control. Some things are going to happen whether you try and stop them or not. Anxiety is quite a lot about trying to be in control of situations at all times and having constant fear that you are not in control. Once you realise that there are some things which are completely out of your control it does help you to see things differently.  There is a prayer at the end of this particular chapter which I have turned into a quote for myself and the purpose of this blog which I think is perfect for someone suffering from anxiety to keep reminding themselves of every day.

‘Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference’.

Is it worth this amount of worrying?

Finally take a moment to think about whether whatever you are worrying about at this moment in time is actually worth the amount of worrying you are allowing it to have. Again this is another great approach to take to help you put things to perspective. It is perfectly normal to have worries and everyone will worry about something at some point in their lives.

A good thing to do is get the thing you are worrying about, apply all these different methods, perhaps say to yourself I will allow myself to have x amount of time to think about this problem and then once that time is up you will forget about it for the rest of the day. This provides you with the opportunity to give the thought as much time as its worth and hopefully as a result the smaller problems will require the smallest amount of time. 

I strongly recommend that if you do suffer from worrying or anxiety etc to buy this book! I got it from Amazon for 99p! 

Things can only get better...

Day 5 of Mental Health Awareness Week. 

:) 

It takes time...

Day four Mental Health Awareness week. 

Don't worry, be Happy!

Day 3 of Mental Health Awareness Week

Today you should try not to worry.

Enjoy the sunshine! 

You are stronger than you think...

Day Number 2 of Mental Health Awareness week.

I'm definitely not saying it is easy, taking the first step is the hardest but also the greatest thing you can do. 

Are you Anxiety Aware?

So, this week is the start of Mental Health Awareness week and the theme this year being Anxiety I obviously couldn't ignore it. I have had quite a tough time recently with my own Anxiety, following numerous chats and pep talks with my wonderful family and friends, I have woken up this morning and feel a bit better!

Not only do I want to help myself but I want to help other people who are struggling or who have struggled in the past. So, in return of people being kind, supportive and staying positive for me, I am going to share a quote, saying or picture everyday this week in aid of Mental Health Awareness week. 

Here is my first quote, I hope it helps! 

Pinterest

A Thought for Thursday #10...

It may not seem like it at this moment in time but...

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Note to self...

So where did April go seriously, I just feel like it has completely flown without me having a second to think.

In terms of my monthly goals I have been completely slacking and this post is just a reminder to myself to keep going in the right direction.

I also need to listen to my own advice. I continuously try and help people by writing this blog and offering advice the best I can. This month however I have gone off track a little bit and let my anxiety start taking control again, I am not really sure what has brought it on but I have found that it has been helpful to read back over my own writing and remind myself just how far I have come and how much better I have been compared to last year. I find it relatively easy to offer advice to other people and I always want to do the best for others. I do however find it the most difficult to actually listen to myself. 

Getting tangled back up into a constant state of worry can happen quite easily for me but in reality I know exactly what I should be doing to make myself better and I know I can feel better because I know I have done before.

So instead of being ignorant and letting my anxiety take control of me, I am going to do the easiest yet potentially hardest thing and take my own advice.

However, I do think it is important that we don’t sugar coat anxiety and it is vital that more awareness is raised about it as an actual illness.

It is more than likely that my anxiety is something which will never fully disappear. Acceptance is one of the biggest steps. I am probably always going to occasionally need some support and reassurance about my anxiety or any other problems I may have. I am the sort of person who feels better when I talk openly about any worries I have instead of letting them build up inside me. I have realised recently I have quite a few of people around me who are there to offer me the support I need, when I need it and can understand how I feel. I need to remember that I am not alone in this situation and I know that these people will be there for me whenever, if  I have a hard day or even a hard week.

Being able to recognise the symptoms of anxiety and knowing when I am feeling panicky should be seen as a positive and in turn I should use the knowledge and skills I have already learnt to move forward and make myself feel better again.

I need to take time to give myself more credit for how much better I am than I was before and how far I have actually come since the worst point. I have done things which I never thought I would be able to do again and things that I had never done before. I have always been my own worst enemy and bring myself down for the tiniest setbacks. I shouldn’t look back on the past and compare myself to how I have felt before as there is nothing I can do about it, ‘let the past bury, it’s already dead’ (Dale Carnegie). 

I am going to stop putting pressure on myself to feel a certain way and know that it is perfectly normal to have 'wobbles' occasionally. If the worst thing about me is that I have anxiety once in a while then things can't be too bad. 

I also started missing a couple of circuit training classes and now have got into the habit of not going for one reason or another. So it will be coming up to a month of me not doing much exercise. I know myself the positive results and all round benefits of exercise so I really need to get back on it as soon as possible. 

I am also going to aim to start running again, it doesn't need to be a specific distance or completed in a certain time I just need to run. According to the Dr's I naturally produce a lot of adrenaline anyway and it is useful to use it in a productive way that letting it go to waste and feeling rubbish as a result. 

Here's to moving forward, taking small steps, and staying positive. 

A Thought for Thursday #9

Firstly I apologise for this being late, I have had a bit of  tough week with my anxiety this week. I found this picture to help me to keep reminding myself how far I have already come.

Never give up no matter how difficult it may seem at the time! 

A problem shared is a problem halved...

Initiating the conversation with someone that you think you may be suffering from or have been diagnosed with a mental illness is one aspect of the whole thing which I have found the most difficult.

Although the blog post is written from the point of a view of someone who has had to have this particular type of conversation this may be helpful for those who need or want to start a conversation about anything to anyone.

For me, talking has been the best possible therapy whether it has just been a quick chat to someone about my anxiety or eventually plucking up the courage to speak to a doctor. I understand how difficult speaking about serious problems can be for some people and it especially doesn’t come easy when it is something you find hard to talk about openly.  There may be many reasons for feeling nervous about talking about your problem. One reason for me actually was having to admit there was something wrong and accepting that I have an anxiety disorder,saying it out loud makes it real. 

Initially it is important you talk to someone you trust and feel you can talk to about your problem. It is more than likely that you are going to be talking about an issue which can make you feel uncomfortable so finding the right person to begin the conversation with is vital. In some cases this could be your doctor and in that case you will already be taking the first step to feeling better and accepting that something is wrong. For me although going to the doctors wasn’t my first port of call the conversation I did have with the doctor immediately made me feel better because he understood how and why I was feeling the way I did. I also believe that it can be the hardest thing telling people who you are close to and speaking to someone who has experience of people suffering with the same symptoms as yourself can be reassuring it itself.

If you are a person who is listening during this conversation remember that this person has chosen to open up about something which is possibly very difficult for them to talk about. Try to come across as relaxed as possible and although you may not understand how this person is feeling make them aware that you are there to listen.

I think it is important to find the right time and place to begin your conversation about your problem. You want to feel as comfortable as possible when you are discussing how you feel. This may be that you would prefer to be at home in a familiar environment or you may feel better going for a coffee or doing something which you would do on a day to day basis which could encourage you to feel more ‘normal’ about the conversation you are going to have. Being away from home could also offer more opportunity to talk about different things and not just focus on your problem. 

Again, if you are reading this and you are on the receiving end of the conversation it is helpful if you perhaps change the subject of the conversation if the other person is showing signs of feeling uncomfortable. However it is imperative that you make them aware that you are there to listen and offer support and advice and will help in any way possible (this is most likely to be different with different people and different situations).

Take your time and don’t feel that you have to rush and tell everyone you know about how you feel. 

You may find you will need more than one conversation about your issue with the same person or you will need to repeat it to different people. 

You may not want to start the initial conversation face to face with someone, perhaps you could send an email or text message rather than saying everything all in one go. This means the person who is discussing their problems should be patient with the person who is listening and realise that it may take time for them to understand how you are feeling. And vice-versa for the other person, allow the individual to take their time and not to rush them into talking or taking the next steps.

I find that due to the lack of understanding other people have about mental illness this makes it harder for the sufferer to talk openly about it. Although there are many charities etc. which aim to get rid of the stigma attached to mental health a lot of people still make their own assumptions on how that individual should be feeling. I strongly suggest that people on both sides of the conversation should do their own personal research about whatever the issue may be in order to get a brief understanding. Perhaps the sufferer could print out some information or use a book to try and make it easier to for the other person to understand more about how they are feeling. 

I hope these few little pointers help when it comes to talking to someone about any problems you may have.

Let me know if you have any other methods and advice regarding this topic! 

A Thought for Thursday #8...

No matter how rubbish you think your day has been... 

Silence is louder than words...

I am in another one of my ranty moods and this is a topic which I have pondered about for quite a while now.

In my opinion being quiet doesn’t always mean you are a shy person. People who are thought to be quiet always have to provide an explanation for being the way they are because being slightly introverted is regarded as negative. I don’t consider myself to be a particularly shy person but numerous people have labelled me as being quiet.

It is another one of those judgements where people assume that quiet people lack the ability to be socially adequate. Maybe these people appear to quiet because they don’t get an opportunity to get a word in edge ways when they are surrounded by ‘loud’ people. Basically you don’t need to be a person shy to be classed as an introvert it just means you are quite happy being in your own company which to me isn’t always a bad thing.

I get the impression that we are all lead to believe that those who are loud and who are always the centre of attention are doing the right thing.  People use the fact that an individual who is quiet as having a poor personality. For example I have genuinely heard people say that someone is a nice person apart the fact that they are a quiet but never about someone who is more outgoing.

Being loud is always viewed in a positive way, being loud means you are confident and sociable and this must mean you have lots of friends.Just because you are quiet and perhaps prefer to keep your thoughts to yourself this doesn't mean you are inadequate compared with other people. We are falsely led to believe that introverted people cannot possibly make a difference and influence ideas and change.

I wrote this post a few weeks ago but haven’t actually got round to finishing it or like usual thinking it wasn’t good enough to share. There is an article in this month’s Company magazines which fits in perfectly with this blog post. It discusses how the internet provides ‘quiet’ people with the platform to finally speak their mind which they may not have been able to do so before.

This is exactly how I feel and I am sure many other bloggers do also. It has given me the opportunity to talk openly about an issue is which very important and close to my heart which I perhaps wouldn’t of got the chance to do. Because I am ‘quiet’, without the internet I wouldn’t have been able to share my thoughts to thousands of other people and help people like I have done already.

Having the ability to express yourself through different ways allows you to accept being you instead of hiding away and doubting your own beliefs. Just like Company magazine says ‘quiet’/introverted people still have just as many amazing personality traits and skills as ‘loud’/extroverted people, so instead of taking a back seat behind those who don’t stop talking, why not get your voice heard but in your own individual way!