Beauty is subjective...

So, I have recently been getting quite fed up with the world and the pressure to look a certain way.

I have started to notice that there are specific tick boxes that you need to be able to 'tick' to be classed as 'beautiful'.  

I am guilty of scrolling through social media and comparing myself to lots of different woman and body shapes that are supposedly what you SHOULD look like. 

I am 25 now and still find myself feeling down and immediately going to the mirror and thinking 'you definitely 100% need to lose some weight'. 

I am just glad that I am not ten years younger and as easily influenced. There is so much pressure on young girls today. They are constantly been told what beautiful is and that to be beautiful they must look a certain way. 

Now I have definitely put weight on since I was a teenager and gone up a couple of dress sizes even over the last couple of years. Recently I have been having a battle with myself and thinking I really need to get back down to the size I was before. 

I look at pictures and I am even comparing myself to myself. I look back at when I was my smallest and question whether thats I should look now. After all social media says so right? 

I might of actually been really slim back then and felt like I could wear anything I wanted. I was good enough to be classed as 'beautiful' by social media. But I know deep down at the time I wasn't happy at all. I had the worst anxiety I had ever had. I wasn't eating properly and that is the reason I was the size I was. I didn't even notice what size I was because my mind wasn't focused on by body, it was trapped by constant panic attacks and feeling so sick I couldn't eat. 

So if I really think about it when I am comparing myself to the 'old' version of me. Do I really want to be how I looked then? I might have a bit more junk in my trunk, but now I love food and don't feel like I am forcing myself to eat. My anxiety is manageable and doesn't control my life right now. 

I believe that your mental health is so important and if you are perfectly happy in your own skin then don't feel like you have to change to be classed as beautiful by the rest of society. I have read somewhere recently that happiness isn't a size and we spend so much time believing that it is. I am trying to embrace how I look now because I know I am so much happier. I am also reading Fearne Cotton's book 'Happy' at the moment and she talks a lot about there not being a clean cut definition of beautiful. She says that beauty is subjective, so one persons view on what an ideal body shape is, is totally different to another persons.  

Please remember, you are beautiful, no matter what shape you are. Stop comparing yourself to Instagram. 

New year, new you?

Does anyone else feel a little bit anxious and overwhelmed by the start of a new year? It might sound completely ridiculous but the thought of having a whole year that you supposedly should have planned out makes me feel a bit blergh! 

We are surrounded by every social media account telling us that we must start a fad diet and a crazy new fitness regime. I feel like there is a significant amount of pressure especially recently to be a certain way. I just think why would we make January even more depressing that it already is by putting so much pressure on yourself to eat well and exercise only to be consumed by a massive feeling of guilt when you accidentally slip up cos you fancied that last Quality street left in the tin. 

This doesn't mean that I am totally against excercise and I admire all the people with amazing determination and I am probs a tiny bit jealous of the people who have a body like Jessica Ennis. 

But I just wanted to say to the other peeps who like me are beating themselves up because they haven't started the new year with a work out DVD and are still munching the Christmas sweets and chocolate that it is OK too, and you are definitely not the only one. There is no set time to do something and if tomorrow you fancy doing a Body coach YouTube video then do it tomorrow, there is no reason why we should be under so much pressure. 

I also don't massively believe in New Years resolutions, for the exact same reason that I feel a stupid amount of guilt when I haven't met them. Why give yourself crazy resolutions and then hate on yourself because you don't quite achieve them?

Why not start by setting yourself some smaller goals and build yourself up to the big things. You don't have to become a totally different person just because the numbers of the year have changed. 

I decided that this year the only resolution type thing I would set myself is to be nicer to myself and spend more time focusing on things that make me happy rather than what other people think. 

So I think it's completely OK that you don't have your shit together yet, you haven't started working out and don't have massive life changing goals that you want to achieve by the end of the year. Be a little bit more selfish and take your time. 

We are all different...

So, as we all know, we are all different. But, I know myself that I am always comparing myself to others and how difficult it is not to. At times when I have felt horrendous with anxiety and again particularly most recently I feel guilty for even having anxiety. I get annoyed with myself because I hear about horrendous things people a have gone through on a daily basis through my job and think I have experienced nothing in comparison but why do I still suffer with an anxious mind.

We are trapped in a society where we are programmed to believe we should feel a certain way or react in a specific way in situations. But who on earth has the power to say to you how you will feel or how you will react when faced with something awful or even with something great? Now whoever made up that rule must not of realized that although we are all human we are all indivdual. So it's ok that you might feel something differently to someone else who has been in the same situation before. If something affects you just a little bit more than it does someone else then it really doesn't matter. There are no rules.

Anxiety or depression can be a way of your body and mind telling you that it's had enough. Now it doesn't matter if what's caused your anxiety or depression is or isn't worse than what someone else's, it just about your own personal tolerance. If you get easily stressed and need abit extra guidance and support than someone else then so be it. I am really fed up living in a judgmental society where even our ability to cope with tough situations is used as a comparison. It then leads to people being afraid to ask for help and just suffer in silence because they feel like that are aren't as strong as other people or can't handle things as well.
But we need to embrace the differences we all have, support others where we can and just accept that it's ok to need help!

Self-confidence...

Apologies if this is something I have spoken about before, and I am pretty sure I have.
A massive part of my anxiety stems from self-confidence (or should I say, lack of it) and recently I have noticed it is for so many people.

It is so sad that we can always pick out the bad things about ourselves but as soon as someone asks what our good qualities are its almost impossible to think of any.

A lot of the time when I am making any decisions about doing something, my doubts are not usually focused on the decision its self but my ability to do it. Am I good enough is always a question that is floating around my head.

When someone I know is having a wobble with their self-confidence I can always think of a million and one reasons why they are amazing and shouldn't be thinking like that. But if you flip it round that is exactly what you feel like when it's to do with yourself.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where you are classed as arrogant or stuck up if you say anything remotely positive about yourself, so 'apparently' its much easier to rip into yourself and make yourself feel horrendous.

If you think about half the things you say to yourself and all the negative stuff you think about yourself, you wouldn't dream of saying it to a friend or family member so why is it OK to do it to yourself?

I think its about time everyone got a bit of self belief and a pinch of the 'f**k it' attitude.

Now I know this is cliche, but life is far too short, so whats the crime in actually believing in a yourself! Go on I dare you to pay yourself a compliment, even if its just the one.

Being quite the pessimist, when people said 'Think positive thoughts' or 'Be around positive people' tbh I always thought it was a load of crap and thought it would never make a difference. I can't tell you how much I stressed about the 100 happy days phase because I thought what if nothing good happens in that day, what a complete negative nancy!!

Over the past couple of years and most recently over the past couple of months I have become close with people who have totally changed my mindset on this. Another aspect of my negativity and lack of self confidence means I really struggle with ever believing a compliment. But being surrounded by genuine positive people I am slowly learning that maybe people do mean what they say when saying something nice.

It has been completely refreshing to be around people who support you and see all your good points rather than picking on the negative. I don't mean you have to be over the top and fake about what you say, but the tiniest compliment can work wonders on an otherwise negative mind!

Let's admit, we do live in a pretty shitty world. Lots of negative things happening on a daily basis, so why do we make it worse by dragging each other down at the same time. Being around people who totally believe in you and truly believe that you deserve the best, is a massive boost in motivation and confidence. There is something to say about feeling appreciated in giving you the tiny bit of selfworth you struggle to find in yourself.

Pay someone a little compliment, tell someone how amazing they are! You won't believe how worthwhile and meaningful it is for some people. This quote is just perfect for what I am trying to say, 'The best kind of friendships are fierce friendships, believe in each other, defend each other, and think the other deserves the world'. Let's have each other's backs instead of bitching behind them.

Things I wish I knew...

Things I wish I knew about having anxiety four years ago...
And for anyone struggling with anything right now.  

• You are not alone, there are 100s of 1000s of people going through exactly what you're going through, always remember that and take comfort in that fact.
• No matter how many times you explain yourself to someone not everyone will ,'get it'. That's ok though and you have to accept that. 
• You're going to have to quickly realise as the above, not everyone will be nice about it, 'it's all in your head so that makes it not true remember'.  (Rolls eyes)  But you have to eff the haters and all that. 
• Something that you think is the absolute worst possible thing to ever happen to you, can actually bring along with it amazingness too, I have made life long friends just from all being anxious messes. 
• There are that many symptoms you can possibly feel, it can be difficult to keep track. But on a positive note, anxiety does not kill you! Otherwise I'd be long gone speaking from PLENTY of experience!! 
•  It is not something you can fight off by eating oranges like a cold. In fact its much worse if you do try and fight it. Acceptance is key. 
• Then once you have accepted it, let it be. What will be will be.
• Always always listen to your body when it's giving you the warning signs that you need to chill the hell out and look after yourself. It's ok to need to fix your mind from time to time. 
• There is no such thing as 'normal' so stop trying to search for whatever it is or whatever it feels like.  
• Also you are pretty kick ass for dealing with this on a daily basis and not giving up! 

Be patient...

One thing I really recommend when struggling with things, is to have patience. The strange thing is, I would class myself as a pretty patient person in most aspects of my life apart from with myself.

I beat myself up no end if I think things aren't happening as quick or like I expected. But it's really important that you give yourself time. Having the added pressure or timescale to when you will feel better or will have achieved something can make you feel worse. Especially like me, when you put a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself for no reason.

Let's be realistic, nothing happens over night but see it as a work in progress. Everything happens when you least expect it and I am starting to think that might be true.

You will get there, little steps at time. After everything you've already gone through, you are still here waiting, so doesn't that tell you something?