Beauty is subjective...

So, I have recently been getting quite fed up with the world and the pressure to look a certain way.

I have started to notice that there are specific tick boxes that you need to be able to 'tick' to be classed as 'beautiful'.  

I am guilty of scrolling through social media and comparing myself to lots of different woman and body shapes that are supposedly what you SHOULD look like. 

I am 25 now and still find myself feeling down and immediately going to the mirror and thinking 'you definitely 100% need to lose some weight'. 

I am just glad that I am not ten years younger and as easily influenced. There is so much pressure on young girls today. They are constantly been told what beautiful is and that to be beautiful they must look a certain way. 

Now I have definitely put weight on since I was a teenager and gone up a couple of dress sizes even over the last couple of years. Recently I have been having a battle with myself and thinking I really need to get back down to the size I was before. 

I look at pictures and I am even comparing myself to myself. I look back at when I was my smallest and question whether thats I should look now. After all social media says so right? 

I might of actually been really slim back then and felt like I could wear anything I wanted. I was good enough to be classed as 'beautiful' by social media. But I know deep down at the time I wasn't happy at all. I had the worst anxiety I had ever had. I wasn't eating properly and that is the reason I was the size I was. I didn't even notice what size I was because my mind wasn't focused on by body, it was trapped by constant panic attacks and feeling so sick I couldn't eat. 

So if I really think about it when I am comparing myself to the 'old' version of me. Do I really want to be how I looked then? I might have a bit more junk in my trunk, but now I love food and don't feel like I am forcing myself to eat. My anxiety is manageable and doesn't control my life right now. 

I believe that your mental health is so important and if you are perfectly happy in your own skin then don't feel like you have to change to be classed as beautiful by the rest of society. I have read somewhere recently that happiness isn't a size and we spend so much time believing that it is. I am trying to embrace how I look now because I know I am so much happier. I am also reading Fearne Cotton's book 'Happy' at the moment and she talks a lot about there not being a clean cut definition of beautiful. She says that beauty is subjective, so one persons view on what an ideal body shape is, is totally different to another persons.  

Please remember, you are beautiful, no matter what shape you are. Stop comparing yourself to Instagram. 

Long time no write...

So, I don't really have anything in particular that I want to write about. I have just recently realised how much I miss writing.

Life is so busy, we often forget to do the things we actually love to do. I always think there is no point in writing if I nothing really interesting to say, or just for the sake of it. But I logged onto my blog page and I people are still reading my blog when I haven't even posted for months.

Someone also asked if I was still blogging because I hadn't posted anything for ages and they assumed I was feeling better because of this. I do feel better than I did when I first started writing this blog, but anxiety and worry is something I still deal with on a daily basis. But I suddenly realised it was seemed a little bit selfish of me to have only been writing during the time I was feeling my worst when every day is a struggle for some people. Plus you don't even have to have any specific reason to need a pick me up or a touch of motivation.

To see that people are still reading and using my blog as a way of helping themselves made me feel so happy. I guess I'm just trying to say I am still here, I still appreciate and feel overwhelmed that people even read my ramblings. And to remind everyone as well as myself, to never stop doing something you love because life gets in the way. Do what makes you happy :)

Tuesday Pep Talk... #2

We are always told to treat other people how we want to be treated ourselves but yet we are often our own worst enemies.

It is all well and good being kind to other people (& please don't stop doing that) but what about being kind to ourselves?

Whenever you have a tough day with whatever it may be, you should make an effort to be kind to yourself instead of punishing yourself.

At the end of the day instead of feeling angry or annoyed about something that has happened or how you have been feeling you should do something you enjoy and/or treat yourself!

Have a bath, read, watch a film, do yoga, drink a hot drink, watch crap TV, have that takeaway you can't stop thinking about! Do whatever makes you happy! :)

Hey It's OK...

Inspired by Glamour Magazine & cos we all need a little reassurance from time to time.

To not do any exercise all week but still have that piece of cake

To not even feel slightly guilty about the above.

To wear the same pair of trousers three times in one week just because you can't be bothered to choose another outfit.

To go to bed before 10'o'clock.

To tell people you love to read but haven't picked up a proper book in months.

To actually want to smile and say Hello to strangers.

To have days when you are actually OK.

To equally have days where you aren't, we are human after all.

To have good intentions in the morning and tell yourself you will productive, just after you've watched another episode of Friends.

To actually enjoy eating salad and choose to eat it.

Count your blessings...

Recently I have been trying to make an effort every time I am worrying about something to actually ask myself 'What is it I am actually worrying about?'. Confronting the worry straight away and turning it around on itself, I have noticed that the majority of things I do worry about are unimportant and insignificant in comparison to what others have gone through or are currently going through. An amazing quote which I always remind myself about is 'Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain'. I have been asking myself is there really any need to dwell on these things which aren't actually happening at the time.

We can all be guilty of only seeing the bad things in ourselves and our lives but recently I have become more aware of how important it is to be grateful for what we have. I have being taking time to appreciate what I have and not worry about things which could go wrong or things which I dislike about myself. There are always people who are happy with less than you have in many different ways so why is it so difficult to be grateful for what you do have. If you really do think about it there are so many things to be thankful for and therefore we should all take time to count our blessings instead of our troubles. If you take the time to actually count your assets you will find that there are a lot more positives than negatives. Not only is this a positive way to live in general you do actually feel better in yourself for being more aware of the little things we take for granted.

We live in a society where we are led to believe that we should always be striving for something better and that using your skills and the 'positive' aspects of your live are the only way you are going to become successful. I always feel inspired by people who use something negative in their lives and turn into something positive. Initially I believed having Anxiety was a major negative in my life and only bad things would happen as a result of it. My doctor said to me instead of seeing it as something bad which has happened in my life, I should turn my liability into an asset. Writing this blog for example has turned something I thought of as a huge negative aspect of my life into something massively positive, not just for myself but for other people as well .

Spare some time to count your blessings and try to turn the things you believe are bad about yourself into something positive!

A Thought for Thursday #14...

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The Power of Now...

I am currently reading a book called The Power of Now written by Eckhart Tolle. Often when I am reading books or blogs etc, I find something which I have never thought about before and it allows me to see things in a slightly different way. Each time I can see anxiety from a different perspective and as a result use the knowledge I gain to move forward.  

Through reading this book I realised how much anxiety (for me in particular) is based around time. In fact I would probably say that all of my anxiety has stemmed from time and my thoughts about time. People with anxiety spend the majority of their time dwelling on the past and wondering about the future but never actually living in the now.

Eckhart Tolle has helped me to start and make more sense of the things I worry about by stating that no problems actually happen in the now. Problems are created psychologically via thoughts about something which has already happened or what could potentially happen in the future. I soon realised this is completely accurate for my anxiety. When something serious happens or an actual problem does occur I seem to handle it pretty well in comparison to when I am feeling really anxious for no reason in particular. This is because when something worth worrying about actually happens you don't have much time to think about it as it is going to happen regardless of how much you do worry about it.

Tolle discusses how the past and future are just illusions and there is no such thing as either of them. Everything happens in the now because when it did happen it was actually present day when it was taking place. (Hopefully that makes sense). I think this is a positive way to look at things for someone who suffers from anxiety, as I spend a lot of my time thinking about things which have already happened which I can't change anyway and wondering what is going to happen in the future overall this is an unrealistic way to live.

It then got me thinking that we live in a very time orientated society and everyone spends the majority of their life looking into the future. Everything we do is based on time and having a 'the grass is always greener' attitude to life. I noticed this min myself with waking up and the first thing I do is check Twitter and Instagram this is already reinforcing the fact that we don't live in present time and we consumed by what others are doing. I do love social networking sites in particular having a nosy on Instagram but it isn't useful checking it first thing in the morning. I am trying to make sure I don't go on it straight away and take a few minutes to live in the 'now' when I first wake up.

It is extremely difficult to live like this in contemporary society but even if you just spend a few minutes a day trying to live in the present it can be beneficial. Depending on your individual circumstances, you could just go for a walk and spend your time concentrating on your surroundings or on the other hand you could do some light meditation, I use Calm.com which I find really helpful in taking a few minutes away from my thoughts.

This is just a small snippet from the book which I wanted to share because I have found it beneficial for me. Hopefully it will be helpful and again I definitely recommend this book to everyone, with anxiety or not!

A Thought for Thursday #13...

Make an effort to do something kind for someone. 

Pay someone a compliment, I can guarantee it will make them feel a bit better than they might have done before. 

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Long Distance Relationships...

Fast approaching is the time when people leave school and start moving away to University. If you are currently in a relationship you may find yourself being asked the dreaded question of ‘so are you going to stay together?’

I remember very clearly being asked on a number of occasions so what are you going to do? In response to my boyfriend moving to the other end of the country. In all honesty I hadn’t really thought about us not staying together until people started questioning me. This made me start wondering whether it was the norm to just split up before you even started a long distance relationship and if it actually was the be all and end all.

I found that there is a hell of a lot of negativity surrounding long distance relationships with the majority of people putting a huge downer on the situation by saying ‘oh it won’t work out’. How can people actually have an opinion on your personal relationship and know whether it will work out or not. Relationships break down when your partner lives round the corner so I don’t think you should base your decision whether to stay with someone on the distance between you. Basically all I am trying to say is don’t listen to anyone else, make your own decisions and remember only you and your partner know how you really feel about the situation.

After being in a long distance relationship for nearly four years here are just a few things I’ve learnt and decided I would share them with you, especially for anyone who a LDR or maybe going to be in one sometime soon.  I am not saying these are golden rules for surviving a long distance relationship at the end of the day you have to make your own decisions and everyone’s relationship is different.  

Utilise the internet and social media. Long gone are the days of people sat waiting for a letter to arrive from their partner who lives miles away. Although, it is still hard when you don’t live near your boyfriend/girlfriend (unless you want to pretend you’re in The Notebook ) you definitely can’t complain that it hasn’t been made a tad easier to stay in touch with someone thanks to the range of modern technology. This is going to be your main source of communication for the time you spend about so use it! When you don’t see or speak to each other every single day the times when you do, you have much more to talk about and the conversation is better.  Sometimes it is easier to plan a time when you can ring or Skype and it is something you can look forward to at the end of the day.

Be honest with each other and talk about any problems you might have. Don’t keep your problems to yourself as it much more likely to end up in an argument which is 10 times more difficult when you aren’t face to face with that person.

Arrange to do things for the time when you are together again it is something for you to look forward to as well as this fact you are going be seeing each other. One of the good things however is that you don’t have to spend loads of money trying to do something fancy because you start to appreciate the little things like just getting a takeaway and watching film together because you don’t do it that often.

Assumingly if you are in a long distance relationship your partner is living in a different city /area of the country or perhaps even in different country all together, but you can see it as going on a mini holiday every time you visit them. Although my boyfriend did decide to move to the other end of the country, it is by the seaside and it is a really nice place to go and visit, plus the weather is usually nicer down there.

I know I harped on earlier about the amazingness of social media etc but there is also something kind of special about receiving a card or letter in the post when it’s from someone you haven’t seen for ages. So maybe you could surprise each other with little packages or letters which might not be as meaningful if you lived close by.

Anyway enough of the lovey dovey stuff, the main thing is you and your partner make any decisions about your relationship yourselves, because quite frankly it’s no one else’s business. 

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A Thought for Thursday #11...

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Things can only get better...

Day 5 of Mental Health Awareness Week. 

:) 

Don't worry, be Happy!

Day 3 of Mental Health Awareness Week

Today you should try not to worry.

Enjoy the sunshine! 

You are stronger than you think...

Day Number 2 of Mental Health Awareness week.

I'm definitely not saying it is easy, taking the first step is the hardest but also the greatest thing you can do. 

A Thought for Thursday #8...

No matter how rubbish you think your day has been... 

Silence is louder than words...

I am in another one of my ranty moods and this is a topic which I have pondered about for quite a while now.

In my opinion being quiet doesn’t always mean you are a shy person. People who are thought to be quiet always have to provide an explanation for being the way they are because being slightly introverted is regarded as negative. I don’t consider myself to be a particularly shy person but numerous people have labelled me as being quiet.

It is another one of those judgements where people assume that quiet people lack the ability to be socially adequate. Maybe these people appear to quiet because they don’t get an opportunity to get a word in edge ways when they are surrounded by ‘loud’ people. Basically you don’t need to be a person shy to be classed as an introvert it just means you are quite happy being in your own company which to me isn’t always a bad thing.

I get the impression that we are all lead to believe that those who are loud and who are always the centre of attention are doing the right thing.  People use the fact that an individual who is quiet as having a poor personality. For example I have genuinely heard people say that someone is a nice person apart the fact that they are a quiet but never about someone who is more outgoing.

Being loud is always viewed in a positive way, being loud means you are confident and sociable and this must mean you have lots of friends.Just because you are quiet and perhaps prefer to keep your thoughts to yourself this doesn't mean you are inadequate compared with other people. We are falsely led to believe that introverted people cannot possibly make a difference and influence ideas and change.

I wrote this post a few weeks ago but haven’t actually got round to finishing it or like usual thinking it wasn’t good enough to share. There is an article in this month’s Company magazines which fits in perfectly with this blog post. It discusses how the internet provides ‘quiet’ people with the platform to finally speak their mind which they may not have been able to do so before.

This is exactly how I feel and I am sure many other bloggers do also. It has given me the opportunity to talk openly about an issue is which very important and close to my heart which I perhaps wouldn’t of got the chance to do. Because I am ‘quiet’, without the internet I wouldn’t have been able to share my thoughts to thousands of other people and help people like I have done already.

Having the ability to express yourself through different ways allows you to accept being you instead of hiding away and doubting your own beliefs. Just like Company magazine says ‘quiet’/introverted people still have just as many amazing personality traits and skills as ‘loud’/extroverted people, so instead of taking a back seat behind those who don’t stop talking, why not get your voice heard but in your own individual way!

Things to do when your having a rubbish day!

Everyone has down days or 'wobble' days as I like to call them. This includes every single person whether they have been diagnosed with some kind of mental illness or not. If like me you are very self critical when you do have a 'wobble' day you will blame yourself and in turn make yourself feel 10 times worse about not feeling 100% OK.

But we have to remember its normal to have these kind of days, its just part of life and ladies in particular you will all understand what I mean when it comes to our monthly occurrences.
So I think it is important that instead of making yourself feel worse you should make an effort to do little things you enjoy and treat yourself.

I have made a list of a few things to do when you happen to have one of those kind of days.

1. Listen to your favourite songs/music, maybe even make a playlist with all those random songs (make it as cheesy as you want to).
2. Put on said playlist and dance like an idiot. (Preferably Now That's what I Call 90's)
3. Actually have a cry, let it all out. 
4. Read, a great book or magazine
5. Get in touch with someone you haven't spoken to for ages. (use wisely)
6. Be selfless, think about other people instead of your own situation, put things into perspective. 
7. Wear your favourite outfit. 
8. Have a duvet day.
9. Have a nap. 
10. Make your own list like this one.
11. Watch a film, again as cheesy as possible. 
12. Be organised, sort out your wardrobe, make sure your diary/Filofax is up to date. 
13. Set yourself goals, then reflect on them after a certain amount of time, see how well you are doing.
14. Wear your favourite bright lipstick, just because. 
15. Eat comfort food. 
16. Meet a friend for tea & cake = the best pick me up! (Rebecca Dilks, you know who you are!) 
17. Just drink tea in general. 
18. Have a bath
19. Catch up on your favourite TV programmes. 
20. Indulge in your guilty pleasures, = more cheesy films.
21. Look at old pictures. 
22. Go to the cinema and have pop corn. 
23. Get some fresh air, go for a run or a walk. (Weather permitting)
24. Have a pamper sessions, face mask, nails etc. (You too boys)
25. Have a take away. 
26. Do 100 happy days challenge. (Not everyday is always good, but there is something good in everyday)
27. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. 
28. Go on Pinterest!
29. Do some exercise. 
30. Have a make up free day. 
31. Wear your comfiest clothes. 
32. Have a rant. 
33. Do something childish. 
34. Eat Jelly. 
35. Have a hot choc, with cream, marsh mellows, all the works. 
36. Do something creative. 
37. Do someone a favour. 
38. Hug your pet. 
39. Make notes about your worries/problems, share them with someone else. 
40. Get a Pick 'n' Mix with all your fav sweets. 

So there are just a few random things, but I am sure the list can go on and on and is probably different for every one of us. What do you like to do when you are having a rubbish day? 

The Benefits of Yoga

Numerous people including my doctor recommended that I starting doing Yoga or Pilates as a technique to ease the symptoms of my anxiety. 

 In all honesty again I was quite skeptical about joining a class and just like the stereotype goes I thought it would be all old ladies in leotards who trump a lot. I struggled to find a local class which I would be able to go to until I saw a leaflet for a class starting near by at the beginning of the year. A combination of doing a bit of research and having not done much in terms of exercise for a couple of months I decided I wanted to try something new. Having never done anything like yoga before except attempting a couple of poses on the Wii fit I wasn't really sure what expect. 

So we joined the class in January and have been going every week for 12 weeks. I can honestly say I cannot believe how good Yoga is both physically and mentally. It has without a doubt helped me in a variety of different ways. We have learnt so much in the short time we have been going and they are all little things you can remember and do at home as well. 

Below are a few of the never ending list of benefits Yoga can have on your body, both physically and mentally;

• Although you don't get a sweat on and you don't particularly feel like you are doing anything physical at the time, you stretch every muscle in your body during each class and it definitely feels like you've had a workout the day after. It has definitely made my muscles stronger and improved my strength. The first time I went back to my circuit training class I was dreading how I was going to feel the day after. Surprisingly I didn't ache like I used to at all and during the class I noticed I could do more reps without my muscles feeling tired as quickly. Although Yoga isn’t a direct route to weight loss I have noticed that my stomach is gradually getting more toned. So a combination of circuit training and yoga is the perfect balance for me. 

• Doing also Yoga improves your sleeping. It is never something I have ever really struggled with but I would really recommend it if you are someone who struggles with insomnia. The night after doing a Yoga class I have the best nights sleep and sleep solidly all night without waking up once. 

• Not only does Yoga make you feel relaxed and calm during the class by doing the breathing exercises, relaxation techniques and just generally helping you to clear your mind, I have already noticed a difference in myself, overall I feel much calmer, the amount of 'wobble' days I have had has got less and the extent of my panic attacks has reduced . 

I am thinking of doing a series of blog posts sharing the different poses, stretches and techniques we have learnt at Yoga and I will go into more detail about specific areas. 

Picture from Pinterest

A Thought for Thursday #5...

I just like this poem :) 

Bring me Sunshine, in your smile... ♥

Happy 1st Wedding Anniverary to the Padgkinson's! ♥

The majority of photography is done by the uber talented Eve Hopkinson - http://evehopkinsonphotography.co.uk/

It was the most perfect day :) Here's just some of my fav snaps, there is millions too choose from!