Beauty is subjective...

So, I have recently been getting quite fed up with the world and the pressure to look a certain way.

I have started to notice that there are specific tick boxes that you need to be able to 'tick' to be classed as 'beautiful'.  

I am guilty of scrolling through social media and comparing myself to lots of different woman and body shapes that are supposedly what you SHOULD look like. 

I am 25 now and still find myself feeling down and immediately going to the mirror and thinking 'you definitely 100% need to lose some weight'. 

I am just glad that I am not ten years younger and as easily influenced. There is so much pressure on young girls today. They are constantly been told what beautiful is and that to be beautiful they must look a certain way. 

Now I have definitely put weight on since I was a teenager and gone up a couple of dress sizes even over the last couple of years. Recently I have been having a battle with myself and thinking I really need to get back down to the size I was before. 

I look at pictures and I am even comparing myself to myself. I look back at when I was my smallest and question whether thats I should look now. After all social media says so right? 

I might of actually been really slim back then and felt like I could wear anything I wanted. I was good enough to be classed as 'beautiful' by social media. But I know deep down at the time I wasn't happy at all. I had the worst anxiety I had ever had. I wasn't eating properly and that is the reason I was the size I was. I didn't even notice what size I was because my mind wasn't focused on by body, it was trapped by constant panic attacks and feeling so sick I couldn't eat. 

So if I really think about it when I am comparing myself to the 'old' version of me. Do I really want to be how I looked then? I might have a bit more junk in my trunk, but now I love food and don't feel like I am forcing myself to eat. My anxiety is manageable and doesn't control my life right now. 

I believe that your mental health is so important and if you are perfectly happy in your own skin then don't feel like you have to change to be classed as beautiful by the rest of society. I have read somewhere recently that happiness isn't a size and we spend so much time believing that it is. I am trying to embrace how I look now because I know I am so much happier. I am also reading Fearne Cotton's book 'Happy' at the moment and she talks a lot about there not being a clean cut definition of beautiful. She says that beauty is subjective, so one persons view on what an ideal body shape is, is totally different to another persons.  

Please remember, you are beautiful, no matter what shape you are. Stop comparing yourself to Instagram. 

We are all different...

So, as we all know, we are all different. But, I know myself that I am always comparing myself to others and how difficult it is not to. At times when I have felt horrendous with anxiety and again particularly most recently I feel guilty for even having anxiety. I get annoyed with myself because I hear about horrendous things people a have gone through on a daily basis through my job and think I have experienced nothing in comparison but why do I still suffer with an anxious mind.

We are trapped in a society where we are programmed to believe we should feel a certain way or react in a specific way in situations. But who on earth has the power to say to you how you will feel or how you will react when faced with something awful or even with something great? Now whoever made up that rule must not of realized that although we are all human we are all indivdual. So it's ok that you might feel something differently to someone else who has been in the same situation before. If something affects you just a little bit more than it does someone else then it really doesn't matter. There are no rules.

Anxiety or depression can be a way of your body and mind telling you that it's had enough. Now it doesn't matter if what's caused your anxiety or depression is or isn't worse than what someone else's, it just about your own personal tolerance. If you get easily stressed and need abit extra guidance and support than someone else then so be it. I am really fed up living in a judgmental society where even our ability to cope with tough situations is used as a comparison. It then leads to people being afraid to ask for help and just suffer in silence because they feel like that are aren't as strong as other people or can't handle things as well.
But we need to embrace the differences we all have, support others where we can and just accept that it's ok to need help!

Please don't give up...

It can be easy to believe you don't have the strength to keep on going, to feel like you don't have any energy left. But trust me you do, you wouldn't be where you are if you weren't a tough cookie.

When it feel so hard it's a sign that good things are about to happen. It can be hard to see all the things we are being brave about, but if I we were constantly aware of Everything then that would reinforce that we are scared of whatever it is.

I saw a quote last week that said that the desire to quit something is a sign that you are closer to succeeding. This quote gave me a much needed boost of belief in myself and my ability to deal with certain things.

So just when you're feeling like everything is getting a little too much... life doesn't throw things at you that you aren't strong enough to handle. You absolutely can do this!

Be yourself...

I am a strong believer in just being yourself and I have probably written something very similar before now.

I think we live in a society where there is constant pressure to be a certain way and everyday can feel like a competition with other people.

Obviously everyone has the need or want to change certain things about themselves and that's perfectly fine.

But I've discovered that specific things are specific to you as a person and are near impossible to change.

 It's absolutely draining trying to change a part of you that's just who you are.

 Surely if that's part of your personality or make up then you should embrace it and use it to the best of its ability, instead of trying to squash it down and feeling deflated and drained when no matter how much you try it just won't go away.

We wouldn't say to someone that they absolutely need to alter a physical part of themselves so why is it ok to drag someone down because they are too nice, too quiet or even too funny?

And as cheesy as this sounds, in the words of Jessie J, 'Just be true to who you are'

Long time no write...

So, I don't really have anything in particular that I want to write about. I have just recently realised how much I miss writing.

Life is so busy, we often forget to do the things we actually love to do. I always think there is no point in writing if I nothing really interesting to say, or just for the sake of it. But I logged onto my blog page and I people are still reading my blog when I haven't even posted for months.

Someone also asked if I was still blogging because I hadn't posted anything for ages and they assumed I was feeling better because of this. I do feel better than I did when I first started writing this blog, but anxiety and worry is something I still deal with on a daily basis. But I suddenly realised it was seemed a little bit selfish of me to have only been writing during the time I was feeling my worst when every day is a struggle for some people. Plus you don't even have to have any specific reason to need a pick me up or a touch of motivation.

To see that people are still reading and using my blog as a way of helping themselves made me feel so happy. I guess I'm just trying to say I am still here, I still appreciate and feel overwhelmed that people even read my ramblings. And to remind everyone as well as myself, to never stop doing something you love because life gets in the way. Do what makes you happy :)

Be Kind to yourself...

Surprise Surprise I have been spending some time over thinking for a change. 

Being a person who wants to help other people I think it is very easy to forget about yourself sometimes. 

Since I have felt so much better anxiety wise,  I try and do a lot more than I would of dreamed of doing even just this time last year. 

When a day comes along where I think I dont feel 100% I get a huge feeling of guilt and tell myself I shouldn't be feeling like that, especially when I am supposed to be helping other people on a daily basis. I feel like I should be OK all the time and will let people down if I am not. 

I think again it comes down to comparing to other people and that you aren't a strong person if admit that you are struggling from time to time. 

I even feel I shouldn't write things on here anymore because it shows that I am not fine all of the time. Which in reality without me starting this blog and admitting how I was really feeling, I wouldn't be at the place I am today anyway. 

At the end of the day we are all human and it is perfectly fine to admit to having a wobble. When we have one of those days when we aren't really feeling ourselves, it is just a kind reminder that we do actually need to be a little selfish sometimes. 

You can't be there for other people if you aren't there for yourself. 

You time...

We live in a society where we have to be busy and maybe this is a way most people distract themselves from any bigger things going on in their lives. I know myself going from doing pretty much nothing on a daily basis just after finishing University to now the opposite within less than a year, whenever I have the time to do nothing I immediately feel guilty for just sitting there and try and find myself something worthwhile to do.

I think it is important to find the right balance between keeping busy and still making sure you embrace those days where you really have nothing to do.

It seems like people assume that the busier you are the more successful you are and giving yourself a rest can be misunderstood as laziness. I suppose its difficult to truly rest when we live in a society where nothing ever really stops. Even when you decide to treat yourself and have some time to relax, we are still obsessing over social networking sites and immediately feel guilty for sitting there in your dressing gown.

I think that even though being busy is linked with being in control it is still so important to allow yourself time to relax and rest. We should all be able to have moments where we are selfish and prioritise hobbies or just the little things that make us happy. Life shouldn't just be filled with things we have to do but also things we want to do! Make a 'To do' list with all the things you want to do (no matter how big or small)  instead of all those chores or deadlines.

I love days when I think of something to write about on my blog, and have the time to just sit down and let the typing take over. Recently I have also been doing some Yoga every week by myself using 'Yoga with Adriene' on YouTube it is really good to just take as little as 20 mins a day to have some you time! Go on, Treat yourself :)

  

Understand...

It's another one of those times where thoughts are swimming around my mind and there's no better place to say them out loud than my blog.

I have recently got the Timehop app, (I know behind with the times or what?) But I noticed the other day it's 3 years since I started feeling a little iffy with what I know now to be Anxiety.

I have been thinking and wondering what was different back then and why I am where I am now. Although it has been numerous different things collectively, one thing has stood out more recently.

That thing is just 'understanding'. Understanding anxiety, knowing what it is and it in context to me and my experiences. I now know where it came from in the first place and what triggers it still.

I don't feel better because it's just disappeared and I'm completely 'cured'. It is just because I know exactly what it is and why it can make you feel like it does. Let's be honest 3 years is quite a while to feel like you finally have control of something which controlled you for all that time. I have control now because I have the knowledge.

Having anxiety alone and all its lovely feelings and symptoms it brings with it can be pretty terrifying so add a bit of poor understanding and it popping up at the most random and inconvenient moments and no wonder this thing can consume you and control you like you are a puppet.

I got to the point previously where I thought my anxiety was me and I was making decisions and doing things based on that. Now I know so much about it all, it is something which is part of me but I can manage it so much better.

Just think, how much time and energy would be saved if people just understood about mental health and why it may need some TLC from time to time.

It has also helped me that I have been able to explain what it is and why it happens to my family.  My Mum has said herself that due to her having more understanding she has been able to empathise with other people and pass on information to them too.

As humans we are often scared of the unknown so why make something which can be so disconcerting even more so just because we've made it ok not to know what it is.

Let's get talking and sharing information about mental health and hopefully one day it won't be such a taboo anymore!

Happy New Year...

To be honest, I have felt a bit weird about writing on my blog for the past couple of months. I think in some ways it's because I am in a different place in comparison to when I began writing my blog both mentally and quite literally. Before I used it as a place to vent my feelings at the time when they weren't at their best.

 Therefore once I felt a bit better and felt like I didn't need to write about those things anymore I started having a negative association with my blog and sort of pushed it to one side. 

However, recently I have realised how much I do miss writing and people have even mentioned that it has been a while since they saw a new post. It made me think that although I started this blog at a time when I was struggling the positive outcomes outway the negatives massively. 

Not only have I have used it to help myself which really has worked wonders, the response from other people has been overwhelming. My passion is to help others and thats what I have done, I really couldn't be happier. 

Writing this blog has made think, feel and see things differently, I now even see myself differently. I have started to believe in myself more and finally accept me for being just me, which I think that everyone in the world should have the opportunity to believe.

I feel even more strongly about the importance of understanding that everyone is different and accepting individuality! 

I also discovered how good things can actually develop from the bad things and it so important to keep going and never give up. Realise that things do happen for a reason and there is a reason that things might take time to work out how you were hoping or first expected. 

I am not writing this to tell you all that everything is amazing in my life and there aren't times when I do still struggle, but isn't that just part of being human?

 I will continue to do my best at helping others through my blog etc. I promise that having just a tiny bit of belief in yourself, can be the start of something better.

I went to the cinema to see the film about Stephen Hawking's life , 'The Theory of Everything ' a couple of days ago.
The film was incredible by the way and you should definitely go and see it!! 
There was a quote in it from the man himself which pretty much sums up how I feel right now. 

 'We are all different, there is no such thing as a standard or run-of-the-mill human being, but we share the same human spirit. What is important is that we have the ability to create. This creativity can take many forms, from physical achievement to theoretical physics. However difficult life may seem there is always something you can do, and succeed at' (Stephen Hawking,2012) 

For the first time in ages I feel excited about the fresh new year we have ahead of us. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to forget about the times I have struggled in the past and use them to move forward and help others!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Hey it's OK #2...

To like dogs more than you like some humans.

To cry. Let it all out :)

To not jump on the bandwagon.

To admit you need help with something. Everybody does!

To actually think you look nice in your new outfit.

Tuesday Pep Talk... #2

We are always told to treat other people how we want to be treated ourselves but yet we are often our own worst enemies.

It is all well and good being kind to other people (& please don't stop doing that) but what about being kind to ourselves?

Whenever you have a tough day with whatever it may be, you should make an effort to be kind to yourself instead of punishing yourself.

At the end of the day instead of feeling angry or annoyed about something that has happened or how you have been feeling you should do something you enjoy and/or treat yourself!

Have a bath, read, watch a film, do yoga, drink a hot drink, watch crap TV, have that takeaway you can't stop thinking about! Do whatever makes you happy! :)

Tuesday Pep Talk...

I am sure many of you can agree that we are all in need of a pep talk once in a while. I know myself suffering with anxiety I feel better once I have spoken about how I am feeling or what I am worrying about with someone else, whether it's just to put my mind at rest or to give more a more rational answer to a problem.

Being in a reflective mood I have been thinking about how things have changed since starting with bad anxiety and how they are now. The answer is, that lots of things have changed massively and that is a combination of things such as, getting older, leaving Uni, moving house etc.

I still feel annoyed and sometimes disappointed  with myself when I have one of those random anxious days, which luckily I can recognise much more easily and do something about it sooner. I have to remind myself that its fine to have those kind of days and we wouldn't be human without them. Its completely normal to have some anxiety when there are big changes happening in your life.

Think about those days when you have felt completely overwhelmed with anxiety and worry but it still didn't stop you from doing what you wanted to do, they are the reason you are where you are now. Anxiety does not define you it is just a part of you, it doesn't mean that you don't have aspirations and passions. You are still you, you still have your own personality and you are just as able as everyone else to enjoy your life!

I find pushing yourself to do something which you thought you would never be able to do helps so much. Doing something (no matter how small) which you previously thought would cause you to freak out and realising that you can do it just fine can fill you with confidence and make you so happy! Even if you do have a little wobble whilst you are doing it coming out the other side and realising you can do it, and it wasn't so bad after all is so worthwhile.

Remember you are not the only person feeling like this, whatever situation you are in I am sure there are multiple people who feel just the same as you do, you aren't alone.

Don't give up...

Dear Readers...

Don't be annoyed at yourself when things don't quite go to plan, remember you tried and be proud of yourself for doing just that.

Bad things will and do happen, and things do get better I promise. It is completely OK to accept the fact that you are feeling anxious, sad or down about something, be open about what that is and give whatever it is the time it needs.

When you feel like giving up, don't, you are stronger than you think.

Give yourself more credit, concentrate on how far you have come already.

(tumblr)

Rant...

So, I am a strong believer in being yourself and absolutely despise peer pressure. I don't know if this is just because I was born a 60 year old or I have just been there, done that and in some cases unfortunately worn in the t-shirt.

It has always kind of got to me how there are certain expectations to be a particular way in my generation and if you don't fit into this category you are immediately an outcast.

Who came up with the rules on how you should be/look/act at different times of your life? Apparently individuality is respected but then how come you are made to feel inadequate just because you aren't a clone of everybody else.

I don't understand why you should feel unhappy because you don't feel comfortable in certain situations or doing certain things. You wouldn't tell someone to do something to purposely make them feel unhappy so why is there so much pressure on people.

Be yourself, do what makes you happy, if people don't like you for being yourself then they aren't worth knowing! :)

...and breathe!

Understanding Anxiety - Unhelpful Thinking Styles...

Like I mentioned in my previous post Anxiety has been said to be a product of unhelpful thinking styles, which in most cases people see them as being unchangeable. Note, these ways of thinking are not labeled as 'Bad' but unhelpful, these thinking patterns are usually exaggerated due to the individual suffering from them not having the belief or strength that they can actually change them.

These thinking styles are unhelpful because of the impact that have on your thoughts and feelings about certain  things and how you respond as a result. Even if the root cause of your anxiety is not down to this, having unhelpful thoughts will intensify your anxious feelings and alter the way you act or behave.

Negative
Anxiety revolves around dwelling on what has happened in the past and worrying about what could happen in the future. Thinking in this way encourages negativity because we tend to only focus on the difficulties and bad times we experience. Having negative thoughts only increases anxiety but you have the ability to change how you think about a situation. Overall having anxiety isn't a very nice experience but try not to make it even worse by thinking negatively about it. It is common for anxiety sufferers to use one negative experience of something as a warning that something negative will happen every time you are going to do the same thing again.

Paranoid
Someone who usually worries a lot is likely to take things which other people say or do to heart or personally and will be quick to make assumptions about what people think of them.

Catastrophic
Catastrophising is the irrational thought that everything is much worse than it actually is. This is extremely common with someone who suffers from anxiety. Like I have mentioned many times a huge part of anxiety is spent predicting what might go wrong in the future and it is likely that whatever you have in mind will be the worst case scenario.

Black and white thinking
This kind of thinking is believing that something is all or nothing. This can lead to people with anxiety to put a large amount of pressure of themselves to be/do something in a certain way. As a result people usually become extremely self critical when little things go wrong or they don't quite feel right.

Like I said our thoughts can have a massive impact on feelings of anxiety, stress or just our moods in general.
Many of these thoughts take place without any control so therefore it is important to recognise them as just being 'thoughts' and the majority of the time are not based on facts.
Once you can identify the various unhelpful thought patterns which you can have you can begin to challenge them when they occur. The more you have the same unhelpful thoughts the more you start to understand why you are having them. If you can categorize your thoughts within the different thought patterns it becomes easier to manage them. If you get into the practice of writing down when you have one of those unhelpful thoughts seeing it written down also helps to put things into perspective. Seeing it written down on paper also allows you to create a contradictory thought which will help to prove how unrealistic your thoughts actually are.

Recognising when you are having the unhelpful thoughts and confronting them will have an impact on how you are feeling.

Goals or No Goals...

When I first started writing my blog I decided it was a good idea to give myself a set of monthly goals. I soon began to realise this actually wasn't all that good for someone like me. The kind of goals I am talking about are the ones you give yourself on top of things where you are likely to already have set goals like Work, School and University for example.

If I have something to do, I have to do it and get frustrated if it doesn't get completed like I wanted it to. I started using the goals to dictate what I was doing for the month and felt really disappointed when I happened to miss a circuit training class or didn't manage to drink enough water one particular day. I just gave myself added 'pressure' for no reason at all and instead of it being beneficial it resulted in me feeling annoyed at myself for not being able to do this little things which I had created myself.

I realised that all the goals were just little things which I actually enjoyed doing or should really be doing anyway (drinking plenty of water). Making something you enjoy doing into a specific goal for you to reach just makes you not want to do it because your telling yourself that you have to. Reading is something which I love to do, I love to get into a really good book and use it as a way of relaxing but by putting it on a list of monthly goals I just got fed up with myself for not managing to finish a book because 'life' got in the way.

We can't predict what will happen from one week to the next and therefore why give yourself added pressure of personally making 'goals' which may or may not be achieved. I decided to look at it differently and suggest other people who struggle with setting yourself certain goals to try and do this also. Instead of making a list of things you have to do be aware of the things which you hope or want to do and if you manage to do them then you will feel pleased with yourself for choosing to do it without feeling forced into it.

I've noticed in a number of different things that as humans we don't really like being told that we should be doing something and feel much better when we have made the decision ourselves. Even if you want to make a list of things which you hope to achieve in a specific space of time don't call them goals, don't set them as a task just let them happen when they happen. If you manage to fit in three days a week of exercise then great, if you don't then who cares!

A Thought for Thursday #17...

Hey It's OK...

Inspired by Glamour Magazine & cos we all need a little reassurance from time to time.

To not do any exercise all week but still have that piece of cake

To not even feel slightly guilty about the above.

To wear the same pair of trousers three times in one week just because you can't be bothered to choose another outfit.

To go to bed before 10'o'clock.

To tell people you love to read but haven't picked up a proper book in months.

To actually want to smile and say Hello to strangers.

To have days when you are actually OK.

To equally have days where you aren't, we are human after all.

To have good intentions in the morning and tell yourself you will productive, just after you've watched another episode of Friends.

To actually enjoy eating salad and choose to eat it.

Count your blessings...

Recently I have been trying to make an effort every time I am worrying about something to actually ask myself 'What is it I am actually worrying about?'. Confronting the worry straight away and turning it around on itself, I have noticed that the majority of things I do worry about are unimportant and insignificant in comparison to what others have gone through or are currently going through. An amazing quote which I always remind myself about is 'Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain'. I have been asking myself is there really any need to dwell on these things which aren't actually happening at the time.

We can all be guilty of only seeing the bad things in ourselves and our lives but recently I have become more aware of how important it is to be grateful for what we have. I have being taking time to appreciate what I have and not worry about things which could go wrong or things which I dislike about myself. There are always people who are happy with less than you have in many different ways so why is it so difficult to be grateful for what you do have. If you really do think about it there are so many things to be thankful for and therefore we should all take time to count our blessings instead of our troubles. If you take the time to actually count your assets you will find that there are a lot more positives than negatives. Not only is this a positive way to live in general you do actually feel better in yourself for being more aware of the little things we take for granted.

We live in a society where we are led to believe that we should always be striving for something better and that using your skills and the 'positive' aspects of your live are the only way you are going to become successful. I always feel inspired by people who use something negative in their lives and turn into something positive. Initially I believed having Anxiety was a major negative in my life and only bad things would happen as a result of it. My doctor said to me instead of seeing it as something bad which has happened in my life, I should turn my liability into an asset. Writing this blog for example has turned something I thought of as a huge negative aspect of my life into something massively positive, not just for myself but for other people as well .

Spare some time to count your blessings and try to turn the things you believe are bad about yourself into something positive!

A thought for Thursday #15...

My Sociology teacher used to have this quote on the wall in his classroom when I was at school and since then it has always been one of my favorites. I am strong believer in equal opportunities, everyone should express themselves through what they are good at, everyone is good at different things and that should always be viewed in a positive way. 

How boring would life be if everyone was the same, doing the same things.