We are all different...

So, as we all know, we are all different. But, I know myself that I am always comparing myself to others and how difficult it is not to. At times when I have felt horrendous with anxiety and again particularly most recently I feel guilty for even having anxiety. I get annoyed with myself because I hear about horrendous things people a have gone through on a daily basis through my job and think I have experienced nothing in comparison but why do I still suffer with an anxious mind.

We are trapped in a society where we are programmed to believe we should feel a certain way or react in a specific way in situations. But who on earth has the power to say to you how you will feel or how you will react when faced with something awful or even with something great? Now whoever made up that rule must not of realized that although we are all human we are all indivdual. So it's ok that you might feel something differently to someone else who has been in the same situation before. If something affects you just a little bit more than it does someone else then it really doesn't matter. There are no rules.

Anxiety or depression can be a way of your body and mind telling you that it's had enough. Now it doesn't matter if what's caused your anxiety or depression is or isn't worse than what someone else's, it just about your own personal tolerance. If you get easily stressed and need abit extra guidance and support than someone else then so be it. I am really fed up living in a judgmental society where even our ability to cope with tough situations is used as a comparison. It then leads to people being afraid to ask for help and just suffer in silence because they feel like that are aren't as strong as other people or can't handle things as well.
But we need to embrace the differences we all have, support others where we can and just accept that it's ok to need help!

Be yourself...

I am a strong believer in just being yourself and I have probably written something very similar before now.

I think we live in a society where there is constant pressure to be a certain way and everyday can feel like a competition with other people.

Obviously everyone has the need or want to change certain things about themselves and that's perfectly fine.

But I've discovered that specific things are specific to you as a person and are near impossible to change.

 It's absolutely draining trying to change a part of you that's just who you are.

 Surely if that's part of your personality or make up then you should embrace it and use it to the best of its ability, instead of trying to squash it down and feeling deflated and drained when no matter how much you try it just won't go away.

We wouldn't say to someone that they absolutely need to alter a physical part of themselves so why is it ok to drag someone down because they are too nice, too quiet or even too funny?

And as cheesy as this sounds, in the words of Jessie J, 'Just be true to who you are'

You time...

We live in a society where we have to be busy and maybe this is a way most people distract themselves from any bigger things going on in their lives. I know myself going from doing pretty much nothing on a daily basis just after finishing University to now the opposite within less than a year, whenever I have the time to do nothing I immediately feel guilty for just sitting there and try and find myself something worthwhile to do.

I think it is important to find the right balance between keeping busy and still making sure you embrace those days where you really have nothing to do.

It seems like people assume that the busier you are the more successful you are and giving yourself a rest can be misunderstood as laziness. I suppose its difficult to truly rest when we live in a society where nothing ever really stops. Even when you decide to treat yourself and have some time to relax, we are still obsessing over social networking sites and immediately feel guilty for sitting there in your dressing gown.

I think that even though being busy is linked with being in control it is still so important to allow yourself time to relax and rest. We should all be able to have moments where we are selfish and prioritise hobbies or just the little things that make us happy. Life shouldn't just be filled with things we have to do but also things we want to do! Make a 'To do' list with all the things you want to do (no matter how big or small)  instead of all those chores or deadlines.

I love days when I think of something to write about on my blog, and have the time to just sit down and let the typing take over. Recently I have also been doing some Yoga every week by myself using 'Yoga with Adriene' on YouTube it is really good to just take as little as 20 mins a day to have some you time! Go on, Treat yourself :)

  

Understand...

It's another one of those times where thoughts are swimming around my mind and there's no better place to say them out loud than my blog.

I have recently got the Timehop app, (I know behind with the times or what?) But I noticed the other day it's 3 years since I started feeling a little iffy with what I know now to be Anxiety.

I have been thinking and wondering what was different back then and why I am where I am now. Although it has been numerous different things collectively, one thing has stood out more recently.

That thing is just 'understanding'. Understanding anxiety, knowing what it is and it in context to me and my experiences. I now know where it came from in the first place and what triggers it still.

I don't feel better because it's just disappeared and I'm completely 'cured'. It is just because I know exactly what it is and why it can make you feel like it does. Let's be honest 3 years is quite a while to feel like you finally have control of something which controlled you for all that time. I have control now because I have the knowledge.

Having anxiety alone and all its lovely feelings and symptoms it brings with it can be pretty terrifying so add a bit of poor understanding and it popping up at the most random and inconvenient moments and no wonder this thing can consume you and control you like you are a puppet.

I got to the point previously where I thought my anxiety was me and I was making decisions and doing things based on that. Now I know so much about it all, it is something which is part of me but I can manage it so much better.

Just think, how much time and energy would be saved if people just understood about mental health and why it may need some TLC from time to time.

It has also helped me that I have been able to explain what it is and why it happens to my family.  My Mum has said herself that due to her having more understanding she has been able to empathise with other people and pass on information to them too.

As humans we are often scared of the unknown so why make something which can be so disconcerting even more so just because we've made it ok not to know what it is.

Let's get talking and sharing information about mental health and hopefully one day it won't be such a taboo anymore!

Hey it's OK #2...

To like dogs more than you like some humans.

To cry. Let it all out :)

To not jump on the bandwagon.

To admit you need help with something. Everybody does!

To actually think you look nice in your new outfit.

Tuesday Pep Talk... #2

We are always told to treat other people how we want to be treated ourselves but yet we are often our own worst enemies.

It is all well and good being kind to other people (& please don't stop doing that) but what about being kind to ourselves?

Whenever you have a tough day with whatever it may be, you should make an effort to be kind to yourself instead of punishing yourself.

At the end of the day instead of feeling angry or annoyed about something that has happened or how you have been feeling you should do something you enjoy and/or treat yourself!

Have a bath, read, watch a film, do yoga, drink a hot drink, watch crap TV, have that takeaway you can't stop thinking about! Do whatever makes you happy! :)

Tuesday Pep Talk...

I am sure many of you can agree that we are all in need of a pep talk once in a while. I know myself suffering with anxiety I feel better once I have spoken about how I am feeling or what I am worrying about with someone else, whether it's just to put my mind at rest or to give more a more rational answer to a problem.

Being in a reflective mood I have been thinking about how things have changed since starting with bad anxiety and how they are now. The answer is, that lots of things have changed massively and that is a combination of things such as, getting older, leaving Uni, moving house etc.

I still feel annoyed and sometimes disappointed  with myself when I have one of those random anxious days, which luckily I can recognise much more easily and do something about it sooner. I have to remind myself that its fine to have those kind of days and we wouldn't be human without them. Its completely normal to have some anxiety when there are big changes happening in your life.

Think about those days when you have felt completely overwhelmed with anxiety and worry but it still didn't stop you from doing what you wanted to do, they are the reason you are where you are now. Anxiety does not define you it is just a part of you, it doesn't mean that you don't have aspirations and passions. You are still you, you still have your own personality and you are just as able as everyone else to enjoy your life!

I find pushing yourself to do something which you thought you would never be able to do helps so much. Doing something (no matter how small) which you previously thought would cause you to freak out and realising that you can do it just fine can fill you with confidence and make you so happy! Even if you do have a little wobble whilst you are doing it coming out the other side and realising you can do it, and it wasn't so bad after all is so worthwhile.

Remember you are not the only person feeling like this, whatever situation you are in I am sure there are multiple people who feel just the same as you do, you aren't alone.

Rant...

So, I am a strong believer in being yourself and absolutely despise peer pressure. I don't know if this is just because I was born a 60 year old or I have just been there, done that and in some cases unfortunately worn in the t-shirt.

It has always kind of got to me how there are certain expectations to be a particular way in my generation and if you don't fit into this category you are immediately an outcast.

Who came up with the rules on how you should be/look/act at different times of your life? Apparently individuality is respected but then how come you are made to feel inadequate just because you aren't a clone of everybody else.

I don't understand why you should feel unhappy because you don't feel comfortable in certain situations or doing certain things. You wouldn't tell someone to do something to purposely make them feel unhappy so why is there so much pressure on people.

Be yourself, do what makes you happy, if people don't like you for being yourself then they aren't worth knowing! :)

...and breathe!

Understanding Anxiety - Unhelpful Thinking Styles...

Like I mentioned in my previous post Anxiety has been said to be a product of unhelpful thinking styles, which in most cases people see them as being unchangeable. Note, these ways of thinking are not labeled as 'Bad' but unhelpful, these thinking patterns are usually exaggerated due to the individual suffering from them not having the belief or strength that they can actually change them.

These thinking styles are unhelpful because of the impact that have on your thoughts and feelings about certain  things and how you respond as a result. Even if the root cause of your anxiety is not down to this, having unhelpful thoughts will intensify your anxious feelings and alter the way you act or behave.

Negative
Anxiety revolves around dwelling on what has happened in the past and worrying about what could happen in the future. Thinking in this way encourages negativity because we tend to only focus on the difficulties and bad times we experience. Having negative thoughts only increases anxiety but you have the ability to change how you think about a situation. Overall having anxiety isn't a very nice experience but try not to make it even worse by thinking negatively about it. It is common for anxiety sufferers to use one negative experience of something as a warning that something negative will happen every time you are going to do the same thing again.

Paranoid
Someone who usually worries a lot is likely to take things which other people say or do to heart or personally and will be quick to make assumptions about what people think of them.

Catastrophic
Catastrophising is the irrational thought that everything is much worse than it actually is. This is extremely common with someone who suffers from anxiety. Like I have mentioned many times a huge part of anxiety is spent predicting what might go wrong in the future and it is likely that whatever you have in mind will be the worst case scenario.

Black and white thinking
This kind of thinking is believing that something is all or nothing. This can lead to people with anxiety to put a large amount of pressure of themselves to be/do something in a certain way. As a result people usually become extremely self critical when little things go wrong or they don't quite feel right.

Like I said our thoughts can have a massive impact on feelings of anxiety, stress or just our moods in general.
Many of these thoughts take place without any control so therefore it is important to recognise them as just being 'thoughts' and the majority of the time are not based on facts.
Once you can identify the various unhelpful thought patterns which you can have you can begin to challenge them when they occur. The more you have the same unhelpful thoughts the more you start to understand why you are having them. If you can categorize your thoughts within the different thought patterns it becomes easier to manage them. If you get into the practice of writing down when you have one of those unhelpful thoughts seeing it written down also helps to put things into perspective. Seeing it written down on paper also allows you to create a contradictory thought which will help to prove how unrealistic your thoughts actually are.

Recognising when you are having the unhelpful thoughts and confronting them will have an impact on how you are feeling.

Understanding Anxiety - Physical Symptoms...

It is definitely true that the more set backs you have with anxiety or any mental illness, sooner rather than later you become able to recognise when the feelings are happening. Understanding what those feelings are is a massive step in the right direction. I am in no way claiming that what I am saying is 100% accurate and the same for everyone who has anxiety or I am trying to say everyone who suffers from these symptoms they definitely have anxiety. I am just using my experience and knowledge I have gained myself to try and help other people understand. If you think you are suffering from Anxiety or any other kind of mental illness I would still recommend that you speak to someone else and arrange to see a Dr or other professional.

Although Anxiety is under the mental illness umbrella a lot of the symptoms are physical and more importantly everyone and anyone has the capability of feeling anxious at any time in their life. Anxiety is largely developed from unhelpful thinking styles and as a result worry may become disproportionate to the actual situations. There can be many reasons that people suffer with anxiety but in some cases such as mine my anxiety is 'free floating' and naturally in my body so therefore it can be triggered more easily than other peoples and doesn't necessarily have to be due to a stressful situation, in fact I find that serious situations and things which are 'normal' to worry about I am actually fine with . Everyone's body has the ability to react to extreme situations and the flight or fight adrenaline response kicks in which is actually very useful. Initially for someone suffering from anxiety these feelings can be very daunting because when they take place they are usually aren't in a frightening situation. Being able to recognise and understand the symptoms which can occur during periods of high anxiety allows you to realise that, that is what it is and not something abnormal. This has helped me tremendously and the more times I have felt them I have managed to notice them sooner and calm myself down. It has taken me two years to get to the point where I am able to understand my anxiety and not completely freak out every time I have the same feelings, this is disappointing in contemporary society and I really want to help people realise that what they are feeling is completely normal.  I read somewhere that a helpful way to view anxiety is that it is a defense mechanism and is in no way trying to purposely harm your body.

Physical symptoms of anxiety

Racing heart or palpitations
This is one very common symptom of anxiety and equally scary if you don't know why you suddenly feel like your heart is racing. Your heart beats faster because your body realises adrenaline and therefore blood is pumped around the body quicker to prepare your body in the fight or flight response this makes perfect sense when you read it like this but when it happens from the tiniest trigger it feels much worse.

Body Temperature
Your body temperature usually rapidly changes when you are feeling anxious. Initially you will feel very hot and probably start sweating as a way of cooling down (very glamorous I know) Once you reach the peak of the anxiety attack you may start to feel shivery and shaky this is a result of your muscles contracting because you will naturally tense up during this time and also your body will start to cool down after a short while.

Fuzzy head/headaches
As a result of all the adrenaline pumping around the body and your heart beating faster, it is likely that you will feel faint or dizzy. This again is a perfectly normally response to feeling anxious.

Tummy trouble
During a period of feeling anxious your body is concentrating on your heart and getting the blood to the right places as a result your digestive system temporary shuts down. This can lead to feelings of butterflies, sickness, churning, poor appetite and going to the toilet frequently. Having these kind of symptoms aren't very nice but once you understand the reasons why you are suffering from them it makes it just that little bit easier to deal with. You may also notice that tummy problems stay around even after you aren't feeling particularly anxious.

Tiredness
My doctor said to me that every time you have an episode of anxiety or a panic attack your body produces enough adrenaline to be able to run a marathon, no wonder you feel tired afterwards. Being tired can therefore have an impact on your thought patterns and a result become more negative which will have a knock on effect on your anxiety.

Rapid breathing
As the blood in your body is been directed to all the vital organs this may increase your breathing. Over a period of time in your body being used to taking short sharp breaths it may lead to hyperventilation. This again is pretty scary at the time and more than likely will make you freak out even more. Once you begin to understand the reason behind you feeling this way the easier it is to manage and eventually calm down. I went through a bad spell with thinking I couldn't breathe and as a result thinking it was something to do with my heart at the time I was at my fittest and could comfortably run just over 6 miles, this made me realise that if it was something more serious wrong with me I definitely wouldn't have been able to do that.

Derealisation
I have had this symptom numerous times during when I have felt anxious or had a panic attack and it can be quite difficult to explain to people who have never experienced it. Basically, derealisation is the feeling as though what you are experiencing is a dream and it doesn't feel real. Having anxiety you are constantly aware of how you and your body feels and therefore, sometimes you aren't really paying attention to your surroundings and whats going on around you, this can make you feel like you aren't yourself at times.

I want to do a couple more posts surrounding Anxiety and helping people understand it a little bit better, so next time I will cover the unhelpful thought patterns which can be created as a result of having Anxiety. Remember anyone can experience Anxiety whether you are actually suffering for a short or long period of time.

Hey It's OK...

Inspired by Glamour Magazine & cos we all need a little reassurance from time to time.

To not do any exercise all week but still have that piece of cake

To not even feel slightly guilty about the above.

To wear the same pair of trousers three times in one week just because you can't be bothered to choose another outfit.

To go to bed before 10'o'clock.

To tell people you love to read but haven't picked up a proper book in months.

To actually want to smile and say Hello to strangers.

To have days when you are actually OK.

To equally have days where you aren't, we are human after all.

To have good intentions in the morning and tell yourself you will productive, just after you've watched another episode of Friends.

To actually enjoy eating salad and choose to eat it.

Count your blessings...

Recently I have been trying to make an effort every time I am worrying about something to actually ask myself 'What is it I am actually worrying about?'. Confronting the worry straight away and turning it around on itself, I have noticed that the majority of things I do worry about are unimportant and insignificant in comparison to what others have gone through or are currently going through. An amazing quote which I always remind myself about is 'Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain'. I have been asking myself is there really any need to dwell on these things which aren't actually happening at the time.

We can all be guilty of only seeing the bad things in ourselves and our lives but recently I have become more aware of how important it is to be grateful for what we have. I have being taking time to appreciate what I have and not worry about things which could go wrong or things which I dislike about myself. There are always people who are happy with less than you have in many different ways so why is it so difficult to be grateful for what you do have. If you really do think about it there are so many things to be thankful for and therefore we should all take time to count our blessings instead of our troubles. If you take the time to actually count your assets you will find that there are a lot more positives than negatives. Not only is this a positive way to live in general you do actually feel better in yourself for being more aware of the little things we take for granted.

We live in a society where we are led to believe that we should always be striving for something better and that using your skills and the 'positive' aspects of your live are the only way you are going to become successful. I always feel inspired by people who use something negative in their lives and turn into something positive. Initially I believed having Anxiety was a major negative in my life and only bad things would happen as a result of it. My doctor said to me instead of seeing it as something bad which has happened in my life, I should turn my liability into an asset. Writing this blog for example has turned something I thought of as a huge negative aspect of my life into something massively positive, not just for myself but for other people as well .

Spare some time to count your blessings and try to turn the things you believe are bad about yourself into something positive!

A thought for Thursday #15...

My Sociology teacher used to have this quote on the wall in his classroom when I was at school and since then it has always been one of my favorites. I am strong believer in equal opportunities, everyone should express themselves through what they are good at, everyone is good at different things and that should always be viewed in a positive way. 

How boring would life be if everyone was the same, doing the same things. 

The Power of Now...

I am currently reading a book called The Power of Now written by Eckhart Tolle. Often when I am reading books or blogs etc, I find something which I have never thought about before and it allows me to see things in a slightly different way. Each time I can see anxiety from a different perspective and as a result use the knowledge I gain to move forward.  

Through reading this book I realised how much anxiety (for me in particular) is based around time. In fact I would probably say that all of my anxiety has stemmed from time and my thoughts about time. People with anxiety spend the majority of their time dwelling on the past and wondering about the future but never actually living in the now.

Eckhart Tolle has helped me to start and make more sense of the things I worry about by stating that no problems actually happen in the now. Problems are created psychologically via thoughts about something which has already happened or what could potentially happen in the future. I soon realised this is completely accurate for my anxiety. When something serious happens or an actual problem does occur I seem to handle it pretty well in comparison to when I am feeling really anxious for no reason in particular. This is because when something worth worrying about actually happens you don't have much time to think about it as it is going to happen regardless of how much you do worry about it.

Tolle discusses how the past and future are just illusions and there is no such thing as either of them. Everything happens in the now because when it did happen it was actually present day when it was taking place. (Hopefully that makes sense). I think this is a positive way to look at things for someone who suffers from anxiety, as I spend a lot of my time thinking about things which have already happened which I can't change anyway and wondering what is going to happen in the future overall this is an unrealistic way to live.

It then got me thinking that we live in a very time orientated society and everyone spends the majority of their life looking into the future. Everything we do is based on time and having a 'the grass is always greener' attitude to life. I noticed this min myself with waking up and the first thing I do is check Twitter and Instagram this is already reinforcing the fact that we don't live in present time and we consumed by what others are doing. I do love social networking sites in particular having a nosy on Instagram but it isn't useful checking it first thing in the morning. I am trying to make sure I don't go on it straight away and take a few minutes to live in the 'now' when I first wake up.

It is extremely difficult to live like this in contemporary society but even if you just spend a few minutes a day trying to live in the present it can be beneficial. Depending on your individual circumstances, you could just go for a walk and spend your time concentrating on your surroundings or on the other hand you could do some light meditation, I use Calm.com which I find really helpful in taking a few minutes away from my thoughts.

This is just a small snippet from the book which I wanted to share because I have found it beneficial for me. Hopefully it will be helpful and again I definitely recommend this book to everyone, with anxiety or not!

Long Distance Relationships...

Fast approaching is the time when people leave school and start moving away to University. If you are currently in a relationship you may find yourself being asked the dreaded question of ‘so are you going to stay together?’

I remember very clearly being asked on a number of occasions so what are you going to do? In response to my boyfriend moving to the other end of the country. In all honesty I hadn’t really thought about us not staying together until people started questioning me. This made me start wondering whether it was the norm to just split up before you even started a long distance relationship and if it actually was the be all and end all.

I found that there is a hell of a lot of negativity surrounding long distance relationships with the majority of people putting a huge downer on the situation by saying ‘oh it won’t work out’. How can people actually have an opinion on your personal relationship and know whether it will work out or not. Relationships break down when your partner lives round the corner so I don’t think you should base your decision whether to stay with someone on the distance between you. Basically all I am trying to say is don’t listen to anyone else, make your own decisions and remember only you and your partner know how you really feel about the situation.

After being in a long distance relationship for nearly four years here are just a few things I’ve learnt and decided I would share them with you, especially for anyone who a LDR or maybe going to be in one sometime soon.  I am not saying these are golden rules for surviving a long distance relationship at the end of the day you have to make your own decisions and everyone’s relationship is different.  

Utilise the internet and social media. Long gone are the days of people sat waiting for a letter to arrive from their partner who lives miles away. Although, it is still hard when you don’t live near your boyfriend/girlfriend (unless you want to pretend you’re in The Notebook ) you definitely can’t complain that it hasn’t been made a tad easier to stay in touch with someone thanks to the range of modern technology. This is going to be your main source of communication for the time you spend about so use it! When you don’t see or speak to each other every single day the times when you do, you have much more to talk about and the conversation is better.  Sometimes it is easier to plan a time when you can ring or Skype and it is something you can look forward to at the end of the day.

Be honest with each other and talk about any problems you might have. Don’t keep your problems to yourself as it much more likely to end up in an argument which is 10 times more difficult when you aren’t face to face with that person.

Arrange to do things for the time when you are together again it is something for you to look forward to as well as this fact you are going be seeing each other. One of the good things however is that you don’t have to spend loads of money trying to do something fancy because you start to appreciate the little things like just getting a takeaway and watching film together because you don’t do it that often.

Assumingly if you are in a long distance relationship your partner is living in a different city /area of the country or perhaps even in different country all together, but you can see it as going on a mini holiday every time you visit them. Although my boyfriend did decide to move to the other end of the country, it is by the seaside and it is a really nice place to go and visit, plus the weather is usually nicer down there.

I know I harped on earlier about the amazingness of social media etc but there is also something kind of special about receiving a card or letter in the post when it’s from someone you haven’t seen for ages. So maybe you could surprise each other with little packages or letters which might not be as meaningful if you lived close by.

Anyway enough of the lovey dovey stuff, the main thing is you and your partner make any decisions about your relationship yourselves, because quite frankly it’s no one else’s business. 

 Tumblr

A Thought for Thursday #12...

Concentrate on yourself for once, think of the amazing things you've done or are doing now. 

Don't compare yourself to others. 

Don't worry, be Happy!

Day 3 of Mental Health Awareness Week

Today you should try not to worry.

Enjoy the sunshine! 

You are stronger than you think...

Day Number 2 of Mental Health Awareness week.

I'm definitely not saying it is easy, taking the first step is the hardest but also the greatest thing you can do. 

Are you Anxiety Aware?

So, this week is the start of Mental Health Awareness week and the theme this year being Anxiety I obviously couldn't ignore it. I have had quite a tough time recently with my own Anxiety, following numerous chats and pep talks with my wonderful family and friends, I have woken up this morning and feel a bit better!

Not only do I want to help myself but I want to help other people who are struggling or who have struggled in the past. So, in return of people being kind, supportive and staying positive for me, I am going to share a quote, saying or picture everyday this week in aid of Mental Health Awareness week. 

Here is my first quote, I hope it helps! 

Pinterest

A Thought for Thursday #8...

No matter how rubbish you think your day has been...