Self-confidence...

Apologies if this is something I have spoken about before, and I am pretty sure I have.
A massive part of my anxiety stems from self-confidence (or should I say, lack of it) and recently I have noticed it is for so many people.

It is so sad that we can always pick out the bad things about ourselves but as soon as someone asks what our good qualities are its almost impossible to think of any.

A lot of the time when I am making any decisions about doing something, my doubts are not usually focused on the decision its self but my ability to do it. Am I good enough is always a question that is floating around my head.

When someone I know is having a wobble with their self-confidence I can always think of a million and one reasons why they are amazing and shouldn't be thinking like that. But if you flip it round that is exactly what you feel like when it's to do with yourself.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where you are classed as arrogant or stuck up if you say anything remotely positive about yourself, so 'apparently' its much easier to rip into yourself and make yourself feel horrendous.

If you think about half the things you say to yourself and all the negative stuff you think about yourself, you wouldn't dream of saying it to a friend or family member so why is it OK to do it to yourself?

I think its about time everyone got a bit of self belief and a pinch of the 'f**k it' attitude.

Now I know this is cliche, but life is far too short, so whats the crime in actually believing in a yourself! Go on I dare you to pay yourself a compliment, even if its just the one.

Being quite the pessimist, when people said 'Think positive thoughts' or 'Be around positive people' tbh I always thought it was a load of crap and thought it would never make a difference. I can't tell you how much I stressed about the 100 happy days phase because I thought what if nothing good happens in that day, what a complete negative nancy!!

Over the past couple of years and most recently over the past couple of months I have become close with people who have totally changed my mindset on this. Another aspect of my negativity and lack of self confidence means I really struggle with ever believing a compliment. But being surrounded by genuine positive people I am slowly learning that maybe people do mean what they say when saying something nice.

It has been completely refreshing to be around people who support you and see all your good points rather than picking on the negative. I don't mean you have to be over the top and fake about what you say, but the tiniest compliment can work wonders on an otherwise negative mind!

Let's admit, we do live in a pretty shitty world. Lots of negative things happening on a daily basis, so why do we make it worse by dragging each other down at the same time. Being around people who totally believe in you and truly believe that you deserve the best, is a massive boost in motivation and confidence. There is something to say about feeling appreciated in giving you the tiny bit of selfworth you struggle to find in yourself.

Pay someone a little compliment, tell someone how amazing they are! You won't believe how worthwhile and meaningful it is for some people. This quote is just perfect for what I am trying to say, 'The best kind of friendships are fierce friendships, believe in each other, defend each other, and think the other deserves the world'. Let's have each other's backs instead of bitching behind them.

Things I wish I knew...

Things I wish I knew about having anxiety four years ago...
And for anyone struggling with anything right now.  

• You are not alone, there are 100s of 1000s of people going through exactly what you're going through, always remember that and take comfort in that fact.
• No matter how many times you explain yourself to someone not everyone will ,'get it'. That's ok though and you have to accept that. 
• You're going to have to quickly realise as the above, not everyone will be nice about it, 'it's all in your head so that makes it not true remember'.  (Rolls eyes)  But you have to eff the haters and all that. 
• Something that you think is the absolute worst possible thing to ever happen to you, can actually bring along with it amazingness too, I have made life long friends just from all being anxious messes. 
• There are that many symptoms you can possibly feel, it can be difficult to keep track. But on a positive note, anxiety does not kill you! Otherwise I'd be long gone speaking from PLENTY of experience!! 
•  It is not something you can fight off by eating oranges like a cold. In fact its much worse if you do try and fight it. Acceptance is key. 
• Then once you have accepted it, let it be. What will be will be.
• Always always listen to your body when it's giving you the warning signs that you need to chill the hell out and look after yourself. It's ok to need to fix your mind from time to time. 
• There is no such thing as 'normal' so stop trying to search for whatever it is or whatever it feels like.  
• Also you are pretty kick ass for dealing with this on a daily basis and not giving up! 

Be patient...

One thing I really recommend when struggling with things, is to have patience. The strange thing is, I would class myself as a pretty patient person in most aspects of my life apart from with myself.

I beat myself up no end if I think things aren't happening as quick or like I expected. But it's really important that you give yourself time. Having the added pressure or timescale to when you will feel better or will have achieved something can make you feel worse. Especially like me, when you put a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself for no reason.

Let's be realistic, nothing happens over night but see it as a work in progress. Everything happens when you least expect it and I am starting to think that might be true.

You will get there, little steps at time. After everything you've already gone through, you are still here waiting, so doesn't that tell you something?

Please don't give up...

It can be easy to believe you don't have the strength to keep on going, to feel like you don't have any energy left. But trust me you do, you wouldn't be where you are if you weren't a tough cookie.

When it feel so hard it's a sign that good things are about to happen. It can be hard to see all the things we are being brave about, but if I we were constantly aware of Everything then that would reinforce that we are scared of whatever it is.

I saw a quote last week that said that the desire to quit something is a sign that you are closer to succeeding. This quote gave me a much needed boost of belief in myself and my ability to deal with certain things.

So just when you're feeling like everything is getting a little too much... life doesn't throw things at you that you aren't strong enough to handle. You absolutely can do this!

Be yourself...

I am a strong believer in just being yourself and I have probably written something very similar before now.

I think we live in a society where there is constant pressure to be a certain way and everyday can feel like a competition with other people.

Obviously everyone has the need or want to change certain things about themselves and that's perfectly fine.

But I've discovered that specific things are specific to you as a person and are near impossible to change.

 It's absolutely draining trying to change a part of you that's just who you are.

 Surely if that's part of your personality or make up then you should embrace it and use it to the best of its ability, instead of trying to squash it down and feeling deflated and drained when no matter how much you try it just won't go away.

We wouldn't say to someone that they absolutely need to alter a physical part of themselves so why is it ok to drag someone down because they are too nice, too quiet or even too funny?

And as cheesy as this sounds, in the words of Jessie J, 'Just be true to who you are'

Free floating Anxiety...

When trying to explain to someone what a anxiety is it can be quite difficult because everyone feels anxious at some point through their life.

One good thing is, yeah, it is possible for every single human  being to feel anxious so what you're feeling isn't something abnormal. However with free floating Anxiety and other anxiety disorders the feeling is pretty much there most of the time.

There is usually no specific cause and you will normally worry about everything and anything. This is why its the worst when people say 'just try not to worry' because it's literally impossible.

There are so many different types of anxiety and diferent ways it can manifest which I don't think many people realise. I know so many people who suffer from it but it's always a tiny bit different in each person.

On top of all the thoughts people with anxiety have they will also be having loads of physical symptoms at the same time. This usually causes even more anxiety because you don't know whats going on. After my most recent Drs trip, he said that people have never really connected the brain and physical symptoms, but they are so closely linked. Even being a bit run down physically can play havoc on anxiety.

Anxiety will normally vary in intensity throughtout a persons life and get better or worse at different times.

I just take comfort in knowing I'm not alone and so many people go through this on a daily basis. And also that these feelings are normal, it wouldn't even be possible to feel them if it wasnt. It annoys me that having extreme levels of anxiety is always seen as a weakness but everyone feels it just in different amounts.