Please don't give up...

It can be easy to believe you don't have the strength to keep on going, to feel like you don't have any energy left. But trust me you do, you wouldn't be where you are if you weren't a tough cookie.

When it feel so hard it's a sign that good things are about to happen. It can be hard to see all the things we are being brave about, but if I we were constantly aware of Everything then that would reinforce that we are scared of whatever it is.

I saw a quote last week that said that the desire to quit something is a sign that you are closer to succeeding. This quote gave me a much needed boost of belief in myself and my ability to deal with certain things.

So just when you're feeling like everything is getting a little too much... life doesn't throw things at you that you aren't strong enough to handle. You absolutely can do this!

Be Kind to yourself...

Surprise Surprise I have been spending some time over thinking for a change. 

Being a person who wants to help other people I think it is very easy to forget about yourself sometimes. 

Since I have felt so much better anxiety wise,  I try and do a lot more than I would of dreamed of doing even just this time last year. 

When a day comes along where I think I dont feel 100% I get a huge feeling of guilt and tell myself I shouldn't be feeling like that, especially when I am supposed to be helping other people on a daily basis. I feel like I should be OK all the time and will let people down if I am not. 

I think again it comes down to comparing to other people and that you aren't a strong person if admit that you are struggling from time to time. 

I even feel I shouldn't write things on here anymore because it shows that I am not fine all of the time. Which in reality without me starting this blog and admitting how I was really feeling, I wouldn't be at the place I am today anyway. 

At the end of the day we are all human and it is perfectly fine to admit to having a wobble. When we have one of those days when we aren't really feeling ourselves, it is just a kind reminder that we do actually need to be a little selfish sometimes. 

You can't be there for other people if you aren't there for yourself. 

Hey it's OK #2...

To like dogs more than you like some humans.

To cry. Let it all out :)

To not jump on the bandwagon.

To admit you need help with something. Everybody does!

To actually think you look nice in your new outfit.

Rant...

So, I am a strong believer in being yourself and absolutely despise peer pressure. I don't know if this is just because I was born a 60 year old or I have just been there, done that and in some cases unfortunately worn in the t-shirt.

It has always kind of got to me how there are certain expectations to be a particular way in my generation and if you don't fit into this category you are immediately an outcast.

Who came up with the rules on how you should be/look/act at different times of your life? Apparently individuality is respected but then how come you are made to feel inadequate just because you aren't a clone of everybody else.

I don't understand why you should feel unhappy because you don't feel comfortable in certain situations or doing certain things. You wouldn't tell someone to do something to purposely make them feel unhappy so why is there so much pressure on people.

Be yourself, do what makes you happy, if people don't like you for being yourself then they aren't worth knowing! :)

...and breathe!

A Thought for Thursday #14...

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The Power of Now...

I am currently reading a book called The Power of Now written by Eckhart Tolle. Often when I am reading books or blogs etc, I find something which I have never thought about before and it allows me to see things in a slightly different way. Each time I can see anxiety from a different perspective and as a result use the knowledge I gain to move forward.  

Through reading this book I realised how much anxiety (for me in particular) is based around time. In fact I would probably say that all of my anxiety has stemmed from time and my thoughts about time. People with anxiety spend the majority of their time dwelling on the past and wondering about the future but never actually living in the now.

Eckhart Tolle has helped me to start and make more sense of the things I worry about by stating that no problems actually happen in the now. Problems are created psychologically via thoughts about something which has already happened or what could potentially happen in the future. I soon realised this is completely accurate for my anxiety. When something serious happens or an actual problem does occur I seem to handle it pretty well in comparison to when I am feeling really anxious for no reason in particular. This is because when something worth worrying about actually happens you don't have much time to think about it as it is going to happen regardless of how much you do worry about it.

Tolle discusses how the past and future are just illusions and there is no such thing as either of them. Everything happens in the now because when it did happen it was actually present day when it was taking place. (Hopefully that makes sense). I think this is a positive way to look at things for someone who suffers from anxiety, as I spend a lot of my time thinking about things which have already happened which I can't change anyway and wondering what is going to happen in the future overall this is an unrealistic way to live.

It then got me thinking that we live in a very time orientated society and everyone spends the majority of their life looking into the future. Everything we do is based on time and having a 'the grass is always greener' attitude to life. I noticed this min myself with waking up and the first thing I do is check Twitter and Instagram this is already reinforcing the fact that we don't live in present time and we consumed by what others are doing. I do love social networking sites in particular having a nosy on Instagram but it isn't useful checking it first thing in the morning. I am trying to make sure I don't go on it straight away and take a few minutes to live in the 'now' when I first wake up.

It is extremely difficult to live like this in contemporary society but even if you just spend a few minutes a day trying to live in the present it can be beneficial. Depending on your individual circumstances, you could just go for a walk and spend your time concentrating on your surroundings or on the other hand you could do some light meditation, I use Calm.com which I find really helpful in taking a few minutes away from my thoughts.

This is just a small snippet from the book which I wanted to share because I have found it beneficial for me. Hopefully it will be helpful and again I definitely recommend this book to everyone, with anxiety or not!

A Thought for Thursday #11...

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How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie...

In my opinion there aren’t that many resources regarding anxiety which I have found genuinely useful. In fact I can probably count on one hand the amount of books and websites etc which I have thought were genuinely helpful and made a difference to how I have felt.

To say we are currently living in the 21^st century with the power of the internet, the help and support readily available for personal everyday use is disproportionate the amount of people who are statistically suffering from mental illness. Disappointingly, I have found that the majority of books which I have been recommended are quite dated to say that mental health has been and still is an ongoing problem for many people.

However, a friend recommended a book to me back in April which is written by Dale Carnegie called ‘How to stop worrying and start living’. It was published in 1984 but I have found it to be one of the most accurate and relatable books for someone who worries a lot.

The majority of the ‘recovery’ process with mental illness is based around self –help methods and it is very beneficial to find someone or something you can relate to and use every day to help yourself feel better.

Although Dale Carnegie's book was written quite a while ago I feel like the different rules and methods he gives you to try and overcome severe worrying can be equally used today as much as back then. So I am going to write about some of the steps which he discusses and relate them to myself and how they can be perhaps used in contemporary society.

I will probably split them into different posts as there is quite a lot of useful advice given. The book is separated into different sections to help you manage your worrying in a more positive way. It helps you to accept that you may need help but shows you that it is possible to feel better by adopting different thought patterns to your everyday life.

Dale Carnegie stresses how important it is for you to have the upmost desire to want to change yourself in order for this book to be successful. Although other people can give you as much support, guidance and advice that you need at the end of the day you have to want to help yourself. I found that fully accepting the issue you are suffering from is vital in moving forward.   

The first section of the book which I will discuss in this blog post will demonstrate how understanding worry by analysing what you are actually worrying about can prevent it from taking control of your whole life.

Live in day tight compartments

Firstly Carnegie writes about how living in day tight compartments can be extremely helpful for those who suffer from severe worrying. Obviously this is easier said than done for many people and understandably everyone has different circumstances and lifestyles. For someone who worries to the extent I do, it is easy to get into the bad habit of living your life based on what has already happened and what could potentially happen in the future. For me my anxiety is largely centred by the question ‘what if?’ the majority of the time and it isn’t a very healthy way to live your life. Because anxiety and other mental illnesses are not tangible you can begin to spend your life wondering when you feel like it again and hoping that you never will.  I have used this method many times before and will continue to do so as it is very helpful in allowing you to take small steps in feeling better instead of wondering how you are going to feel a few days or few weeks down the line. I have being making a conscious effort to not predict or assume how I will feel when I wake up in the morning and just try and take the day as it comes.

What is the worst that could happen?

I think this is a great question to ask yourself when you suffer with worrying/anxiety. Constant worrying can make it extremely difficult to put things into perspective and consequently lead you to have all kinds of irrational thoughts. The power of your brain and your own anxious thoughts can really convince you that everything you worry about is actually true. By asking yourself what is the worst that could happen? And then accepting the worst mentally it makes it easier for you to start allowing yourself to forget about the illogical thoughts and put your problem into perspective.  Again this is something I have been trying to say to myself whenever I start to feel a bit anxious and so far it has actually helped me see the bigger picture in comparison to what I am worrying about.

Get the facts

This can seem like such a simple thing to do for people who have a consistently rational mind. I thought I would include this one of Carnegie’s rules within my blog post as it is very similar to a method I was taught during the therapy sessions. Firstly ask yourself; what is the use in worrying about something which you can’t prove is 100% truthful? I have said previously how useful it is to actually write down and make note of your worries, it makes it so much easier to change your perspective. I was given some worksheets which teach you to write down what you are worrying about, the facts which provide evidence that your thoughts are 100% accurate, any methods /techniques you used to solve the problem and finally how you felt once you had analysed your problem in this way. Using this method on a regular basis helps you to deal with your problem in a more logical way instead of it taking over your brain.

Keep busy!

Over-thinking is a massive aspect of anxiety and worrying. Constantly going over and over the problem in your head is one of the main causes for making my anxiety worse. It is important to keep busy to keep your mind occupied on something other than what you are worrying about. For me I get paranoid about having long periods of time with nothing to do because I feel like it gives me more chance to think and more time to feel anxious. You should use any spare time you do have in a productive way instead of immediately seeing it as a negative.  Put your energy and time into something you enjoy and that makes you feel happy. Go for a walk or a run (which is even better when the weather is as nice as it has been), read a book, catch up  with friends, write your own blog, even if you don’t share it publically it allows you to channel your thoughts into something positive instead of clogging up your head with negativity.  

Don’t sweat the small stuff!

I know from experience that when something does happen in my life which is actually worth worrying about, I am actually more in control of my worrying than when I am constantly worrying about lots of little everyday things. Carnegie discusses how we all manage to survive the big things in life but allow ourselves to get upset about all the little things. For this I will just leave you with a quote in Dale Carnegie’s book which we could all do with listening to, ‘Let’s not let ourselves get upset by small things which we should forget. Remember ‘Life is too short to be little’.

Living by the law of averages and co-operating with the inevitable.

Here are two points discussed in Carnegie’s book which I think work well together. In my experience of having anxiety the majority, (if not all) of the things which I worry about never actually happen in reality. Reading this chapter made me realise that I can’t go through life worrying and wondering about things which in the grand scheme of things are not likely to happen anyway. Using this approach over the past few days has made it slightly easier for me to just get on with things instead of thinking about what might happen.

Alongside this, it is important to be aware that things do and will happen which are beyond your control. Some things are going to happen whether you try and stop them or not. Anxiety is quite a lot about trying to be in control of situations at all times and having constant fear that you are not in control. Once you realise that there are some things which are completely out of your control it does help you to see things differently.  There is a prayer at the end of this particular chapter which I have turned into a quote for myself and the purpose of this blog which I think is perfect for someone suffering from anxiety to keep reminding themselves of every day.

‘Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference’.

Is it worth this amount of worrying?

Finally take a moment to think about whether whatever you are worrying about at this moment in time is actually worth the amount of worrying you are allowing it to have. Again this is another great approach to take to help you put things to perspective. It is perfectly normal to have worries and everyone will worry about something at some point in their lives.

A good thing to do is get the thing you are worrying about, apply all these different methods, perhaps say to yourself I will allow myself to have x amount of time to think about this problem and then once that time is up you will forget about it for the rest of the day. This provides you with the opportunity to give the thought as much time as its worth and hopefully as a result the smaller problems will require the smallest amount of time. 

I strongly recommend that if you do suffer from worrying or anxiety etc to buy this book! I got it from Amazon for 99p! 

Things can only get better...

Day 5 of Mental Health Awareness Week. 

:) 

Don't worry, be Happy!

Day 3 of Mental Health Awareness Week

Today you should try not to worry.

Enjoy the sunshine! 

Are you Anxiety Aware?

So, this week is the start of Mental Health Awareness week and the theme this year being Anxiety I obviously couldn't ignore it. I have had quite a tough time recently with my own Anxiety, following numerous chats and pep talks with my wonderful family and friends, I have woken up this morning and feel a bit better!

Not only do I want to help myself but I want to help other people who are struggling or who have struggled in the past. So, in return of people being kind, supportive and staying positive for me, I am going to share a quote, saying or picture everyday this week in aid of Mental Health Awareness week. 

Here is my first quote, I hope it helps! 

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A Thought for Thursday #8...

No matter how rubbish you think your day has been... 

Silence is louder than words...

I am in another one of my ranty moods and this is a topic which I have pondered about for quite a while now.

In my opinion being quiet doesn’t always mean you are a shy person. People who are thought to be quiet always have to provide an explanation for being the way they are because being slightly introverted is regarded as negative. I don’t consider myself to be a particularly shy person but numerous people have labelled me as being quiet.

It is another one of those judgements where people assume that quiet people lack the ability to be socially adequate. Maybe these people appear to quiet because they don’t get an opportunity to get a word in edge ways when they are surrounded by ‘loud’ people. Basically you don’t need to be a person shy to be classed as an introvert it just means you are quite happy being in your own company which to me isn’t always a bad thing.

I get the impression that we are all lead to believe that those who are loud and who are always the centre of attention are doing the right thing.  People use the fact that an individual who is quiet as having a poor personality. For example I have genuinely heard people say that someone is a nice person apart the fact that they are a quiet but never about someone who is more outgoing.

Being loud is always viewed in a positive way, being loud means you are confident and sociable and this must mean you have lots of friends.Just because you are quiet and perhaps prefer to keep your thoughts to yourself this doesn't mean you are inadequate compared with other people. We are falsely led to believe that introverted people cannot possibly make a difference and influence ideas and change.

I wrote this post a few weeks ago but haven’t actually got round to finishing it or like usual thinking it wasn’t good enough to share. There is an article in this month’s Company magazines which fits in perfectly with this blog post. It discusses how the internet provides ‘quiet’ people with the platform to finally speak their mind which they may not have been able to do so before.

This is exactly how I feel and I am sure many other bloggers do also. It has given me the opportunity to talk openly about an issue is which very important and close to my heart which I perhaps wouldn’t of got the chance to do. Because I am ‘quiet’, without the internet I wouldn’t have been able to share my thoughts to thousands of other people and help people like I have done already.

Having the ability to express yourself through different ways allows you to accept being you instead of hiding away and doubting your own beliefs. Just like Company magazine says ‘quiet’/introverted people still have just as many amazing personality traits and skills as ‘loud’/extroverted people, so instead of taking a back seat behind those who don’t stop talking, why not get your voice heard but in your own individual way!

A Thought for Thursday #6

I think you should start to accept the little things which make you, you!

 If its not the same as everyone else who cares, Its OK to be different! :) 

The Benefits of Yoga

Numerous people including my doctor recommended that I starting doing Yoga or Pilates as a technique to ease the symptoms of my anxiety. 

 In all honesty again I was quite skeptical about joining a class and just like the stereotype goes I thought it would be all old ladies in leotards who trump a lot. I struggled to find a local class which I would be able to go to until I saw a leaflet for a class starting near by at the beginning of the year. A combination of doing a bit of research and having not done much in terms of exercise for a couple of months I decided I wanted to try something new. Having never done anything like yoga before except attempting a couple of poses on the Wii fit I wasn't really sure what expect. 

So we joined the class in January and have been going every week for 12 weeks. I can honestly say I cannot believe how good Yoga is both physically and mentally. It has without a doubt helped me in a variety of different ways. We have learnt so much in the short time we have been going and they are all little things you can remember and do at home as well. 

Below are a few of the never ending list of benefits Yoga can have on your body, both physically and mentally;

• Although you don't get a sweat on and you don't particularly feel like you are doing anything physical at the time, you stretch every muscle in your body during each class and it definitely feels like you've had a workout the day after. It has definitely made my muscles stronger and improved my strength. The first time I went back to my circuit training class I was dreading how I was going to feel the day after. Surprisingly I didn't ache like I used to at all and during the class I noticed I could do more reps without my muscles feeling tired as quickly. Although Yoga isn’t a direct route to weight loss I have noticed that my stomach is gradually getting more toned. So a combination of circuit training and yoga is the perfect balance for me. 

• Doing also Yoga improves your sleeping. It is never something I have ever really struggled with but I would really recommend it if you are someone who struggles with insomnia. The night after doing a Yoga class I have the best nights sleep and sleep solidly all night without waking up once. 

• Not only does Yoga make you feel relaxed and calm during the class by doing the breathing exercises, relaxation techniques and just generally helping you to clear your mind, I have already noticed a difference in myself, overall I feel much calmer, the amount of 'wobble' days I have had has got less and the extent of my panic attacks has reduced . 

I am thinking of doing a series of blog posts sharing the different poses, stretches and techniques we have learnt at Yoga and I will go into more detail about specific areas. 

Picture from Pinterest

A Thought for Thursday #4...

Recently I have started to believe that I have met certain people for a reason. :)

Monthly Goals - March

Get fit 

I really want to get fit and healthy again. I am hoping to run a 10KM race in June and would love to be able to complete it in under and an hour. I have started back at circuit training again, I have actually missed the sweating and the aching, I feel so much better for doing it. 

Drink more water

This will be a continuous goal for me as I don't drink nowhere near enough water. I am really crappy with drinking anything except tea and always wait until I am thirsty which is very very bad. 

Stay Positive 

Being a natural born worrier this can sometimes be a struggle for me. I have got better at thinking more positively recently. I need to keep it up and not let my pessimistic mind take over. I am going to take time to not 'sweat the small stuff' and when I notice myself feeling anxious or worried take a step back and try and take a look at the bigger picture. After going to see my therapist lady, she got me into the habit of writing down or making notes every time something made me panic or feel anxious, this helps me see that the things I am worrying about probably aren't as big a deal as they seem in my mind, when I see them in black and white.

Eat Breakfast

Again, this is another thing I am really bad at. I rarely actually have a proper breakfast ever. I often don't feel hungry when I first wake up and can sometimes even skip it all together, or only drink a cup of tea. My boyfriend eats breakfast everyday and after spending a few days with him and him making sure I ate something made me realise how much better you feel if start the day with something. Even at first if you don't really feel like you could eat anything. It gives you more energy, you don't get the sickly gripey feeling which encourages you to grab something quick and sugary and it keeps you feeling full till at least 12 o'clockish. 

Keep up with this blog

I have read other people's blogs for quite a while now and always wanted to write one myself. But I thought I wasn't creative or cool enough to do it. I am so happy and grateful for the response I have had so far. The range of different people who have sent me messages or shared my blog posts have been amazing. I am so glad to be helping people and making a difference however small it may be. 

Accept myself for being me

This is something we can all be guilty of and people often don't see the amazing things in themselves which other people do. I am going to try and start accepting myself with my flaws and all. I have always been my own worst enemy and give myself a hard time when something goes wrong. I am particularly bad when I have wobble with my anxiety, and see myself as a failure. Accepting that anxiety is a part of me has been a big chunk of moving forward for me. Everyone has bad days and deals with them in different ways. From now on I am going to try and accept my wobbles and I know that have and can feel better again.

My sis pointed this picture out to me the other day from my Auntie and Uncles wedding last year. (Nearly a whole year ago actually)  It reminds me of how perfect the day was and how excited we all were to be bridesmaids. I feel lucky to be so close to my cousins and sister, we have had times when we haven't seen as much of each other but nothing ever changes when we do. Not many people make me laugh like these three do.