Beauty is subjective...

So, I have recently been getting quite fed up with the world and the pressure to look a certain way.

I have started to notice that there are specific tick boxes that you need to be able to 'tick' to be classed as 'beautiful'.  

I am guilty of scrolling through social media and comparing myself to lots of different woman and body shapes that are supposedly what you SHOULD look like. 

I am 25 now and still find myself feeling down and immediately going to the mirror and thinking 'you definitely 100% need to lose some weight'. 

I am just glad that I am not ten years younger and as easily influenced. There is so much pressure on young girls today. They are constantly been told what beautiful is and that to be beautiful they must look a certain way. 

Now I have definitely put weight on since I was a teenager and gone up a couple of dress sizes even over the last couple of years. Recently I have been having a battle with myself and thinking I really need to get back down to the size I was before. 

I look at pictures and I am even comparing myself to myself. I look back at when I was my smallest and question whether thats I should look now. After all social media says so right? 

I might of actually been really slim back then and felt like I could wear anything I wanted. I was good enough to be classed as 'beautiful' by social media. But I know deep down at the time I wasn't happy at all. I had the worst anxiety I had ever had. I wasn't eating properly and that is the reason I was the size I was. I didn't even notice what size I was because my mind wasn't focused on by body, it was trapped by constant panic attacks and feeling so sick I couldn't eat. 

So if I really think about it when I am comparing myself to the 'old' version of me. Do I really want to be how I looked then? I might have a bit more junk in my trunk, but now I love food and don't feel like I am forcing myself to eat. My anxiety is manageable and doesn't control my life right now. 

I believe that your mental health is so important and if you are perfectly happy in your own skin then don't feel like you have to change to be classed as beautiful by the rest of society. I have read somewhere recently that happiness isn't a size and we spend so much time believing that it is. I am trying to embrace how I look now because I know I am so much happier. I am also reading Fearne Cotton's book 'Happy' at the moment and she talks a lot about there not being a clean cut definition of beautiful. She says that beauty is subjective, so one persons view on what an ideal body shape is, is totally different to another persons.  

Please remember, you are beautiful, no matter what shape you are. Stop comparing yourself to Instagram. 

New year, new you?

Does anyone else feel a little bit anxious and overwhelmed by the start of a new year? It might sound completely ridiculous but the thought of having a whole year that you supposedly should have planned out makes me feel a bit blergh! 

We are surrounded by every social media account telling us that we must start a fad diet and a crazy new fitness regime. I feel like there is a significant amount of pressure especially recently to be a certain way. I just think why would we make January even more depressing that it already is by putting so much pressure on yourself to eat well and exercise only to be consumed by a massive feeling of guilt when you accidentally slip up cos you fancied that last Quality street left in the tin. 

This doesn't mean that I am totally against excercise and I admire all the people with amazing determination and I am probs a tiny bit jealous of the people who have a body like Jessica Ennis. 

But I just wanted to say to the other peeps who like me are beating themselves up because they haven't started the new year with a work out DVD and are still munching the Christmas sweets and chocolate that it is OK too, and you are definitely not the only one. There is no set time to do something and if tomorrow you fancy doing a Body coach YouTube video then do it tomorrow, there is no reason why we should be under so much pressure. 

I also don't massively believe in New Years resolutions, for the exact same reason that I feel a stupid amount of guilt when I haven't met them. Why give yourself crazy resolutions and then hate on yourself because you don't quite achieve them?

Why not start by setting yourself some smaller goals and build yourself up to the big things. You don't have to become a totally different person just because the numbers of the year have changed. 

I decided that this year the only resolution type thing I would set myself is to be nicer to myself and spend more time focusing on things that make me happy rather than what other people think. 

So I think it's completely OK that you don't have your shit together yet, you haven't started working out and don't have massive life changing goals that you want to achieve by the end of the year. Be a little bit more selfish and take your time. 

We are all different...

So, as we all know, we are all different. But, I know myself that I am always comparing myself to others and how difficult it is not to. At times when I have felt horrendous with anxiety and again particularly most recently I feel guilty for even having anxiety. I get annoyed with myself because I hear about horrendous things people a have gone through on a daily basis through my job and think I have experienced nothing in comparison but why do I still suffer with an anxious mind.

We are trapped in a society where we are programmed to believe we should feel a certain way or react in a specific way in situations. But who on earth has the power to say to you how you will feel or how you will react when faced with something awful or even with something great? Now whoever made up that rule must not of realized that although we are all human we are all indivdual. So it's ok that you might feel something differently to someone else who has been in the same situation before. If something affects you just a little bit more than it does someone else then it really doesn't matter. There are no rules.

Anxiety or depression can be a way of your body and mind telling you that it's had enough. Now it doesn't matter if what's caused your anxiety or depression is or isn't worse than what someone else's, it just about your own personal tolerance. If you get easily stressed and need abit extra guidance and support than someone else then so be it. I am really fed up living in a judgmental society where even our ability to cope with tough situations is used as a comparison. It then leads to people being afraid to ask for help and just suffer in silence because they feel like that are aren't as strong as other people or can't handle things as well.
But we need to embrace the differences we all have, support others where we can and just accept that it's ok to need help!

Self-confidence...

Apologies if this is something I have spoken about before, and I am pretty sure I have.
A massive part of my anxiety stems from self-confidence (or should I say, lack of it) and recently I have noticed it is for so many people.

It is so sad that we can always pick out the bad things about ourselves but as soon as someone asks what our good qualities are its almost impossible to think of any.

A lot of the time when I am making any decisions about doing something, my doubts are not usually focused on the decision its self but my ability to do it. Am I good enough is always a question that is floating around my head.

When someone I know is having a wobble with their self-confidence I can always think of a million and one reasons why they are amazing and shouldn't be thinking like that. But if you flip it round that is exactly what you feel like when it's to do with yourself.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where you are classed as arrogant or stuck up if you say anything remotely positive about yourself, so 'apparently' its much easier to rip into yourself and make yourself feel horrendous.

If you think about half the things you say to yourself and all the negative stuff you think about yourself, you wouldn't dream of saying it to a friend or family member so why is it OK to do it to yourself?

I think its about time everyone got a bit of self belief and a pinch of the 'f**k it' attitude.

Now I know this is cliche, but life is far too short, so whats the crime in actually believing in a yourself! Go on I dare you to pay yourself a compliment, even if its just the one.

Being quite the pessimist, when people said 'Think positive thoughts' or 'Be around positive people' tbh I always thought it was a load of crap and thought it would never make a difference. I can't tell you how much I stressed about the 100 happy days phase because I thought what if nothing good happens in that day, what a complete negative nancy!!

Over the past couple of years and most recently over the past couple of months I have become close with people who have totally changed my mindset on this. Another aspect of my negativity and lack of self confidence means I really struggle with ever believing a compliment. But being surrounded by genuine positive people I am slowly learning that maybe people do mean what they say when saying something nice.

It has been completely refreshing to be around people who support you and see all your good points rather than picking on the negative. I don't mean you have to be over the top and fake about what you say, but the tiniest compliment can work wonders on an otherwise negative mind!

Let's admit, we do live in a pretty shitty world. Lots of negative things happening on a daily basis, so why do we make it worse by dragging each other down at the same time. Being around people who totally believe in you and truly believe that you deserve the best, is a massive boost in motivation and confidence. There is something to say about feeling appreciated in giving you the tiny bit of selfworth you struggle to find in yourself.

Pay someone a little compliment, tell someone how amazing they are! You won't believe how worthwhile and meaningful it is for some people. This quote is just perfect for what I am trying to say, 'The best kind of friendships are fierce friendships, believe in each other, defend each other, and think the other deserves the world'. Let's have each other's backs instead of bitching behind them.

Things I wish I knew...

Things I wish I knew about having anxiety four years ago...
And for anyone struggling with anything right now.  

• You are not alone, there are 100s of 1000s of people going through exactly what you're going through, always remember that and take comfort in that fact.
• No matter how many times you explain yourself to someone not everyone will ,'get it'. That's ok though and you have to accept that. 
• You're going to have to quickly realise as the above, not everyone will be nice about it, 'it's all in your head so that makes it not true remember'.  (Rolls eyes)  But you have to eff the haters and all that. 
• Something that you think is the absolute worst possible thing to ever happen to you, can actually bring along with it amazingness too, I have made life long friends just from all being anxious messes. 
• There are that many symptoms you can possibly feel, it can be difficult to keep track. But on a positive note, anxiety does not kill you! Otherwise I'd be long gone speaking from PLENTY of experience!! 
•  It is not something you can fight off by eating oranges like a cold. In fact its much worse if you do try and fight it. Acceptance is key. 
• Then once you have accepted it, let it be. What will be will be.
• Always always listen to your body when it's giving you the warning signs that you need to chill the hell out and look after yourself. It's ok to need to fix your mind from time to time. 
• There is no such thing as 'normal' so stop trying to search for whatever it is or whatever it feels like.  
• Also you are pretty kick ass for dealing with this on a daily basis and not giving up! 

Be patient...

One thing I really recommend when struggling with things, is to have patience. The strange thing is, I would class myself as a pretty patient person in most aspects of my life apart from with myself.

I beat myself up no end if I think things aren't happening as quick or like I expected. But it's really important that you give yourself time. Having the added pressure or timescale to when you will feel better or will have achieved something can make you feel worse. Especially like me, when you put a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself for no reason.

Let's be realistic, nothing happens over night but see it as a work in progress. Everything happens when you least expect it and I am starting to think that might be true.

You will get there, little steps at time. After everything you've already gone through, you are still here waiting, so doesn't that tell you something?

Please don't give up...

It can be easy to believe you don't have the strength to keep on going, to feel like you don't have any energy left. But trust me you do, you wouldn't be where you are if you weren't a tough cookie.

When it feel so hard it's a sign that good things are about to happen. It can be hard to see all the things we are being brave about, but if I we were constantly aware of Everything then that would reinforce that we are scared of whatever it is.

I saw a quote last week that said that the desire to quit something is a sign that you are closer to succeeding. This quote gave me a much needed boost of belief in myself and my ability to deal with certain things.

So just when you're feeling like everything is getting a little too much... life doesn't throw things at you that you aren't strong enough to handle. You absolutely can do this!

Be yourself...

I am a strong believer in just being yourself and I have probably written something very similar before now.

I think we live in a society where there is constant pressure to be a certain way and everyday can feel like a competition with other people.

Obviously everyone has the need or want to change certain things about themselves and that's perfectly fine.

But I've discovered that specific things are specific to you as a person and are near impossible to change.

 It's absolutely draining trying to change a part of you that's just who you are.

 Surely if that's part of your personality or make up then you should embrace it and use it to the best of its ability, instead of trying to squash it down and feeling deflated and drained when no matter how much you try it just won't go away.

We wouldn't say to someone that they absolutely need to alter a physical part of themselves so why is it ok to drag someone down because they are too nice, too quiet or even too funny?

And as cheesy as this sounds, in the words of Jessie J, 'Just be true to who you are'

Free floating Anxiety...

When trying to explain to someone what a anxiety is it can be quite difficult because everyone feels anxious at some point through their life.

One good thing is, yeah, it is possible for every single human  being to feel anxious so what you're feeling isn't something abnormal. However with free floating Anxiety and other anxiety disorders the feeling is pretty much there most of the time.

There is usually no specific cause and you will normally worry about everything and anything. This is why its the worst when people say 'just try not to worry' because it's literally impossible.

There are so many different types of anxiety and diferent ways it can manifest which I don't think many people realise. I know so many people who suffer from it but it's always a tiny bit different in each person.

On top of all the thoughts people with anxiety have they will also be having loads of physical symptoms at the same time. This usually causes even more anxiety because you don't know whats going on. After my most recent Drs trip, he said that people have never really connected the brain and physical symptoms, but they are so closely linked. Even being a bit run down physically can play havoc on anxiety.

Anxiety will normally vary in intensity throughtout a persons life and get better or worse at different times.

I just take comfort in knowing I'm not alone and so many people go through this on a daily basis. And also that these feelings are normal, it wouldn't even be possible to feel them if it wasnt. It annoys me that having extreme levels of anxiety is always seen as a weakness but everyone feels it just in different amounts.

Be strong...

Just when I thought I'd felt every anxiety symptom possible, I started feeling a tad strange again.

I wrote before about depersonalisation being a symptom of anxiety and it is something I have felt before but not for long periods of time. This time it's decided to stick around for longer than I would of liked.

So basically what happens is when your brain has had enough of being anxious it goes into protective mode, pretty clever really but can be quite freaky when you don't know what's going on.

I was scared about writing about this, silly really when I'm so open about having anxiety and encourage people to be the same. But I'm not going to lie I've felt like I am literally about to lose my mind at any second.

When you have depersonalisation and derealisation you feel like you're in a dream 24/7, kinda like you're on drugs which for some people sounds like a joy but for someone who is obsessed with being in control of yourself it's bloody awful!
I've also had symptoms where I've not felt like myself, especially when I look in the mirror, I do know it's me and I look exactly like I always have but not felt like me inside.

The good news is everyone has said I'm acting exactly the same as always and they can't tell at all! Which to me is a massive relief when I've felt so odd!

So, in true , 'me' style I have got as much reassurance from people as possible and also took a trip to the Drs! Luckily I have a very understanding Dr and he knew immediately what I was harping on about! He told me it's completely normal and its very common in anxiety sufferers unfortunately. Basically us peeps with anxiety are uber aware of every little feeling our body feels compared with other people. He told me to know it will get better and that I have overcome everything else and it is possible to overcome this too. Phew!!

I have started to realise that we all need to be kinder to ourselves. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, we keep going even though it feels like walking through mud at times!

Anxiety is a funny old thing and can manifest itself in so many different symptoms and has a very good way of telling your mind little lies. But again, you won't be alone when feeling a certain feeling or symptom, there will always be someone who has gone through it too! Don't suffer in silence either, that makes it soo much worse. Keep fighting and being strong, you can do this!

Don't fight it...

So after a recent bout of the dreaded anxiety, I felt that it was definitely about time to do some blog writing.

You would think after coming up to 4 years of having anxiety I would know what it was when it started creeping up again.

The truth is I probably did, but then why did I still insist on fighting against it, pushing it to one side because I didnt want to face it or admit that I was struggling.
The whole thing goes against what I've been harping on about all this time.

Just because our brains need a little TLC from time to time, why do we still feel embarrassed to say anything.

Pretending like there is nothing wrong only makes you feel worse. Even if that is just admitting it to yourself, it is sooo important to accept these wobbles.

It is exhausting when you are going through a tough time so don't make it harder by trying to put up a fight. It's ok to not be ok all of the time, we are only human after all.

Take Care.

Long time no write...

So, I don't really have anything in particular that I want to write about. I have just recently realised how much I miss writing.

Life is so busy, we often forget to do the things we actually love to do. I always think there is no point in writing if I nothing really interesting to say, or just for the sake of it. But I logged onto my blog page and I people are still reading my blog when I haven't even posted for months.

Someone also asked if I was still blogging because I hadn't posted anything for ages and they assumed I was feeling better because of this. I do feel better than I did when I first started writing this blog, but anxiety and worry is something I still deal with on a daily basis. But I suddenly realised it was seemed a little bit selfish of me to have only been writing during the time I was feeling my worst when every day is a struggle for some people. Plus you don't even have to have any specific reason to need a pick me up or a touch of motivation.

To see that people are still reading and using my blog as a way of helping themselves made me feel so happy. I guess I'm just trying to say I am still here, I still appreciate and feel overwhelmed that people even read my ramblings. And to remind everyone as well as myself, to never stop doing something you love because life gets in the way. Do what makes you happy :)

Be Kind to yourself...

Surprise Surprise I have been spending some time over thinking for a change. 

Being a person who wants to help other people I think it is very easy to forget about yourself sometimes. 

Since I have felt so much better anxiety wise,  I try and do a lot more than I would of dreamed of doing even just this time last year. 

When a day comes along where I think I dont feel 100% I get a huge feeling of guilt and tell myself I shouldn't be feeling like that, especially when I am supposed to be helping other people on a daily basis. I feel like I should be OK all the time and will let people down if I am not. 

I think again it comes down to comparing to other people and that you aren't a strong person if admit that you are struggling from time to time. 

I even feel I shouldn't write things on here anymore because it shows that I am not fine all of the time. Which in reality without me starting this blog and admitting how I was really feeling, I wouldn't be at the place I am today anyway. 

At the end of the day we are all human and it is perfectly fine to admit to having a wobble. When we have one of those days when we aren't really feeling ourselves, it is just a kind reminder that we do actually need to be a little selfish sometimes. 

You can't be there for other people if you aren't there for yourself. 

Positivity...

A couple of weeks ago over a coffee and a catch up, one of my lovely friends told me about something she had recently started doing with some of her other friends.

This was to send each other a five positive things about their life or that day first thing every morning.

I said that this sounded like a fab idea and could she please do the same for me! I have been guilty of being a tad pessimistic and thought this would be really helpful for me! Having my pessimistic head on I thought maybe some days there won't be anything for me to put!

We have been doing this every day for the past few weeks and I'm surprised how much it has helped and how much I have enjoyed doing it.
No matter how rubbish your day has been you can look back and realise that there is still something good about it!

These five things don't have to be huge and life changing. What is great about it is that even just the little things in life, that can often be taken for granted, get remembered.

It is also really nice to hear someone else's positives as well as your own!
It is definitely worth giving it a try, what can be bad about starting the day with a positive thought!

Also, If you forget in the morning you could share what the highlight of that day was in the evening instead!

You time...

We live in a society where we have to be busy and maybe this is a way most people distract themselves from any bigger things going on in their lives. I know myself going from doing pretty much nothing on a daily basis just after finishing University to now the opposite within less than a year, whenever I have the time to do nothing I immediately feel guilty for just sitting there and try and find myself something worthwhile to do.

I think it is important to find the right balance between keeping busy and still making sure you embrace those days where you really have nothing to do.

It seems like people assume that the busier you are the more successful you are and giving yourself a rest can be misunderstood as laziness. I suppose its difficult to truly rest when we live in a society where nothing ever really stops. Even when you decide to treat yourself and have some time to relax, we are still obsessing over social networking sites and immediately feel guilty for sitting there in your dressing gown.

I think that even though being busy is linked with being in control it is still so important to allow yourself time to relax and rest. We should all be able to have moments where we are selfish and prioritise hobbies or just the little things that make us happy. Life shouldn't just be filled with things we have to do but also things we want to do! Make a 'To do' list with all the things you want to do (no matter how big or small)  instead of all those chores or deadlines.

I love days when I think of something to write about on my blog, and have the time to just sit down and let the typing take over. Recently I have also been doing some Yoga every week by myself using 'Yoga with Adriene' on YouTube it is really good to just take as little as 20 mins a day to have some you time! Go on, Treat yourself :)

  

Happy 1st Birthday It's always tea time...

Exactly a year ago I wrote my first ever blog post . Never in a million years did I believe I would get the response I did.

I am literally overwhelmed sometimes that people say my little blog has actually helped them personally. That's all I wanted to do and all I want to carry on doing.
Even just helping one person have that conversation with someone that they haven't been feeling themselves recently, somebody taking the massive step in telling their own personal experiences or just putting a smile on someone's face with a positive quote, I feel like I have accomplished exactly what I set out to do.

One massively negative part of my life has resulted in so many positives. I have made new friends and got in touch with old friends too and I feel so grateful for having that opportunity.

I want to give people the courage to stay strong and not give up. Believe that you can do it no matter how long it takes and how many times you try. The more times you experience those terrible feelings, the more you start to realise that you will only come back stronger. The feelings may start to get less and less but it's because you aren't scared of them anymore. Accept the thoughts and feelings instead of fighting them. Tell yourself you have been here before, you have felt this crap before and you were ok and you will be ok again.

Think of your mind like a garden. You have the power and the resources to plant what thoughts are in there. Some gardens take a little more looking after than others and some grow weeds. But you have the opportunity with the right help to get rid of those weeds and replace them with the flower 's you like the best.

Understand...

It's another one of those times where thoughts are swimming around my mind and there's no better place to say them out loud than my blog.

I have recently got the Timehop app, (I know behind with the times or what?) But I noticed the other day it's 3 years since I started feeling a little iffy with what I know now to be Anxiety.

I have been thinking and wondering what was different back then and why I am where I am now. Although it has been numerous different things collectively, one thing has stood out more recently.

That thing is just 'understanding'. Understanding anxiety, knowing what it is and it in context to me and my experiences. I now know where it came from in the first place and what triggers it still.

I don't feel better because it's just disappeared and I'm completely 'cured'. It is just because I know exactly what it is and why it can make you feel like it does. Let's be honest 3 years is quite a while to feel like you finally have control of something which controlled you for all that time. I have control now because I have the knowledge.

Having anxiety alone and all its lovely feelings and symptoms it brings with it can be pretty terrifying so add a bit of poor understanding and it popping up at the most random and inconvenient moments and no wonder this thing can consume you and control you like you are a puppet.

I got to the point previously where I thought my anxiety was me and I was making decisions and doing things based on that. Now I know so much about it all, it is something which is part of me but I can manage it so much better.

Just think, how much time and energy would be saved if people just understood about mental health and why it may need some TLC from time to time.

It has also helped me that I have been able to explain what it is and why it happens to my family.  My Mum has said herself that due to her having more understanding she has been able to empathise with other people and pass on information to them too.

As humans we are often scared of the unknown so why make something which can be so disconcerting even more so just because we've made it ok not to know what it is.

Let's get talking and sharing information about mental health and hopefully one day it won't be such a taboo anymore!

Happy New Year...

To be honest, I have felt a bit weird about writing on my blog for the past couple of months. I think in some ways it's because I am in a different place in comparison to when I began writing my blog both mentally and quite literally. Before I used it as a place to vent my feelings at the time when they weren't at their best.

 Therefore once I felt a bit better and felt like I didn't need to write about those things anymore I started having a negative association with my blog and sort of pushed it to one side. 

However, recently I have realised how much I do miss writing and people have even mentioned that it has been a while since they saw a new post. It made me think that although I started this blog at a time when I was struggling the positive outcomes outway the negatives massively. 

Not only have I have used it to help myself which really has worked wonders, the response from other people has been overwhelming. My passion is to help others and thats what I have done, I really couldn't be happier. 

Writing this blog has made think, feel and see things differently, I now even see myself differently. I have started to believe in myself more and finally accept me for being just me, which I think that everyone in the world should have the opportunity to believe.

I feel even more strongly about the importance of understanding that everyone is different and accepting individuality! 

I also discovered how good things can actually develop from the bad things and it so important to keep going and never give up. Realise that things do happen for a reason and there is a reason that things might take time to work out how you were hoping or first expected. 

I am not writing this to tell you all that everything is amazing in my life and there aren't times when I do still struggle, but isn't that just part of being human?

 I will continue to do my best at helping others through my blog etc. I promise that having just a tiny bit of belief in yourself, can be the start of something better.

I went to the cinema to see the film about Stephen Hawking's life , 'The Theory of Everything ' a couple of days ago.
The film was incredible by the way and you should definitely go and see it!! 
There was a quote in it from the man himself which pretty much sums up how I feel right now. 

 'We are all different, there is no such thing as a standard or run-of-the-mill human being, but we share the same human spirit. What is important is that we have the ability to create. This creativity can take many forms, from physical achievement to theoretical physics. However difficult life may seem there is always something you can do, and succeed at' (Stephen Hawking,2012) 

For the first time in ages I feel excited about the fresh new year we have ahead of us. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to forget about the times I have struggled in the past and use them to move forward and help others!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Hey it's OK #2...

To like dogs more than you like some humans.

To cry. Let it all out :)

To not jump on the bandwagon.

To admit you need help with something. Everybody does!

To actually think you look nice in your new outfit.