Understand...

It's another one of those times where thoughts are swimming around my mind and there's no better place to say them out loud than my blog.

I have recently got the Timehop app, (I know behind with the times or what?) But I noticed the other day it's 3 years since I started feeling a little iffy with what I know now to be Anxiety.

I have been thinking and wondering what was different back then and why I am where I am now. Although it has been numerous different things collectively, one thing has stood out more recently.

That thing is just 'understanding'. Understanding anxiety, knowing what it is and it in context to me and my experiences. I now know where it came from in the first place and what triggers it still.

I don't feel better because it's just disappeared and I'm completely 'cured'. It is just because I know exactly what it is and why it can make you feel like it does. Let's be honest 3 years is quite a while to feel like you finally have control of something which controlled you for all that time. I have control now because I have the knowledge.

Having anxiety alone and all its lovely feelings and symptoms it brings with it can be pretty terrifying so add a bit of poor understanding and it popping up at the most random and inconvenient moments and no wonder this thing can consume you and control you like you are a puppet.

I got to the point previously where I thought my anxiety was me and I was making decisions and doing things based on that. Now I know so much about it all, it is something which is part of me but I can manage it so much better.

Just think, how much time and energy would be saved if people just understood about mental health and why it may need some TLC from time to time.

It has also helped me that I have been able to explain what it is and why it happens to my family.  My Mum has said herself that due to her having more understanding she has been able to empathise with other people and pass on information to them too.

As humans we are often scared of the unknown so why make something which can be so disconcerting even more so just because we've made it ok not to know what it is.

Let's get talking and sharing information about mental health and hopefully one day it won't be such a taboo anymore!

Hey it's OK #2...

To like dogs more than you like some humans.

To cry. Let it all out :)

To not jump on the bandwagon.

To admit you need help with something. Everybody does!

To actually think you look nice in your new outfit.

Rant...

So, I am a strong believer in being yourself and absolutely despise peer pressure. I don't know if this is just because I was born a 60 year old or I have just been there, done that and in some cases unfortunately worn in the t-shirt.

It has always kind of got to me how there are certain expectations to be a particular way in my generation and if you don't fit into this category you are immediately an outcast.

Who came up with the rules on how you should be/look/act at different times of your life? Apparently individuality is respected but then how come you are made to feel inadequate just because you aren't a clone of everybody else.

I don't understand why you should feel unhappy because you don't feel comfortable in certain situations or doing certain things. You wouldn't tell someone to do something to purposely make them feel unhappy so why is there so much pressure on people.

Be yourself, do what makes you happy, if people don't like you for being yourself then they aren't worth knowing! :)

...and breathe!

Goals or No Goals...

When I first started writing my blog I decided it was a good idea to give myself a set of monthly goals. I soon began to realise this actually wasn't all that good for someone like me. The kind of goals I am talking about are the ones you give yourself on top of things where you are likely to already have set goals like Work, School and University for example.

If I have something to do, I have to do it and get frustrated if it doesn't get completed like I wanted it to. I started using the goals to dictate what I was doing for the month and felt really disappointed when I happened to miss a circuit training class or didn't manage to drink enough water one particular day. I just gave myself added 'pressure' for no reason at all and instead of it being beneficial it resulted in me feeling annoyed at myself for not being able to do this little things which I had created myself.

I realised that all the goals were just little things which I actually enjoyed doing or should really be doing anyway (drinking plenty of water). Making something you enjoy doing into a specific goal for you to reach just makes you not want to do it because your telling yourself that you have to. Reading is something which I love to do, I love to get into a really good book and use it as a way of relaxing but by putting it on a list of monthly goals I just got fed up with myself for not managing to finish a book because 'life' got in the way.

We can't predict what will happen from one week to the next and therefore why give yourself added pressure of personally making 'goals' which may or may not be achieved. I decided to look at it differently and suggest other people who struggle with setting yourself certain goals to try and do this also. Instead of making a list of things you have to do be aware of the things which you hope or want to do and if you manage to do them then you will feel pleased with yourself for choosing to do it without feeling forced into it.

I've noticed in a number of different things that as humans we don't really like being told that we should be doing something and feel much better when we have made the decision ourselves. Even if you want to make a list of things which you hope to achieve in a specific space of time don't call them goals, don't set them as a task just let them happen when they happen. If you manage to fit in three days a week of exercise then great, if you don't then who cares!

Count your blessings...

Recently I have been trying to make an effort every time I am worrying about something to actually ask myself 'What is it I am actually worrying about?'. Confronting the worry straight away and turning it around on itself, I have noticed that the majority of things I do worry about are unimportant and insignificant in comparison to what others have gone through or are currently going through. An amazing quote which I always remind myself about is 'Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain'. I have been asking myself is there really any need to dwell on these things which aren't actually happening at the time.

We can all be guilty of only seeing the bad things in ourselves and our lives but recently I have become more aware of how important it is to be grateful for what we have. I have being taking time to appreciate what I have and not worry about things which could go wrong or things which I dislike about myself. There are always people who are happy with less than you have in many different ways so why is it so difficult to be grateful for what you do have. If you really do think about it there are so many things to be thankful for and therefore we should all take time to count our blessings instead of our troubles. If you take the time to actually count your assets you will find that there are a lot more positives than negatives. Not only is this a positive way to live in general you do actually feel better in yourself for being more aware of the little things we take for granted.

We live in a society where we are led to believe that we should always be striving for something better and that using your skills and the 'positive' aspects of your live are the only way you are going to become successful. I always feel inspired by people who use something negative in their lives and turn into something positive. Initially I believed having Anxiety was a major negative in my life and only bad things would happen as a result of it. My doctor said to me instead of seeing it as something bad which has happened in my life, I should turn my liability into an asset. Writing this blog for example has turned something I thought of as a huge negative aspect of my life into something massively positive, not just for myself but for other people as well .

Spare some time to count your blessings and try to turn the things you believe are bad about yourself into something positive!

A thought for Thursday #15...

My Sociology teacher used to have this quote on the wall in his classroom when I was at school and since then it has always been one of my favorites. I am strong believer in equal opportunities, everyone should express themselves through what they are good at, everyone is good at different things and that should always be viewed in a positive way. 

How boring would life be if everyone was the same, doing the same things. 

A Thought for Thursday #11...

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Silence is louder than words...

I am in another one of my ranty moods and this is a topic which I have pondered about for quite a while now.

In my opinion being quiet doesn’t always mean you are a shy person. People who are thought to be quiet always have to provide an explanation for being the way they are because being slightly introverted is regarded as negative. I don’t consider myself to be a particularly shy person but numerous people have labelled me as being quiet.

It is another one of those judgements where people assume that quiet people lack the ability to be socially adequate. Maybe these people appear to quiet because they don’t get an opportunity to get a word in edge ways when they are surrounded by ‘loud’ people. Basically you don’t need to be a person shy to be classed as an introvert it just means you are quite happy being in your own company which to me isn’t always a bad thing.

I get the impression that we are all lead to believe that those who are loud and who are always the centre of attention are doing the right thing.  People use the fact that an individual who is quiet as having a poor personality. For example I have genuinely heard people say that someone is a nice person apart the fact that they are a quiet but never about someone who is more outgoing.

Being loud is always viewed in a positive way, being loud means you are confident and sociable and this must mean you have lots of friends.Just because you are quiet and perhaps prefer to keep your thoughts to yourself this doesn't mean you are inadequate compared with other people. We are falsely led to believe that introverted people cannot possibly make a difference and influence ideas and change.

I wrote this post a few weeks ago but haven’t actually got round to finishing it or like usual thinking it wasn’t good enough to share. There is an article in this month’s Company magazines which fits in perfectly with this blog post. It discusses how the internet provides ‘quiet’ people with the platform to finally speak their mind which they may not have been able to do so before.

This is exactly how I feel and I am sure many other bloggers do also. It has given me the opportunity to talk openly about an issue is which very important and close to my heart which I perhaps wouldn’t of got the chance to do. Because I am ‘quiet’, without the internet I wouldn’t have been able to share my thoughts to thousands of other people and help people like I have done already.

Having the ability to express yourself through different ways allows you to accept being you instead of hiding away and doubting your own beliefs. Just like Company magazine says ‘quiet’/introverted people still have just as many amazing personality traits and skills as ‘loud’/extroverted people, so instead of taking a back seat behind those who don’t stop talking, why not get your voice heard but in your own individual way!

Generation Judgmental...

You have probably gathered by now that I am not a massive drinker of alcohol. It has almost definitely stemmed from my anxiety etc. (If you would like to know the reason read Even though I am better than I before I still don’t really enjoy it or ever feel the need to drink.

For some people not drinking alcohol is just a personal lifestyle choice, sometimes it is for a medical reason and on the other hand it may due to someone’s religion. Whatever the reason may be for someone choosing not to drink alcohol, be it all the time or just on one occasion is it also made into a massive deal.

I don’t personally have an issue with other people choosing to drink so why should it bother them so much if I don’t want to. I will have a couple of drinks occasionally but I have never had or get the feeling where I need to have an alcoholic drink.

I have found that people who don’t drink are made to feel like they aren’t as good as people who do. Apparently choosing not to drink means you can’t possibly have any fun in any kind of situation. People always assume that you aren’t having a good time or enjoying yourself if you aren’t drinking, and I have had the best nights and laughed the hardest when I have been stone cold sober. I can dance like an idiot after a pint of lemonade but the reaction towards me from people who need ten Jager bombs to just do a little shimmying just bizarre. Why does it bother them so much? If alcohol is so amazing then why are you wasting your night wondering if I am having a good time or not?

I have always thought it as being an embarrassing thing for people to find out and have always dreaded having to tell people. Going to university during this generation as a non-drinker, seems to be the craziest thing to you can do. The whole University experience is portrayed as being one giant p*ss up and to say I was dreading it was an understatement. I have mentioned before that my opening line to one of my flat mates was to tell them that I didn’t drink alcohol. He just looked at me with a mixture of pity and shock as if to say ‘then what are you doing at Uni then?’

I absolutely hate everything to do with night clubs and clubbing and it just isn’t my cup of tea at all. During University this seemed like the only acceptable way to socialise with your friends and to have a good time. I had to continuously say no to nights out because I knew I just wouldn't feel comfortable. The actual thought of being forced into playing drinking games made me want to never leave my bedroom. Then being in a smelly dark room with peoples sweaty arm pits in my face and the worlds sh*ttiest music being played was my worst nightmare. I know everyone will think I sound like a complete old fart but if you think about it for someone who doesn't drink what is there to enjoy about it. At least in a nice bar or pub you can actually sit and talk to the people you are out with. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love going to gigs and listening to live music and proper bands playing actual decent music. But there isn't even that little thing to enjoy in a night club.

I have one example in particular which I think shows the type of stigma that is automatically attached to people who choose not to drink. Once I was in a pub once with some girls whilst I was at Uni, we were watching a live band and I only had a drink of coke and still managed to have a great night. Half way through the night one of the girls said ‘Katie, you are actually quite funny!’ (This was the first time she had seen me out in town) so I just replied with ‘I am not acting any different to normal’. But it just proves that people just assume that you’re a complete loser with no sense of humour or personality if you don’t drink or night clubs aren’t your favourite pastime.

Just because you don’t like certain things which society portrays as being the ‘norm’ it doesn't mean you are a social recluse with no friends. No one judges people for choosing to drink so why judge someone who chooses not to.  You can still have a good time just in a different way to how some people might choose to do so.

There is such a huge amount of peer pressure to act a certain way or to do a certain thing within our generation but why should anyone do anything which they don’t feel comfortable doing. I say, do whatever you want to do, its not anyone else's business anyway!