Long time no write...

So, I don't really have anything in particular that I want to write about. I have just recently realised how much I miss writing.

Life is so busy, we often forget to do the things we actually love to do. I always think there is no point in writing if I nothing really interesting to say, or just for the sake of it. But I logged onto my blog page and I people are still reading my blog when I haven't even posted for months.

Someone also asked if I was still blogging because I hadn't posted anything for ages and they assumed I was feeling better because of this. I do feel better than I did when I first started writing this blog, but anxiety and worry is something I still deal with on a daily basis. But I suddenly realised it was seemed a little bit selfish of me to have only been writing during the time I was feeling my worst when every day is a struggle for some people. Plus you don't even have to have any specific reason to need a pick me up or a touch of motivation.

To see that people are still reading and using my blog as a way of helping themselves made me feel so happy. I guess I'm just trying to say I am still here, I still appreciate and feel overwhelmed that people even read my ramblings. And to remind everyone as well as myself, to never stop doing something you love because life gets in the way. Do what makes you happy :)

Be Kind to yourself...

Surprise Surprise I have been spending some time over thinking for a change. 

Being a person who wants to help other people I think it is very easy to forget about yourself sometimes. 

Since I have felt so much better anxiety wise,  I try and do a lot more than I would of dreamed of doing even just this time last year. 

When a day comes along where I think I dont feel 100% I get a huge feeling of guilt and tell myself I shouldn't be feeling like that, especially when I am supposed to be helping other people on a daily basis. I feel like I should be OK all the time and will let people down if I am not. 

I think again it comes down to comparing to other people and that you aren't a strong person if admit that you are struggling from time to time. 

I even feel I shouldn't write things on here anymore because it shows that I am not fine all of the time. Which in reality without me starting this blog and admitting how I was really feeling, I wouldn't be at the place I am today anyway. 

At the end of the day we are all human and it is perfectly fine to admit to having a wobble. When we have one of those days when we aren't really feeling ourselves, it is just a kind reminder that we do actually need to be a little selfish sometimes. 

You can't be there for other people if you aren't there for yourself. 

You time...

We live in a society where we have to be busy and maybe this is a way most people distract themselves from any bigger things going on in their lives. I know myself going from doing pretty much nothing on a daily basis just after finishing University to now the opposite within less than a year, whenever I have the time to do nothing I immediately feel guilty for just sitting there and try and find myself something worthwhile to do.

I think it is important to find the right balance between keeping busy and still making sure you embrace those days where you really have nothing to do.

It seems like people assume that the busier you are the more successful you are and giving yourself a rest can be misunderstood as laziness. I suppose its difficult to truly rest when we live in a society where nothing ever really stops. Even when you decide to treat yourself and have some time to relax, we are still obsessing over social networking sites and immediately feel guilty for sitting there in your dressing gown.

I think that even though being busy is linked with being in control it is still so important to allow yourself time to relax and rest. We should all be able to have moments where we are selfish and prioritise hobbies or just the little things that make us happy. Life shouldn't just be filled with things we have to do but also things we want to do! Make a 'To do' list with all the things you want to do (no matter how big or small)  instead of all those chores or deadlines.

I love days when I think of something to write about on my blog, and have the time to just sit down and let the typing take over. Recently I have also been doing some Yoga every week by myself using 'Yoga with Adriene' on YouTube it is really good to just take as little as 20 mins a day to have some you time! Go on, Treat yourself :)

  

Happy New Year...

To be honest, I have felt a bit weird about writing on my blog for the past couple of months. I think in some ways it's because I am in a different place in comparison to when I began writing my blog both mentally and quite literally. Before I used it as a place to vent my feelings at the time when they weren't at their best.

 Therefore once I felt a bit better and felt like I didn't need to write about those things anymore I started having a negative association with my blog and sort of pushed it to one side. 

However, recently I have realised how much I do miss writing and people have even mentioned that it has been a while since they saw a new post. It made me think that although I started this blog at a time when I was struggling the positive outcomes outway the negatives massively. 

Not only have I have used it to help myself which really has worked wonders, the response from other people has been overwhelming. My passion is to help others and thats what I have done, I really couldn't be happier. 

Writing this blog has made think, feel and see things differently, I now even see myself differently. I have started to believe in myself more and finally accept me for being just me, which I think that everyone in the world should have the opportunity to believe.

I feel even more strongly about the importance of understanding that everyone is different and accepting individuality! 

I also discovered how good things can actually develop from the bad things and it so important to keep going and never give up. Realise that things do happen for a reason and there is a reason that things might take time to work out how you were hoping or first expected. 

I am not writing this to tell you all that everything is amazing in my life and there aren't times when I do still struggle, but isn't that just part of being human?

 I will continue to do my best at helping others through my blog etc. I promise that having just a tiny bit of belief in yourself, can be the start of something better.

I went to the cinema to see the film about Stephen Hawking's life , 'The Theory of Everything ' a couple of days ago.
The film was incredible by the way and you should definitely go and see it!! 
There was a quote in it from the man himself which pretty much sums up how I feel right now. 

 'We are all different, there is no such thing as a standard or run-of-the-mill human being, but we share the same human spirit. What is important is that we have the ability to create. This creativity can take many forms, from physical achievement to theoretical physics. However difficult life may seem there is always something you can do, and succeed at' (Stephen Hawking,2012) 

For the first time in ages I feel excited about the fresh new year we have ahead of us. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to forget about the times I have struggled in the past and use them to move forward and help others!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Tuesday Pep Talk... #2

We are always told to treat other people how we want to be treated ourselves but yet we are often our own worst enemies.

It is all well and good being kind to other people (& please don't stop doing that) but what about being kind to ourselves?

Whenever you have a tough day with whatever it may be, you should make an effort to be kind to yourself instead of punishing yourself.

At the end of the day instead of feeling angry or annoyed about something that has happened or how you have been feeling you should do something you enjoy and/or treat yourself!

Have a bath, read, watch a film, do yoga, drink a hot drink, watch crap TV, have that takeaway you can't stop thinking about! Do whatever makes you happy! :)

Tuesday Pep Talk...

I am sure many of you can agree that we are all in need of a pep talk once in a while. I know myself suffering with anxiety I feel better once I have spoken about how I am feeling or what I am worrying about with someone else, whether it's just to put my mind at rest or to give more a more rational answer to a problem.

Being in a reflective mood I have been thinking about how things have changed since starting with bad anxiety and how they are now. The answer is, that lots of things have changed massively and that is a combination of things such as, getting older, leaving Uni, moving house etc.

I still feel annoyed and sometimes disappointed  with myself when I have one of those random anxious days, which luckily I can recognise much more easily and do something about it sooner. I have to remind myself that its fine to have those kind of days and we wouldn't be human without them. Its completely normal to have some anxiety when there are big changes happening in your life.

Think about those days when you have felt completely overwhelmed with anxiety and worry but it still didn't stop you from doing what you wanted to do, they are the reason you are where you are now. Anxiety does not define you it is just a part of you, it doesn't mean that you don't have aspirations and passions. You are still you, you still have your own personality and you are just as able as everyone else to enjoy your life!

I find pushing yourself to do something which you thought you would never be able to do helps so much. Doing something (no matter how small) which you previously thought would cause you to freak out and realising that you can do it just fine can fill you with confidence and make you so happy! Even if you do have a little wobble whilst you are doing it coming out the other side and realising you can do it, and it wasn't so bad after all is so worthwhile.

Remember you are not the only person feeling like this, whatever situation you are in I am sure there are multiple people who feel just the same as you do, you aren't alone.

Don't give up...

Dear Readers...

Don't be annoyed at yourself when things don't quite go to plan, remember you tried and be proud of yourself for doing just that.

Bad things will and do happen, and things do get better I promise. It is completely OK to accept the fact that you are feeling anxious, sad or down about something, be open about what that is and give whatever it is the time it needs.

When you feel like giving up, don't, you are stronger than you think.

Give yourself more credit, concentrate on how far you have come already.

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Rant...

So, I am a strong believer in being yourself and absolutely despise peer pressure. I don't know if this is just because I was born a 60 year old or I have just been there, done that and in some cases unfortunately worn in the t-shirt.

It has always kind of got to me how there are certain expectations to be a particular way in my generation and if you don't fit into this category you are immediately an outcast.

Who came up with the rules on how you should be/look/act at different times of your life? Apparently individuality is respected but then how come you are made to feel inadequate just because you aren't a clone of everybody else.

I don't understand why you should feel unhappy because you don't feel comfortable in certain situations or doing certain things. You wouldn't tell someone to do something to purposely make them feel unhappy so why is there so much pressure on people.

Be yourself, do what makes you happy, if people don't like you for being yourself then they aren't worth knowing! :)

...and breathe!

Goals or No Goals...

When I first started writing my blog I decided it was a good idea to give myself a set of monthly goals. I soon began to realise this actually wasn't all that good for someone like me. The kind of goals I am talking about are the ones you give yourself on top of things where you are likely to already have set goals like Work, School and University for example.

If I have something to do, I have to do it and get frustrated if it doesn't get completed like I wanted it to. I started using the goals to dictate what I was doing for the month and felt really disappointed when I happened to miss a circuit training class or didn't manage to drink enough water one particular day. I just gave myself added 'pressure' for no reason at all and instead of it being beneficial it resulted in me feeling annoyed at myself for not being able to do this little things which I had created myself.

I realised that all the goals were just little things which I actually enjoyed doing or should really be doing anyway (drinking plenty of water). Making something you enjoy doing into a specific goal for you to reach just makes you not want to do it because your telling yourself that you have to. Reading is something which I love to do, I love to get into a really good book and use it as a way of relaxing but by putting it on a list of monthly goals I just got fed up with myself for not managing to finish a book because 'life' got in the way.

We can't predict what will happen from one week to the next and therefore why give yourself added pressure of personally making 'goals' which may or may not be achieved. I decided to look at it differently and suggest other people who struggle with setting yourself certain goals to try and do this also. Instead of making a list of things you have to do be aware of the things which you hope or want to do and if you manage to do them then you will feel pleased with yourself for choosing to do it without feeling forced into it.

I've noticed in a number of different things that as humans we don't really like being told that we should be doing something and feel much better when we have made the decision ourselves. Even if you want to make a list of things which you hope to achieve in a specific space of time don't call them goals, don't set them as a task just let them happen when they happen. If you manage to fit in three days a week of exercise then great, if you don't then who cares!

Understanding Anxiety - Physical Symptoms...

It is definitely true that the more set backs you have with anxiety or any mental illness, sooner rather than later you become able to recognise when the feelings are happening. Understanding what those feelings are is a massive step in the right direction. I am in no way claiming that what I am saying is 100% accurate and the same for everyone who has anxiety or I am trying to say everyone who suffers from these symptoms they definitely have anxiety. I am just using my experience and knowledge I have gained myself to try and help other people understand. If you think you are suffering from Anxiety or any other kind of mental illness I would still recommend that you speak to someone else and arrange to see a Dr or other professional.

Although Anxiety is under the mental illness umbrella a lot of the symptoms are physical and more importantly everyone and anyone has the capability of feeling anxious at any time in their life. Anxiety is largely developed from unhelpful thinking styles and as a result worry may become disproportionate to the actual situations. There can be many reasons that people suffer with anxiety but in some cases such as mine my anxiety is 'free floating' and naturally in my body so therefore it can be triggered more easily than other peoples and doesn't necessarily have to be due to a stressful situation, in fact I find that serious situations and things which are 'normal' to worry about I am actually fine with . Everyone's body has the ability to react to extreme situations and the flight or fight adrenaline response kicks in which is actually very useful. Initially for someone suffering from anxiety these feelings can be very daunting because when they take place they are usually aren't in a frightening situation. Being able to recognise and understand the symptoms which can occur during periods of high anxiety allows you to realise that, that is what it is and not something abnormal. This has helped me tremendously and the more times I have felt them I have managed to notice them sooner and calm myself down. It has taken me two years to get to the point where I am able to understand my anxiety and not completely freak out every time I have the same feelings, this is disappointing in contemporary society and I really want to help people realise that what they are feeling is completely normal.  I read somewhere that a helpful way to view anxiety is that it is a defense mechanism and is in no way trying to purposely harm your body.

Physical symptoms of anxiety

Racing heart or palpitations
This is one very common symptom of anxiety and equally scary if you don't know why you suddenly feel like your heart is racing. Your heart beats faster because your body realises adrenaline and therefore blood is pumped around the body quicker to prepare your body in the fight or flight response this makes perfect sense when you read it like this but when it happens from the tiniest trigger it feels much worse.

Body Temperature
Your body temperature usually rapidly changes when you are feeling anxious. Initially you will feel very hot and probably start sweating as a way of cooling down (very glamorous I know) Once you reach the peak of the anxiety attack you may start to feel shivery and shaky this is a result of your muscles contracting because you will naturally tense up during this time and also your body will start to cool down after a short while.

Fuzzy head/headaches
As a result of all the adrenaline pumping around the body and your heart beating faster, it is likely that you will feel faint or dizzy. This again is a perfectly normally response to feeling anxious.

Tummy trouble
During a period of feeling anxious your body is concentrating on your heart and getting the blood to the right places as a result your digestive system temporary shuts down. This can lead to feelings of butterflies, sickness, churning, poor appetite and going to the toilet frequently. Having these kind of symptoms aren't very nice but once you understand the reasons why you are suffering from them it makes it just that little bit easier to deal with. You may also notice that tummy problems stay around even after you aren't feeling particularly anxious.

Tiredness
My doctor said to me that every time you have an episode of anxiety or a panic attack your body produces enough adrenaline to be able to run a marathon, no wonder you feel tired afterwards. Being tired can therefore have an impact on your thought patterns and a result become more negative which will have a knock on effect on your anxiety.

Rapid breathing
As the blood in your body is been directed to all the vital organs this may increase your breathing. Over a period of time in your body being used to taking short sharp breaths it may lead to hyperventilation. This again is pretty scary at the time and more than likely will make you freak out even more. Once you begin to understand the reason behind you feeling this way the easier it is to manage and eventually calm down. I went through a bad spell with thinking I couldn't breathe and as a result thinking it was something to do with my heart at the time I was at my fittest and could comfortably run just over 6 miles, this made me realise that if it was something more serious wrong with me I definitely wouldn't have been able to do that.

Derealisation
I have had this symptom numerous times during when I have felt anxious or had a panic attack and it can be quite difficult to explain to people who have never experienced it. Basically, derealisation is the feeling as though what you are experiencing is a dream and it doesn't feel real. Having anxiety you are constantly aware of how you and your body feels and therefore, sometimes you aren't really paying attention to your surroundings and whats going on around you, this can make you feel like you aren't yourself at times.

I want to do a couple more posts surrounding Anxiety and helping people understand it a little bit better, so next time I will cover the unhelpful thought patterns which can be created as a result of having Anxiety. Remember anyone can experience Anxiety whether you are actually suffering for a short or long period of time.

Chunk Days...

I am just writing this blog post whilst in sunny Bournemouth, it has been really nice to get away from everyday things and have a complete change of scenery. This post is more of a short but sweet one compared with my usual ramblings.

Anyway, here is some more valuable advice from my Auntie I wanted to share with you all because I have found it really helpful myself. I am sure many people with anxiety or the tendency to over think and worry will be aware of getting that overwhelming feeling when a big/important day is coming up or maybe you are going to have to do something which you are afraid of. 

It is pretty easy to get yourself into a huge ball of anxiety and panic before that day has even arrived and so when it does actually happen you feel horrendous and it just reinforces the fact that you are scared of that thing in particular. I can feel quite anxious if I have a day where lots of things are going to be happen and I am going to be really busy. I tend to see the day as one big mix of all the things together and as a result begin feel under pressure to feel OK for the whole day. Busy days can be stressful even for those who don't worry very much. 

Basically, if you have one of those kind of days coming up you should try to break the whole day into small manageable chunks and therefore each little thing doesn't seem so overwhelming. Each time you achieve or complete one of the chunks you already feel better about the day and realise it isn't going to be as bad as you thought it was going to be.  

It may even be helpful to make a list of the different chunks of your day and tick them off as you have done them, this also helps to see how far you've come and that you were perfectly fine whilst doing so, which in turn gives you more and more confidence when you have another big day coming up. 

I have used this method in a number of different situations and it really does help!

The Power of Now...

I am currently reading a book called The Power of Now written by Eckhart Tolle. Often when I am reading books or blogs etc, I find something which I have never thought about before and it allows me to see things in a slightly different way. Each time I can see anxiety from a different perspective and as a result use the knowledge I gain to move forward.  

Through reading this book I realised how much anxiety (for me in particular) is based around time. In fact I would probably say that all of my anxiety has stemmed from time and my thoughts about time. People with anxiety spend the majority of their time dwelling on the past and wondering about the future but never actually living in the now.

Eckhart Tolle has helped me to start and make more sense of the things I worry about by stating that no problems actually happen in the now. Problems are created psychologically via thoughts about something which has already happened or what could potentially happen in the future. I soon realised this is completely accurate for my anxiety. When something serious happens or an actual problem does occur I seem to handle it pretty well in comparison to when I am feeling really anxious for no reason in particular. This is because when something worth worrying about actually happens you don't have much time to think about it as it is going to happen regardless of how much you do worry about it.

Tolle discusses how the past and future are just illusions and there is no such thing as either of them. Everything happens in the now because when it did happen it was actually present day when it was taking place. (Hopefully that makes sense). I think this is a positive way to look at things for someone who suffers from anxiety, as I spend a lot of my time thinking about things which have already happened which I can't change anyway and wondering what is going to happen in the future overall this is an unrealistic way to live.

It then got me thinking that we live in a very time orientated society and everyone spends the majority of their life looking into the future. Everything we do is based on time and having a 'the grass is always greener' attitude to life. I noticed this min myself with waking up and the first thing I do is check Twitter and Instagram this is already reinforcing the fact that we don't live in present time and we consumed by what others are doing. I do love social networking sites in particular having a nosy on Instagram but it isn't useful checking it first thing in the morning. I am trying to make sure I don't go on it straight away and take a few minutes to live in the 'now' when I first wake up.

It is extremely difficult to live like this in contemporary society but even if you just spend a few minutes a day trying to live in the present it can be beneficial. Depending on your individual circumstances, you could just go for a walk and spend your time concentrating on your surroundings or on the other hand you could do some light meditation, I use Calm.com which I find really helpful in taking a few minutes away from my thoughts.

This is just a small snippet from the book which I wanted to share because I have found it beneficial for me. Hopefully it will be helpful and again I definitely recommend this book to everyone, with anxiety or not!

A Thought for Thursday #13...

Make an effort to do something kind for someone. 

Pay someone a compliment, I can guarantee it will make them feel a bit better than they might have done before. 

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Long Distance Relationships...

Fast approaching is the time when people leave school and start moving away to University. If you are currently in a relationship you may find yourself being asked the dreaded question of ‘so are you going to stay together?’

I remember very clearly being asked on a number of occasions so what are you going to do? In response to my boyfriend moving to the other end of the country. In all honesty I hadn’t really thought about us not staying together until people started questioning me. This made me start wondering whether it was the norm to just split up before you even started a long distance relationship and if it actually was the be all and end all.

I found that there is a hell of a lot of negativity surrounding long distance relationships with the majority of people putting a huge downer on the situation by saying ‘oh it won’t work out’. How can people actually have an opinion on your personal relationship and know whether it will work out or not. Relationships break down when your partner lives round the corner so I don’t think you should base your decision whether to stay with someone on the distance between you. Basically all I am trying to say is don’t listen to anyone else, make your own decisions and remember only you and your partner know how you really feel about the situation.

After being in a long distance relationship for nearly four years here are just a few things I’ve learnt and decided I would share them with you, especially for anyone who a LDR or maybe going to be in one sometime soon.  I am not saying these are golden rules for surviving a long distance relationship at the end of the day you have to make your own decisions and everyone’s relationship is different.  

Utilise the internet and social media. Long gone are the days of people sat waiting for a letter to arrive from their partner who lives miles away. Although, it is still hard when you don’t live near your boyfriend/girlfriend (unless you want to pretend you’re in The Notebook ) you definitely can’t complain that it hasn’t been made a tad easier to stay in touch with someone thanks to the range of modern technology. This is going to be your main source of communication for the time you spend about so use it! When you don’t see or speak to each other every single day the times when you do, you have much more to talk about and the conversation is better.  Sometimes it is easier to plan a time when you can ring or Skype and it is something you can look forward to at the end of the day.

Be honest with each other and talk about any problems you might have. Don’t keep your problems to yourself as it much more likely to end up in an argument which is 10 times more difficult when you aren’t face to face with that person.

Arrange to do things for the time when you are together again it is something for you to look forward to as well as this fact you are going be seeing each other. One of the good things however is that you don’t have to spend loads of money trying to do something fancy because you start to appreciate the little things like just getting a takeaway and watching film together because you don’t do it that often.

Assumingly if you are in a long distance relationship your partner is living in a different city /area of the country or perhaps even in different country all together, but you can see it as going on a mini holiday every time you visit them. Although my boyfriend did decide to move to the other end of the country, it is by the seaside and it is a really nice place to go and visit, plus the weather is usually nicer down there.

I know I harped on earlier about the amazingness of social media etc but there is also something kind of special about receiving a card or letter in the post when it’s from someone you haven’t seen for ages. So maybe you could surprise each other with little packages or letters which might not be as meaningful if you lived close by.

Anyway enough of the lovey dovey stuff, the main thing is you and your partner make any decisions about your relationship yourselves, because quite frankly it’s no one else’s business. 

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A Thought for Thursday #6

I think you should start to accept the little things which make you, you!

 If its not the same as everyone else who cares, Its OK to be different! :) 

A Thought for Thursday #5...

I just like this poem :)