Tuesday Pep Talk...

I am sure many of you can agree that we are all in need of a pep talk once in a while. I know myself suffering with anxiety I feel better once I have spoken about how I am feeling or what I am worrying about with someone else, whether it's just to put my mind at rest or to give more a more rational answer to a problem.

Being in a reflective mood I have been thinking about how things have changed since starting with bad anxiety and how they are now. The answer is, that lots of things have changed massively and that is a combination of things such as, getting older, leaving Uni, moving house etc.

I still feel annoyed and sometimes disappointed  with myself when I have one of those random anxious days, which luckily I can recognise much more easily and do something about it sooner. I have to remind myself that its fine to have those kind of days and we wouldn't be human without them. Its completely normal to have some anxiety when there are big changes happening in your life.

Think about those days when you have felt completely overwhelmed with anxiety and worry but it still didn't stop you from doing what you wanted to do, they are the reason you are where you are now. Anxiety does not define you it is just a part of you, it doesn't mean that you don't have aspirations and passions. You are still you, you still have your own personality and you are just as able as everyone else to enjoy your life!

I find pushing yourself to do something which you thought you would never be able to do helps so much. Doing something (no matter how small) which you previously thought would cause you to freak out and realising that you can do it just fine can fill you with confidence and make you so happy! Even if you do have a little wobble whilst you are doing it coming out the other side and realising you can do it, and it wasn't so bad after all is so worthwhile.

Remember you are not the only person feeling like this, whatever situation you are in I am sure there are multiple people who feel just the same as you do, you aren't alone.

Understanding Anxiety - Unhelpful Thinking Styles...

Like I mentioned in my previous post Anxiety has been said to be a product of unhelpful thinking styles, which in most cases people see them as being unchangeable. Note, these ways of thinking are not labeled as 'Bad' but unhelpful, these thinking patterns are usually exaggerated due to the individual suffering from them not having the belief or strength that they can actually change them.

These thinking styles are unhelpful because of the impact that have on your thoughts and feelings about certain  things and how you respond as a result. Even if the root cause of your anxiety is not down to this, having unhelpful thoughts will intensify your anxious feelings and alter the way you act or behave.

Negative
Anxiety revolves around dwelling on what has happened in the past and worrying about what could happen in the future. Thinking in this way encourages negativity because we tend to only focus on the difficulties and bad times we experience. Having negative thoughts only increases anxiety but you have the ability to change how you think about a situation. Overall having anxiety isn't a very nice experience but try not to make it even worse by thinking negatively about it. It is common for anxiety sufferers to use one negative experience of something as a warning that something negative will happen every time you are going to do the same thing again.

Paranoid
Someone who usually worries a lot is likely to take things which other people say or do to heart or personally and will be quick to make assumptions about what people think of them.

Catastrophic
Catastrophising is the irrational thought that everything is much worse than it actually is. This is extremely common with someone who suffers from anxiety. Like I have mentioned many times a huge part of anxiety is spent predicting what might go wrong in the future and it is likely that whatever you have in mind will be the worst case scenario.

Black and white thinking
This kind of thinking is believing that something is all or nothing. This can lead to people with anxiety to put a large amount of pressure of themselves to be/do something in a certain way. As a result people usually become extremely self critical when little things go wrong or they don't quite feel right.

Like I said our thoughts can have a massive impact on feelings of anxiety, stress or just our moods in general.
Many of these thoughts take place without any control so therefore it is important to recognise them as just being 'thoughts' and the majority of the time are not based on facts.
Once you can identify the various unhelpful thought patterns which you can have you can begin to challenge them when they occur. The more you have the same unhelpful thoughts the more you start to understand why you are having them. If you can categorize your thoughts within the different thought patterns it becomes easier to manage them. If you get into the practice of writing down when you have one of those unhelpful thoughts seeing it written down also helps to put things into perspective. Seeing it written down on paper also allows you to create a contradictory thought which will help to prove how unrealistic your thoughts actually are.

Recognising when you are having the unhelpful thoughts and confronting them will have an impact on how you are feeling.

Are you Anxiety Aware?

So, this week is the start of Mental Health Awareness week and the theme this year being Anxiety I obviously couldn't ignore it. I have had quite a tough time recently with my own Anxiety, following numerous chats and pep talks with my wonderful family and friends, I have woken up this morning and feel a bit better!

Not only do I want to help myself but I want to help other people who are struggling or who have struggled in the past. So, in return of people being kind, supportive and staying positive for me, I am going to share a quote, saying or picture everyday this week in aid of Mental Health Awareness week. 

Here is my first quote, I hope it helps! 

Pinterest

Things to do when your having a rubbish day!

Everyone has down days or 'wobble' days as I like to call them. This includes every single person whether they have been diagnosed with some kind of mental illness or not. If like me you are very self critical when you do have a 'wobble' day you will blame yourself and in turn make yourself feel 10 times worse about not feeling 100% OK.

But we have to remember its normal to have these kind of days, its just part of life and ladies in particular you will all understand what I mean when it comes to our monthly occurrences.
So I think it is important that instead of making yourself feel worse you should make an effort to do little things you enjoy and treat yourself.

I have made a list of a few things to do when you happen to have one of those kind of days.

1. Listen to your favourite songs/music, maybe even make a playlist with all those random songs (make it as cheesy as you want to).
2. Put on said playlist and dance like an idiot. (Preferably Now That's what I Call 90's)
3. Actually have a cry, let it all out. 
4. Read, a great book or magazine
5. Get in touch with someone you haven't spoken to for ages. (use wisely)
6. Be selfless, think about other people instead of your own situation, put things into perspective. 
7. Wear your favourite outfit. 
8. Have a duvet day.
9. Have a nap. 
10. Make your own list like this one.
11. Watch a film, again as cheesy as possible. 
12. Be organised, sort out your wardrobe, make sure your diary/Filofax is up to date. 
13. Set yourself goals, then reflect on them after a certain amount of time, see how well you are doing.
14. Wear your favourite bright lipstick, just because. 
15. Eat comfort food. 
16. Meet a friend for tea & cake = the best pick me up! (Rebecca Dilks, you know who you are!) 
17. Just drink tea in general. 
18. Have a bath
19. Catch up on your favourite TV programmes. 
20. Indulge in your guilty pleasures, = more cheesy films.
21. Look at old pictures. 
22. Go to the cinema and have pop corn. 
23. Get some fresh air, go for a run or a walk. (Weather permitting)
24. Have a pamper sessions, face mask, nails etc. (You too boys)
25. Have a take away. 
26. Do 100 happy days challenge. (Not everyday is always good, but there is something good in everyday)
27. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. 
28. Go on Pinterest!
29. Do some exercise. 
30. Have a make up free day. 
31. Wear your comfiest clothes. 
32. Have a rant. 
33. Do something childish. 
34. Eat Jelly. 
35. Have a hot choc, with cream, marsh mellows, all the works. 
36. Do something creative. 
37. Do someone a favour. 
38. Hug your pet. 
39. Make notes about your worries/problems, share them with someone else. 
40. Get a Pick 'n' Mix with all your fav sweets. 

So there are just a few random things, but I am sure the list can go on and on and is probably different for every one of us. What do you like to do when you are having a rubbish day? 

Generation Judgmental...

You have probably gathered by now that I am not a massive drinker of alcohol. It has almost definitely stemmed from my anxiety etc. (If you would like to know the reason read Even though I am better than I before I still don’t really enjoy it or ever feel the need to drink.

For some people not drinking alcohol is just a personal lifestyle choice, sometimes it is for a medical reason and on the other hand it may due to someone’s religion. Whatever the reason may be for someone choosing not to drink alcohol, be it all the time or just on one occasion is it also made into a massive deal.

I don’t personally have an issue with other people choosing to drink so why should it bother them so much if I don’t want to. I will have a couple of drinks occasionally but I have never had or get the feeling where I need to have an alcoholic drink.

I have found that people who don’t drink are made to feel like they aren’t as good as people who do. Apparently choosing not to drink means you can’t possibly have any fun in any kind of situation. People always assume that you aren’t having a good time or enjoying yourself if you aren’t drinking, and I have had the best nights and laughed the hardest when I have been stone cold sober. I can dance like an idiot after a pint of lemonade but the reaction towards me from people who need ten Jager bombs to just do a little shimmying just bizarre. Why does it bother them so much? If alcohol is so amazing then why are you wasting your night wondering if I am having a good time or not?

I have always thought it as being an embarrassing thing for people to find out and have always dreaded having to tell people. Going to university during this generation as a non-drinker, seems to be the craziest thing to you can do. The whole University experience is portrayed as being one giant p*ss up and to say I was dreading it was an understatement. I have mentioned before that my opening line to one of my flat mates was to tell them that I didn’t drink alcohol. He just looked at me with a mixture of pity and shock as if to say ‘then what are you doing at Uni then?’

I absolutely hate everything to do with night clubs and clubbing and it just isn’t my cup of tea at all. During University this seemed like the only acceptable way to socialise with your friends and to have a good time. I had to continuously say no to nights out because I knew I just wouldn't feel comfortable. The actual thought of being forced into playing drinking games made me want to never leave my bedroom. Then being in a smelly dark room with peoples sweaty arm pits in my face and the worlds sh*ttiest music being played was my worst nightmare. I know everyone will think I sound like a complete old fart but if you think about it for someone who doesn't drink what is there to enjoy about it. At least in a nice bar or pub you can actually sit and talk to the people you are out with. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love going to gigs and listening to live music and proper bands playing actual decent music. But there isn't even that little thing to enjoy in a night club.

I have one example in particular which I think shows the type of stigma that is automatically attached to people who choose not to drink. Once I was in a pub once with some girls whilst I was at Uni, we were watching a live band and I only had a drink of coke and still managed to have a great night. Half way through the night one of the girls said ‘Katie, you are actually quite funny!’ (This was the first time she had seen me out in town) so I just replied with ‘I am not acting any different to normal’. But it just proves that people just assume that you’re a complete loser with no sense of humour or personality if you don’t drink or night clubs aren’t your favourite pastime.

Just because you don’t like certain things which society portrays as being the ‘norm’ it doesn't mean you are a social recluse with no friends. No one judges people for choosing to drink so why judge someone who chooses not to.  You can still have a good time just in a different way to how some people might choose to do so.

There is such a huge amount of peer pressure to act a certain way or to do a certain thing within our generation but why should anyone do anything which they don’t feel comfortable doing. I say, do whatever you want to do, its not anyone else's business anyway! 

It is time to talk…

After reading numerous blogs, (Zoella, Briar Rose & Being Little) recently surrounding similar kinds of issues and hearing about the amazing work of the charity, Timeto Change and their hope to get everyone talking openly about mental health through their recent campaign Time to Talk, I suddenly found the inspiration to write something about it myself. As well as it being an issue which has affected me personally and others who are very close to me, I wanted to try and start my own conversation about mental health, and I feel if everyone does start talking about it more openly, it is already a step in the right direction.

About a year and a half ago when I started to feel strange, I didn’t even know what was wrong myself, never mind anyone else being able to guess. It was difficult to explain how I actually did feel I just knew it wasn’t right. I then read a blog post and watched a YouTube video about a girl a similar age to me had made who suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and was sharing her own personal experience about it. I  realised that sounded exactly like I felt myself. I have always been a worrier and every single person who knows me could tell you that themselves in some shape or form. So I knew I worried a lot, but sometimes I would even sit and think, why do I feel so anxious about things which aren’t a big deal and seem so small to other people when I say them out loud? 

 Shortly after an incident which took place in my old job in 2012, I started to have extreme bouts of anxiety and felt awful. After watching the video on YouTube I mentioned earlier, and reading up about panic attacks, I decided to pay a visit to the doctors. I described how I felt and he said that it sounded like I was having panic attacks and he gave me some further information and advice about anxiety and panic attacks and ways to try and keep calm  etc. After a couple of months trying to explain how I felt to other people, family and my boyfriend it actually made me feel a tiny bit better to speak to someone who actually knew what I was talking about and didn’t make me feel like I was going stir crazy. It is extremely difficult when the people you are closest to can’t seem to understand how you feel and you slowly start to feel like giving up.

It was shocking how quickly I started to become truly scared of doing normal everyday things like catching trains, going to University, going to Meadowhall, going to the cinema, going out for tea, basically everything, because I was genuinely petrified of having a panic attack. I am very close to my mum and sister and I felt guilty that they had to see someone they care about acting like a completely different person.

On top of this suddenly increased anxiety I was suffering from a phobia of sick which I have had for as long as I can remember. This lead to me not wanting to drink alcohol, being afraid to be around drunk people. I avoided going to night clubs as they were completely not my thing because I would be terrified if I saw someone being sick. So I was stuck in a vicious circle, my bad panic attacks and anxiety made my phobia 100 times worse because anxiety makes you feel sick and sick made me feel anxious. Very few people actually know about this phobia. It is extremely difficult for me even to write this down never mind say it out loud. Due to how I have felt sometimes, I have probably come across as being an unsociable 'weird' person. I had tried my best to forget about it so many times and tell myself it wasn’t so bad but because of the pure fear I felt it started to become easier just to not bother going out at all. Around the time where everyone starts going to town and going to university the one thing on my mind was what will I do, because I don’t drink. In fact it was the first thing I mentioned to one of my flat mates the first time I met them in University halls, ‘Hi I am Katie, I don’t drink’.

After a while, it got to the point of me saying ‘no’ every time I was asked to go out which resulted into me no longer being invited to things. This really upset me, and I began to really, really hate myself, it seemed like I didn’t want to spend time with people and I felt like they wouldn’t want to spend time with me, who would want the burden of me having a panic attack whilst being out anywhere.

People don’t seem to realise that every single time someone has a panic attack it makes another dent in their self-esteem. Unless you have experienced anxiety or panic attacks yourself it is very difficult not to judge people and not think those people are weird who do (I am even guilty of doing this myself).

One thing which I personally found difficult is that people really don’t understand and because sometimes you can come across as just being ‘normal’ (whatever normal is) a lot of the time, that when you do have a panic attack, or feel anxious, you are making it up. Some of my family and boyfriend especially would say ‘how can you be fine one minute and not the next ’, but think about how confusing and frustrating it is for the person suffering from them, one minute they do feel fine and the next they are completely terrified of the tiniest little thing.

Anyway, after suffering on and off for about a year, I started to think it was something I just had to live with and this is how I would feel for the rest of my life. I was taking every method of calming tablet from boots I had every ‘calming’ essential oil to sprinkle on my pillow at night.

Then I had my worst spell of anxiety in October 2013 when I felt like I was no longer in control of myself, my thoughts were just all over the place, I honestly thought I was actually going insane. After hearing and reading about mental illness being something you have to live with and it being a part of you forever, I just felt hopeless. I thought there is no way I can ever stop feeling this bad. I went back to the doctors and told him again and he said he thought I would benefit from seeing a therapist. Straight away I was thinking negatively, ‘I am insane, I need therapy, only crazy people have therapy, omg I don’t want to tell anyone, I am officially a freak of nature’

 I felt very cynical about the whole ‘therapy’ thing, I felt that bad ,I didn’t see how anyone could possibly fix the problem, it wasn’t anything physical which people could see so how could she get inside my brain and stop me feeling the way I did. Going to the first session I was extremely nervous, I had to tell a stranger things about myself which barely anyone in my family or anyone else knew about. It soon became clear that she knew exactly how I felt and straight away she made me feel very comfortable. I wanted to be reassured more than anything that I wasn’t crazy and kept asking her if I was ‘normal’ and I just remember her saying ‘what even is normal anyway, who decides what the definition of normal actually is’. I immediately felt better than I did two weeks before and I had actually had faith that this lady who I didn’t even know, could help me. 

Apart from all the different techniques she gave me to use to help deal with my anxiety and panic attacks, one thing I have taken away from it was her empathetic attitude to the whole thing. She said that there are a lot more people with mental illnesses than everyone thinks and people you know personally could be suffering every single day.

It made me think that if this is the case than why aren’t people aloud to speak about it openly, why people are thought to be strange and weird if they suffer from a mental illness. If someone has a broken leg, everyone can see that it is broken because they have a pot on it to help it get better, and people help the person with the broken leg by offering to do things which they can’t do whilst their leg is broken. So what is so wrong with someone’s brain being a little broken from time to time and it needing fixing?

Why should I and any other person who has suffered or are suffering, from any sort of mental illness not be able to talk about it openly?  I feel more needs to be done to raise the awareness of mental illness and more people should be encouraged to understand about it for a time when they or others may need help.

I am by no means completely cured; it is something which I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. Admittedly, the hardest thing to do was to try and explain myself to my family and friends. My auntie was the first person who gave me the encouragement to start telling people and reassured me I wasn’t the only one who felt this way.  Talking openly about it has now allowed me to get the help I need, and knowing that there will always be someone there is helpful in itself.

So, anyone who does suffer, you need to remember you are not alone, 1 in 4 people have from some kind of mental illness each year, it does honestly get better I promise, and if nothing helps but this, there is no such thing as normal.

Please feel free to email me about anything I have mentioned in this blog post or if you ever need someone to talk to - kvbrooksbank.18@gmail.com