A Thought for Thursday #5...

I just like this poem :) 

Generation Judgmental...

You have probably gathered by now that I am not a massive drinker of alcohol. It has almost definitely stemmed from my anxiety etc. (If you would like to know the reason read Even though I am better than I before I still don’t really enjoy it or ever feel the need to drink.

For some people not drinking alcohol is just a personal lifestyle choice, sometimes it is for a medical reason and on the other hand it may due to someone’s religion. Whatever the reason may be for someone choosing not to drink alcohol, be it all the time or just on one occasion is it also made into a massive deal.

I don’t personally have an issue with other people choosing to drink so why should it bother them so much if I don’t want to. I will have a couple of drinks occasionally but I have never had or get the feeling where I need to have an alcoholic drink.

I have found that people who don’t drink are made to feel like they aren’t as good as people who do. Apparently choosing not to drink means you can’t possibly have any fun in any kind of situation. People always assume that you aren’t having a good time or enjoying yourself if you aren’t drinking, and I have had the best nights and laughed the hardest when I have been stone cold sober. I can dance like an idiot after a pint of lemonade but the reaction towards me from people who need ten Jager bombs to just do a little shimmying just bizarre. Why does it bother them so much? If alcohol is so amazing then why are you wasting your night wondering if I am having a good time or not?

I have always thought it as being an embarrassing thing for people to find out and have always dreaded having to tell people. Going to university during this generation as a non-drinker, seems to be the craziest thing to you can do. The whole University experience is portrayed as being one giant p*ss up and to say I was dreading it was an understatement. I have mentioned before that my opening line to one of my flat mates was to tell them that I didn’t drink alcohol. He just looked at me with a mixture of pity and shock as if to say ‘then what are you doing at Uni then?’

I absolutely hate everything to do with night clubs and clubbing and it just isn’t my cup of tea at all. During University this seemed like the only acceptable way to socialise with your friends and to have a good time. I had to continuously say no to nights out because I knew I just wouldn't feel comfortable. The actual thought of being forced into playing drinking games made me want to never leave my bedroom. Then being in a smelly dark room with peoples sweaty arm pits in my face and the worlds sh*ttiest music being played was my worst nightmare. I know everyone will think I sound like a complete old fart but if you think about it for someone who doesn't drink what is there to enjoy about it. At least in a nice bar or pub you can actually sit and talk to the people you are out with. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love going to gigs and listening to live music and proper bands playing actual decent music. But there isn't even that little thing to enjoy in a night club.

I have one example in particular which I think shows the type of stigma that is automatically attached to people who choose not to drink. Once I was in a pub once with some girls whilst I was at Uni, we were watching a live band and I only had a drink of coke and still managed to have a great night. Half way through the night one of the girls said ‘Katie, you are actually quite funny!’ (This was the first time she had seen me out in town) so I just replied with ‘I am not acting any different to normal’. But it just proves that people just assume that you’re a complete loser with no sense of humour or personality if you don’t drink or night clubs aren’t your favourite pastime.

Just because you don’t like certain things which society portrays as being the ‘norm’ it doesn't mean you are a social recluse with no friends. No one judges people for choosing to drink so why judge someone who chooses not to.  You can still have a good time just in a different way to how some people might choose to do so.

There is such a huge amount of peer pressure to act a certain way or to do a certain thing within our generation but why should anyone do anything which they don’t feel comfortable doing. I say, do whatever you want to do, its not anyone else's business anyway! 

Bring me Sunshine, in your smile... ♥

Happy 1st Wedding Anniverary to the Padgkinson's! ♥

The majority of photography is done by the uber talented Eve Hopkinson - http://evehopkinsonphotography.co.uk/

It was the most perfect day :) Here's just some of my fav snaps, there is millions too choose from! 

A Thought for Thursday #4...

Recently I have started to believe that I have met certain people for a reason. :)

Self-Help

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago when I wrote about Panic Attacks I said that I would share some of the ways and techniques which I use to help myself with my anxiety.

I am in no position to tell people what to do and I am not saying these things will definitely work for everyone but they are just small things which I have picked up from different people, books and from the internet which I feel have helped me.

Firstly I don’t take any prescribed medication for my anxiety as my doctor didn't think this was the correct approach for me personally. These are just a few small things which I do for myself personally which I can do whenever I feel I need to.

Reading

I have read numerous amounts of books and internet articles and I have been given different bits of information booklets by the lady who I saw at the end of last year. I do find it easier for me personally to have a hard copy of anything which I have read and I feel it has helped me, just so then I can refer back to it whenever I need to.  One book I have was recommended to me by a lady my mum works with, (I mentioned it in a previous post and completely forgot to tell you the name of it etc ) , so it is called ‘Self-Help for your nerves’ By Dr Claire Weekes, I was a bit skeptical at the time, because it was when I was in the ‘nothing will help me’ mind set. However I sat down to read it and it was as though someone was writing about me and exactly how I felt. It helped me to start seeing things in perspective, with it being written down and by a complete stranger made me feel like it was something real. My mum also read the book and it helped her understand a bit more too. 

I liked it so much I bought the newer addition ‘Essential Help for your nerves’ By Dr Claire Weekes. These books aren’t just for people who have being diagnosed with anxiety disorder or any type of mental illness. They are helpful for anyone and can help with so many different things, from stress to someone who just has a nervous personality. So whenever I feel a bit down or ‘wobbly’ I like to read different chapters in the books which I found helpful and I have also written down some of the most important quotes and phrases to help me remember.

Breathing/ Yoga

One thing I learnt from the therapist lady I saw, was about all about breathing and teaching yourself to breathe correctly.  Through having panic attacks I got used to breathing too fast and trying to take in more oxygen than my body actually needed. One of the first things she told me to do was listen to some podcast's which are available on iTunes which teach you to be aware of how you breathe and how to do it properly. I found these podcasts very helpful and still listen to them occasionally.

Since then I have started going to a Yoga class and have been every week for about 10 weeks now. I am going to write another post about Yoga in more detail at some point so I won’t go into too much detail now. As part of the class we do breathing exercises/meditation and again we have been taught how to be aware of how you are breathing and how breathing correctly can keep you calm or calm you down.  Now, whenever I notice myself feeling slightly anxious I remember the breathing techniques I have learnt and it is a quick remedy to help me feel calmer. I sometimes use calm.com which is a great website to use to do your own meditation. 

Exercise 

In addition to doing yoga, physical exercise is something I use which helps me to fight off any anxious thoughts and feelings. If you are a worrier you waste a lot of energy in a negative way which the majority of the time is unnecessary. It is good to use this energy doing something worthwhile which will make you feel much better in the long run. Exercise can vary from a walk with the dog to a full on circuit training class, its entirely up to you. 

Take note 

I have briefly mentioned before about the therapist lady I used to see getting me in the habit of writing down and making notes whenever I felt anxious or had a panic attack. I don’t feel the need to do this as often anymore but it really did help me in getting out of the downward spiral I felt like I was in at the time. I had some work sheets which she gave me where you write down the reason, situation or thing which had made you anxious, write how it made you feel and then what the worst thing which could happen could possibly be. This allowed me to see things in black and white and it became easier for me to put things into perspective. This is a great technique to use to help you become more in control of your problem and for it not to take hold of you. 

Personal Space

I am the sort of person who likes their own space and I sometimes need to just get away and be on my own once in a while. Although being all on your own can sometimes make you feel worse and that was the case for me when my anxiety was very bad. But now I know the reasons for me feeling rubbish sometimes, I do find it very helpful to have time to myself. Everyone deserves a bit a break from things from time to time and should have some time to yourself even if its just half an hour or so.

 I like to read, so reading a magazine or book is always good, but I am not doing very well with reading books recently. However I do read other peoples blogs a lot obviously. I watch YouTube videos as something to do for ‘me time’ and keep up to date with the people whose channels I watch regularly.  

Doing anything girly like painting my nails or putting on a face mask I find can always be quite therapeutic. Those sort of little things are especially helpful if you have had an anxious or stressful day or you just want time to relax. 

Blogging
Writing this blog has been a massive help for me and given me the opportunity to share a lot of things which I have kept to myself for a very long time. I have already had positive feedback from a range of completely different people and it is so great to hear that I am actually helping people whilst helping myself!!

I saw this picture on Tumblr, I really like it and think it is relevant to everyone and fits in perfectly with this blog post! 

Follow me, everything is alright

I didn't plan a blog post for today, so here is a bit of a random one. 

But this song really reminds me of my boyfriend, he used to sing it all the time and I keep listening to it loads lately (cringe), especially because we won't see each other for another month. 

Hope you have enjoyed your Sunday! :) 

A Thought for Thursday #3...

Following on from my blog post yesterday I thought this quote was perfect. Also this week, my yoga teacher was encouraging us to see how important it is to put yourself first and love yourself for being you. She said everyone always wishes they could change lives with someone else. But if you did, you would have to have everything which they do and not just their looks, wealth or material things. If you think about it again would you really want to exchange everything you have in your life for someone else's?

Be true to who you are...

Lately I have been thinking about what it means for someone to be your ‘friend’. How do you decide which people in your life are friends and who are well, just other people?

From our first day at primary school we are brought up to believe that those we call friends will be there every day for the rest of your life. When you are at school you are lucky enough to see your friends every single day and feel like they are the only people you will ever spend any time with. The majority of people then go to high school with the same group of friends and then your group of friends make friends with another group of friends and you are now a big group of inseparable people who actually believe you will never find friends better than yours. You turn 13 and boys come into the equation but you still believe that your little clique will be forever and you will even have boyfriends who are best friends and you will all be in that same little group until you are old and wrinkly.

Supposedly, your friends are people you share a lot in common with but looking back and thinking about how I feel and think today, those people who I really thought were my best friends actually are not really like me at all. I am not sure whether I just think in this way from my own experience and it has taken until I am 22 years old to realise. Back in sixth form I soon started to realise I was a bit different, I wanted to show who I was in different ways than the rest of the group, I cut my hair off short, I wore different clothes and had a boyfriend  outside of the friendship group. Sometimes I felt like I had made the wrong decisions and I was a bad person for being who I wanted to be and doing things I wanted to do. And honestly it has taken until very recently for me to realise I am much better off and a happier person for making those decisions. For a long time I have blamed myself and thought I was weird/not normal because I wasn’t the same as the rest of the group.

Going to university was a massive step for me, I thought I wouldn’t be able to make friends because I felt like I didn’t fit into my own friendship group ,who I had spent the past 7 years with, so why would new people like me. But I soon realised that everyone in my class were in the same boat. We were all in the class as individuals each of us feeling exactly the same and it was the first time in ages I didn’t feel like I had to pretend, I could be myself and start fresh because these people didn’t know anything about me before that day. I soon made friends who were all completely different and had their own personalities and identities but actually felt like friends. These people who were strangers only a few months before were all there for me and genuinely cared when something was wrong.

The same year I started working in a hotel as a waitress and that summer after my first year of university was spent doing five weddings a week and twelve hour shifts. Me and the other girls working there soon realised that we needed to become very good friends otherwise we would have had some terribly long days/nights. It didn’t take long for us all to click and we became like each other’s agony aunts and again this is how I recognised what it feels like to have proper friends. I had the best and worst times during those two years working in that hotel; we laughed a lot and cried a lot but I wouldn’t have been able to do any of it without those five other girls. And all the time I didn’t have to be anyone else except myself.

Now, after graduating from university and leaving my job at the hotel over a year ago, I don’t see all those people very often but I still know that they are all a text or a phone call away.  I personally don’t believe in having one or two best friends because like I have, we all go through different stages of our lives and different people will be there to help at different times. I don’t think it is fair to classify one person as being the ‘BEST’ friend because all the people I have met over the past four years have equally been a best friend to me at some point regardless of  how long I have known them or how many times I have seen them.

The length of time you have known really does not make any difference to how good a friend a certain person can be or has been. After going through the worst bout of my anxiety last year, a person who I had known no more than three months was one of the only people I felt like I could talk to. 

Meeting people in different places and seeing everyone as individuals it doesn’t make sense for me to say one person/ or group of people are my best friend, because everyone is good at helping you with all different parts of your life.

What really made me think to write this post was after completing three days of training to become a volunteer for a charity with a very worthy cause. Walking into a room full of strangers is always a bit scary but my nerves soon went away when I was greeted with the most down to earth lovely people and within an hour of being there I felt like I had known them for years. No one was left out and everyone was made to feel part of the group. It made me feel like volunteering for this charity was even more valuable than I had originally thought and my passion for going into this area of work was even stronger. At the end of the training we were all asked to write a nice comment about everyone who was there and fold it over and then pass it on round the table until each person had written about everyone else. I didn’t read mine until I came home and it was hard for me to read because I find it very difficult to accept compliments. But I was actually overwhelmed at how kind these people had been who I had only met for the first time three days before. How could these people think the things I wished my friends thought about me back when I was at school. It really has made me think differently, and realise that being myself is not a bad thing and that there will always be people who don’t like you but why should that stop you from being the person you want to be and feel happy being.

Everyone in my family and my boyfriend has always said ‘just be you and believe in yourself’ so it might have taken a while for me to actually listen…. But that is what I am going to try and do. Don’t waste your time caring what other people think of you and believing you have to act a certain way to be accepted.

‘The people who mind do not matter, and the people who matter do not mind’.